This question is for those who have been cheated on and the cheaters...?

Question

My husband installs carpets. His work is very scattered. He might work from 8a-2p one day then 6a-9p the next. I have been cheated on many times before so when he doesnt answer his phone or tell me exactly where he is working that day i get suspicious. it def. affects our relationship but i dont want to get hurt what should i look out for. Oh also his text msgs get deleted alot because his phone (my old phone) can only hold so many and he uses that alot for work so i cant really check that... Anyways what should i look out for.

Let me add that i also work at night and raise our son during the day! Thanks.

im sorry no he hasnt cheated on me. that was in my past relationships.

*he hasnt that i know of.

Answer 1

You start with yourself. Until he does something to directly affect your trust in him, then you need to learn to trust him. It sounds like you have control issues that you need to work through first.

Answer 2

I used to be a very trusting person. If me and my friend were having a drink in the house if i wanted i would go to bed and leave my partner and friend. Guess what they were up to. No it wasn't drinking. I stayed myself for five years after this then met someone who i have now been with for a long time. I used to be like you. I had a hard time trusting and it was affecting the relationship. I realised that not every person is the same and if you don't have trust in a relationship then what's the point. I would have drove myself crazy wondering where he was and what he was doing. I would never check his phone. You may be a couple but he still needs to feel like he has things that are his. It takes time but just remember that not all men are the same. Don't ruin this relationship because others have ended bad.

Answer 3

Without trust there isn't much of a relationship anyway. If your husband hasn't provided a legitimate reason for you to be suspicious, let it drop. Not answering a phone call isn't a good reason. There are plenty of times that I'm simply too busy to answer calls from my fiance at work, and she understands that.

Just remember that it wasn't your husband that cheated on you in the past so be careful about your suspicions.

Answer 4

The best way to ensure your partner will cheat on you is if you are constantly checking up on him and accusing him of cheating. You should talk to a councelor because you are never going to be able to relax and allow yourself to be happy if you don't resolve your past relationships and the hurt you have endured.
I watched this tv show and that coucelor said the most fortunate people are the ones who have the courage to allow themselves to be happy. And that certainly sounds like the main issue you have.
If you spend your entire life worried about if what could happen you will never be able to experience what IS happening.
Good Luck!

Answer 5

Don't bring your past troubles into your current relationship. It's not fair to him and it's not fair to you as a couple. Give him a clean slate. You don't need to monitor his every move. If a man wants to cheat he will find a way no matter how closely you watch him. He should remain faithful to you out of personal desire -not because you are watching him like a hawk. Give him space and stop being suspicious for no reason before you run him off.

Answer 6

I've been cheated on by every guy I've spent a significant amount of time with (1 year or more). It IS hard to let go of all of that but he married YOU. Whenever I get a little antsy, I think about how clear my gut instinct was before when I was being cheated on. Without a gut feeling, I ignore my little insecurities. I've been with my bf for 6 months and did have a strong gut feeling about one of his "friends". I kept asking and digging and eventually found out that they were involved at one point, before me, and he has agreed to not talk to her as much anymore. You have to listen to your gut. My gut hasn't told me anything else or since then so I just go with that. Unless you are having strong feelings, don't "look out for" anything...enjoy your husband and cherish your time with him WITHOUT suspicion. If your gut is telling you something, there are MANY ways to get to the bottom of it...and asking people on here will lead you to many options.

Answer 7

Slow down, relax and listen. I feel your pain. Many failed relationships due to cheating, and you have to lay out some trust. We always have to put a little piece of ourselves out there to see what happens. If he fails you, then you know where you stand. But to be a constant "spy" on your partner, is not healthy for either of you. I know it sounds terribly hard, but you have to let go and trust him blindly. If he is true to you, he will be ever so grateful and your relationship could bloom into a lifetime together! But, some things that would tip me off would be:
1. lack of sex
2. lack of interest in you
3. staying out all night long
4. mystery women calling
5. finding hidden phone numbers (womens)
6. condoms...if you don't use them or what not
7. reaking of perfume when he comes in
8. random outings at night, that take toooooo long (hours)

trust me, we all sometimes always wonder....but the trick is to not let them know. good luck to you!

Answer 8

He becomes jealous of you, he gets mad at you easily. He is distant. Goes on a diet, buys new clothes. Changes his hair. Minimizes the computer screen when anyone else comes in the room. Count the text charges on the phone bill. See how many he sends to you and look at the overage to someone else.

Follow him, or have someone else follow him. Hire a private detective if you can afford it. Don't sit home wondering, go check him out.

Answer 9

The past is the past, you shouldn't bring your past experience into current relationship. You should and you shouldn't. I know this sound weird, but keep on bring your ex mistake into current relationship, is a problem for the guy. Even if he is not going to cheat in his life, but this mistrust and checking will tent to end the relationship.
Beside you know his work schedules when you marry him, so you should trust him.

Answer 10

you should look out for a counselor to get over your trust issues. You didn't specify whether or not your husband was the one that has cheated on you many times or if it was from pervious relationships. If your husband wasn't the one who cheated on you then you should have no reason to worry or blame him.