My 16 years old daughter????

Question

My 16 years old daughter came to me yesterday and told me she gave her boyfriend oral sex. She asked was it ok because she said all of her friends is doing it but I didn't know what to tell her because I was so shocked. I'm going to talk to her today but I don't know what I'm gooing to say....Any Suggestions?

Answer 1

How about starting with "No it's not o.k.!" Let her know she can still get an STD.

Answer 2

First you need to thank your daughter that she was honest with you. And for sharing that little nugget of information. After that start with In my opnion you think that it is wrong and explain why it is wrong. Tell her that you can still get an STD from giving oral sex. If she doesn't understand what your saying to her, both of you look it up on the computer. I say both because you don't want her to think that your punishing her, and with you doing it with her still lets her know that your ok to talk to. That keeps the comunication open between parents. Tell her that you rather her not do something like that because you don't know where the boy or guy has had his di*k before it was in her mouth, that alone should make her want to puck. If she isn't getting you then you can get a little more graphic like " maybe his dick was inside some other women, or her butt hole", if it was in a butt hole then she could get really deathly sick. If that doesn't get her to stop then I don't know what will. Don't be scared to tell her how you felt when she told you the news. You can even start off by saying in a laughing kinda of voice " Oh boy I was in shock when you told me about what you did to that boy. Tell her that something like that should be shared between two adults, not boyfriend and girlfriend. Tell her that your concerned about how she is going to be looked at, and what kind of name she is going to make for herself. Now you seem to be a pretty leve headed women, and you did the right thing by not flying off the handle or yelling at her.

Between you and I -- I guess thatis better then having sex and getting pregnant, that is awesome that she wants you in her life, and she is asking you if it is ok, and that she did mention that all her friends do it. This might be a different generation, but STD doesn't discrimate just like drugs. I wish you Good Luck, and let her know that you appreciate her being about to tell you something like that, that is pretty gutsy. Reassure her that if she has any other question she can ask you but the next time have her ask before she does.

God Bless you for having a daughter that is willing to talk to you, want you in her life.

Answer 3

Just don't be hard on the girl. She obviously didn't really know any better. She did say "all of my friends are doing it, is it okay that I did?" She sounds a bit naive if she asked you that. She may be naive and ignorant, but mature. You should be proud of her that she was at least mature enough to actually talk to you about it. Not a whole lot of girls her age feel comfortable enough to tell their parents what's going on in their lives. Be glad you are able to get involved in her life like this, but don't interfere with things. Sometimes kids want to do what they want to do, and they'll do those things whether we say it's okay or not. Somehow they always find a way. It's more often that kids tend to go against what we want for them as parents simply because we said not to. Tell her that you're not mad at her, but slightly disappointed. Tell her that even though you don't agree with what she's doing, she needs to be able to learn from her own mistakes.. and just make sure that she is safe NO MATTER what she does.. reassure her that you're there for guidance if and when she ever needs it. That's what you as a parent are for. You just need to come to an agreement, a middle-ground if you will, on everything.

Just don't flat out tell her that it's "okay" to be doing that, especially if it's something she only did because her friends were doing and it was the "cool" thing to do to fit in.. Express your concerns and give her your take on things, but in the long run let her make that choice. She's turning into a young adult now and needs to learn to make her own choices and decisions in life and start making mistakes. How else do we learn but by making mistakes.

Answer 4

Sound like the problems started a lot earlier than now. Is she at least having "safer sex"? have you talked to her about it? Make sure that she uses condoms, and is on the pill. You don't want her pregnant, because you haven't seen fit to guide her, how will you guide a grandchild. Sounds like you gave up on parenting a while ago, and are only now scared that she will mess up and will force to you be a parent again, which it seems you despise. All a parent can do is give knowledge and advice from past experience. Talk to her, reason with her. Find out why she feels she has to have sex. Is she doing it to rebel against you? You seem like you want to be very controlling. Remember, your child knows you. If you make an empty threat, they will call your bluff. She may even leave on her own because of your ridiculous threat. If you never want to know your child, keep going the way you have. Your child is almost an adult, don't push her away, or she will never return, or if she does, its only for closure to the resentment she has towards you.

Answer 5

Your best bet is to be honest. Tell her that you know she's going to have urges like this because she's growing up. But, you have to also tell her that the spread of disease these days is very high due to the fact that too many young people aren't being cautious. You have to use protection no matter what, and you should really care for someone first because being sexual is a very emotional thing, and should be.

