My best friend just had a baby and her husband is not helping her out at all. He hasn;t changed one diaper, fed the baby or even held him for more than 5 minutes. If the baby cried he actually yells at the baby to stop--and the baby is just a newborn. Now that she isn't working he actually throws that he makes the money in her face. He says that since he works 15 hours a day that its his money and she should appreciate that she has a roof over her head...but she never said she wasn't happy or appreciated it. She askes him if he wanted to be with he anymore and he said if I didn't want to be with you anymore You wouldn't be here...so my question is...if he says he wants to be with her...then why does he act this way and not help her at all and scream and yell at her constantly? He says he wants to be with her, but doesn't act like it...Do Actions speak lounder than words?
2007-11-19 07:17:17 · 25 answers · asked by lesliebedford623 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sounds like a classic abuser. Especially now that he's controlling the money.
I'm surprised she chose to have children with him. These can't be new behaviors- she must have seen this coming. She needs to get out of there fast.
2007-11-19 07:29:10 · answer #1 · answered by LB 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Not always do actions speak louder than words BUT in other cases their actions match up to the words. In this situation, he should be acting how he says he feels rather than treating your friend like crap. He seems too cocky about him making the money and looks down and his wife. If he loves his wife and the newborn baby he'd make an effort to raise the child not just support the baby financially. I've seen cases where the father's would pay child support but they wouldn't want anything to do with the child. Now..how is that being a good father? It isn't! He needs to learn how to care for it both physically and financially.
2007-11-19 07:26:09 · answer #2 · answered by Txgirl23 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Words, whether spoken or thought, become actions. The answer to your question is "Yes". I agree with most of the comments above but I have to say this. When people have children, it is a big adjustment on both the man and the woman. People aren't always ready emotionally. Maybe their relationship was not that strong before the baby came and it might not even be his fault. We are just hearing one side of the story and frankly that is not fair. I think your friend and her hubby should seek some help and maybe they can save their marriage and make a happy home for their newborn. All these people talking about "I would not put up with that" and " He needs to be put in jail", those are just immature statements. Good Luck.
2007-11-19 07:36:30 · answer #3 · answered by cuddleyleo2003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, no matter how busy life gets, people ALWAYS make time for the things and the people that are most important to them. No matter how stressful a day he had at work, if you were high on his list of priorities, he would find the time to at least call or text after work. I think he is using the sale of the business as an excuse for his inattentiveness recently. Quite frankly, there is nothing that takes place in the transfer of a business that would eat up the entire 24 hours out of a day. I think the bigger clue to what's going on is this comment: "If I tell you something will you please believe me? I miss you very much, I really do." The fact that he prefaces the "miss you" declaration with urging you to believe him suggests to me that he knows it doesn't have the ring of truth to it!! His recent lack of interest is very evident in the lack of attention he's paying to you, and the broken promises (repeatedly saying he'll call and then failing to do so). I also find it very telling that he admitted to having an old girlfriend who's been calling. I think that is the most likely explanation for his attention having been diverted recently. It obviously didn't work out though, cos now he's back! If he's truly decided to delete the numbers of all the girls off his phone and keep you and only you, then you should see a marked difference in the amount of time he has for you. If he doesn't have enough time and attention to offer though, you'll wilt in this relationship, it will hurt, and it's unlikely to be worth it. I would see how things go over the next month, but be prepared to walk if things don't improve. Don't live your life feeling hitched to someone for whom you don't feel like you're much of a priority.
2016-05-24 05:27:18 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actions speak very loudly! He is obviously not happy about the marriage, the baby, or life in general. She doesn't deserve to be treated like that. He may work for 15hrs a day. But she works 24/7 with a baby! If she can, she and the baby should leave. Let him figure out what he really wants.
2007-11-19 07:36:30 · answer #5 · answered by azflower25 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand that it takes time to adjust to having your first child... BUT come on... yelling at a new born?! If I were near I probably would have slugged the bast... well, you know... She deserves better. Just because you have sex and make a baby doesn't make you a parent or in this case a FATHER. Right now I would say he is about like the Baby's Daddy... Not a father. He needs to grow up and get hit hard on the head... He helped bring a child into this world...
As far as her not working, he shouldn't be throwing that he makes the money in her face, but in my opinion, she should have the house cleaned and dinner ready when he gets home. I'm sure she doesn't answer his phone at work, and like wise, he shouldn't have to come home to help with things like dishes and laundry. Being at home is her job. If she wants to throw something in his face, she could look up on line for a calculator that looks at working vs. staying home. She may find that she is saving more money than by working.
She should just concentrate on what she needs to do. She needs to take care of their child and the home. Maybe if she shows him that she is doing her part that maybe spark that he should be doing what he needs to. Who knows...
2007-11-19 08:14:15 · answer #6 · answered by Beatngu 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to try some new behaviors. Try treating him like he is #1 not the baby (even though all women know that our babies come first). However, he may be jealous that his new baby is recieving all his wife's love. So, try making him feel special. Men can be really stupid and sometimes they can even have the baby blues - although I think it's more selfish than anything.
This may sound whimpy, but it isn't. Does she want her marriage to work? If so, then trying a new step is always a good plan.
Men want sx, food and for their woman to think they are awesome.
Women (for the most part) want, safety and security, along with being cherished by their husband.
Good Luck
2007-11-19 07:37:25 · answer #7 · answered by lilwoman 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is just because he is another controlling Jack A ss in the world that thinks the wife is suppose to do everything while the man works and then comes home and sit's on his butt while the wife pampers him. If anything I would tell your friend to leave this guy because he will just keep getting worse before anything changes. This is most likely how he was raised saw how his dad treated his mother and well is mirror imaging that bahavior in his marriage. I think that he will never change and that he is just a jerk that needs to be on his own because he doesn't know how to treat a woman with respect. He has shown he cares nothing for her or his child.
HELP HER LEAVE THIS GUY BEFORE HE HURTS HER AND THE BABY.
2007-11-19 07:37:32 · answer #8 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like someone didn't want to be a father. Did your friend get pregnant without telling her husband she was trying? That's my guess.
Actions do speak louder than words, and this guy's actions are screaming "I resent you and this baby, and I don't want any extra responsibilities. I'm only supporting you because I feel I have to."
2007-11-19 07:30:46 · answer #9 · answered by monicanena 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Actions do speak louder than words. I think what his problem is that (if its his first baby) he is scared. He is a new father and doesnt know what to do and the stress of a new baby and work is just piling up on him. Maybe he is also a little upset that he doesnt know what to do.
2007-11-19 07:30:04 · answer #10 · answered by Worried wife 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES
he works really hard for what
she needs to find a job and move out
this is only verbal and emotional abuse now
she sticks around longer and it will get physically
trust me on that
and as soon as he yelled at the new born baby i would have been gone
any one how does that has major anger problems
2007-11-19 07:23:13 · answer #11 · answered by summerbliss 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