My husband and I argue alot?

Question

My husband and I got married three years ago and things are normal. But last week we argued over some silly stuff as all couples do, and i said some hurtful things about his family and that upset him and we got into it real bad you know. He packed his things and left. I tried telling myself its okay but im now hurting. I love him and although we had this bad argument that got nasty, and i was mad for a day or two, now i miss him.
Have i chased him away for good? What makes a man leave his marriage? Its the first time he has ever walked out? What can i do?

Answer 1

Don't tell yourself it's okay when it's not. You hurt his feelings by insulting him and his family. He may now believe that you were harboring this opinion of them all along, so now he's wondering who this person is that he married and what else you have deceived him about.

You need to apologize to your husband and make the situation right before the problem mushrooms into something out of control. Try to explain to him that your words were spoken in the heat of the argument and assure him that it will never happen again--then make sure it doesn't!

Answer 2

He'll come back. There's more to this than meets the eye, so maybe marriage counseling is in order. But no more saying hurtful things about the family. And when you get mad, walk away, calm down, and say what you have to say rationally. You also said you were mad for a day or two. Not good. Staying mad isn't good for a marriage. Perhaps he's just had enough of whatever and this last thing was the straw that broke the camel's back? Get counseling.

Answer 3

Well darling let me tell you as an older woman. A man does not up and go for no reason. Neither does a woman. If its something that happens every time there is a weakness then you can say they are spineless. But if its the first time then there is reason to search within yourself.
Pick up the phone and apologise for any insinuations that were negative about his family. Men are very protective of their names and family and that includes you.
We women do have a tendancy in arguments to get low and dirty and punch below the belt with silly comments that hurt our men. As a grandmother now to grandchildren who are recently married, i know what i am talking about. You need to call him and make ammends today not tomorrow. Right now he is upset and vulnerable and could seek solace with another woman. Honey as a woman we act tough, when deep down we hurt more than men do. Divorce affects women 4 times as much as men, so there is nothing macho about not calling him. I disagree with the lady who said the man is spineless to leave. No body just gets up and leaves for no reason. Honey maybe he feels everytime you have a disagreement that you dont respect his views and he has realised that its either your way or the highway. Let us be gentle in spirit and respect our partners. Look at it positively: maybe its good he left before you two got into a bad physical fight. But nobody just packs his things and goes. Theres always a reason, and most times its the person being left behind that has the issues and refuses all along to see their mistakes only believing the other party is at fault. If you have kids it will even be worse for them. You need your husband back. Never be to proud to pick up a phone and say " sorry fo rmy share of the argument i know i hurt you .......................". Where will pride take you? To a ruined marriage? Do you think you will walk with your head up saying " i dont care if he leaves me ill not compromise.........." ? Honey if you are saying this then you have the whole idea of a wife all wrong. The words we speak as women are very hurtful and this makes a man angry and then he either hits us or leaves us and we cocoon together and cry with girlfriends and feel like the victim. If this is the first time after a major disagreement that he has left then i think you need to pick up that phone and save your marriage right this minute. I am older and wiser , trust me ive seen it all. I lost my 1st husband cause i used to nag him and say some very hurtful things. One day he packed up and left and that was it. I remarried after 7 years and my second husband was no where as nice as my first husband. I still see my first husband and he is now remarried with a family. I divorced in 2001. Pride comes before a fall.

Answer 4

Call and apologize but not just i am sorry. Apologize for the mean words and tell him why you said them. If he understands where the anger came from maybe you two can figure out why the argument even happened.

It sounds like you two have not communicated since the start of your marriage and maybe even before. Try sitting down to dinner at a neutral place and talking about why you have been arguing. There is a book call "Love Languages". It will give some perspective to how everyone speaks a different love language and how they can communicate together.

Also, try to remember why you got married in the first place...

Answer 5

It sounds like you're sorry for saying the things you said, so try contacting him and apologize. Tell him you regret saying such hurtful things and that you did it in the heat of the moment. Tell him that you miss him and that you want him to come home. These things happen, so take comfort in the fact that you aren't the first person to say hurtful things in an argument. Chances are he misses you too. If you're able to, promise him you won't do it again, and don't. Good luck, I hope everything works out!

Answer 6

Sounds like you are both in for valuable lessons. You, to not lose your cool and say hurtful things about his family, Him, to not walk out. Both are mistakes. Sounds like this happened fairly recently, so maybe he is still trying to calm his emotions down. When he is ready to talk to you, you both need to apologize to each other, then analyze the situation. What made it escalate like that? What made him so angry he had to leave? What does this mean for your future together? Remember all the reasons you got married in the first place. Be HONEST yet tactful.
I pray that you remain together. The third year is always the hardest, but you will get through it as long as you are willing to compromise and work togehter, and your marriage will be stronger than ever.

Answer 7

You need to break the ice, call and talk to him. Marriage is about communication. Talkinging to your partner about what's going on. You've made a huge commitment when you decided to get married, however, some people don't look at marriage the same way anymore. With it so easy to divorce most see it as a quick in and quick out. I dont' think it should be that way. Others may disagree. However, I think your going to have to tell your husband your sorry and agree to disagree about some things. Leave the personal issues out of the arguement and focus on what your arguing about. Disscuss and listen to what the other person has to say. Communication is the key to a good marriage.

Answer 8

Apologize. If that is the only time this has happened, and there are no other serious problems, then he should be able to forgive you. But please remember this, it's not fair to drag someones family into an argument, and it's never good to go to the place where you are just saying things to be hurtful. Not every argument has to have a winner or loser, sometimes it's OK just to state your point of view and leave it at that. Good luck.

Answer 9

He left because you crossed the line. I would try calling him in a few days. Just because your over it and missing him doesn't mean he feels the same way. Give him enough time to cool off. I hope he didn't go running to his family, if so then you got it bad.
Good Luck

Answer 10

Apologize and be sincere about it. You guys should know each other by now and hopefully he will forgive you. Make sure not to do it again. We all make mistakes and say things we dont mean. As long as it is a once in a blue moon thing that rarely happens (like once every 2 years) then it should be ok. Just make sure you do everything you can to help him understand that you did not mean the things you said and will never do it again. Good Luck.