Be honest and be a friend in times like this. Definitely be happy that she came to you, even if it was after the fact. Make sure she knows that you're not lecturing her and that you just want to make sure she's around for a very long time, which means being safe. Get the facts and then give them to her.
Good luck and stay calm. Most girls don't go to their moms when these things come up. And remind her that just because her friends are doing it doesn't mean it's a good idea for her. She should learn to think for herself.

Answer 6

FIRST LOOK:Ok, look the worst thing you can possibly do in this situation is to yell at her or get seriously mad at her, if you do that you will most certainly loose her trust. Kids will be influenced by the people who they spend most of thier time with ( which now a days are thier peers in school ) this means they will take their friend's side over what the parents say always, if its "popular" they will do it, unless they're smarter or have a stronger will than most kids, the thing you have to understand is that if your teenager wants to do something no matter how much you don't like they will do it, unless you are willing to quit your job and monitor your child 24/7 you have a small amout of control over that. The fact alone that she told you about this means she is not a bad kid and that you have a strong relationship with your daughter.
SO WHAT CAN YOU DO? Talk to her, address her camly and logically, communication is the key in a issue like this. Your best bet is to educate her about the problems of this, that she should have more respect for herself, As the saying goes "If you can't stop them, prepare them" , just try to get though to her with reason and information. Pictures of nasty STD's will always have a good effect on the kids. Self-respect and negative effects of becoming sexually active should be your main arnament in this argument.
WHO's TO BLAME: Not her friends, and definatly not yourself, you have done a great job of parenting ( American Sensus Beaurau estimated that the average age for young girls to loose their virginy is 15 sense 2006 ). The Media is the enemy here, the mainstream media that our children see for approximatly 3 hours a day shows many images of sexuality ( sex sells), and implants this "Everybody's doing it" ideal into the young easily influence minds of our children.
REMEMBER: Information is our most effective weapon today

Answer 7

It's time to sit her down and tell her about STD and pregnancy. If you say or do anything out of emotions, chances are she will still do what she wants, and it will cause a rift between the two of you. At least warn or take precautions about catching diseases, and take some sort of precaution against pregnancy, otherwise, you may be a grandmother before you're ready. There are website that she can go on to educate her about sex. Have a conversation with her and ask her what she herself knows about this, and educate her on what she doesn't know. That is the best you can do.

Answer 8

I think the fact that she came and asked you is a good sign.

I don't know your daughter, of course, but many teenagers are torn between the peer pressure that points them to one set of values, and a vague hard-to-articulate sense that their own values might be different. But they need help in identifying that contrary opinion within themselves. And that is where parents can help.

We caught our daughter drinking with friends. Apparantly it had been going on for a while. But after her cover was "blown" and we talked about it with her, I had the impression that she was actually relieved that we had found out so that she had a way to stop.

It may be that by asking you, she is asking for you to help her figure out why she wants to say "no" to this behavior. All the "yes" voices in our culture are perhaps just too shrewd for her to have come up with a good come back yet.

I wish you and your daughter the best.

Answer 9

Tell her that she shouldn't do what "everyone else is doing." She should be unique and have morals. Just because everyone else is doing drugs, or drinking, or even having oral sex, that doesn't make it right. You should tell her that it's wrong, especially if she's 16! Oral sex is still sex. You don't want her to have a bad reputation at school because everyone knows that she gives oral to guys. Hope this helps!

Answer 10

you should have had this talk a long time ago. tell her that she doesnt have to be "like everybody else" tell her the boys will think she is a w h o r e if she gives them blow jobs tell her if she is going to do it that they still need to use a condom b/c she can still get an STD. Also, if she is have oral sex, she will be having intercourse soon. Explain the dangers and consequences. Good luck!

Answer 11

Ppl say you cant be your child's friend others want to be there child's friend but what i believe is that you can be your child's friend you need to just think like a mother. First you need to be honest do you think its wrong or right. Second you need to explain to her she can get an STD by just doing that. Thirdly you need to talk about that guy and how she really feels about him and how she would feel about her actions if they broke up. After that you need to know you did the best you could being her friend and her mother and know there is a possibility there will be more to come since she is now "sexually active". (BIRTH CONTROL PILLS)