how can i forgive and trust him now?

Question

my fiance cheated on me and now we both just would like to move forward...any advice?

Answer 1

As long as you can't trust him then you have nothing. Your not going to move on, and you don't have a relationship with no trust. That is a very important thing to have in a realationship. If you have the thought of him doing it again in the back of your head then there is no moving on.

He is going to have to show you that you can trust him again. This isn't going to happen over night. He is going to have to know that it is going to be harder this time around. He damaged your turst in him. This isn't something you can fix he has to do it.
You have to be willing to give him a chance. When you see him trying acknowlege him,or what he is doing. Both of you have to be open minded and be willing to get thru this together, and take it one day at a time. When that one day comes your going to find your self trusting him again and then you can set your wedding date. If you can't trust him as your fiance then how can you trust him as your husband? It is easier and less expensive to get out of a relationship than getting out of a marriage that you can't trust. I wish the both of you good luck, and GOD Bless.

Answer 2

If he is truly sorry and you want to work it out, there has to be ground rules. Trust is something that will have to be built back. There is going to be a period of time where he's going to have to let you know every move he makes, he'll just have to deal with it. After a while the trust comes back, you can forgive but forgetting doesn't happen. It's not something that you can throw up in his face on down the line when you have an argument. I have been cheated on and these were somethings me and my husband did and it worked for us. In all honestly after several years past, our relationship was better than before. Everyone is different and you two need to figure out what your ground rules will be.

Answer 3

Honey, this one is pretty simple. I know it seems difficult to move on now but would you rather move on today or 5 years from now after you've had two kids and he's cheated again? It only gets harder.

I agree with the person who said you need to take a step back. At the very least, call off the wedding until such time as you can be sure that you do trust him again. He needs to do some serious work to prove to you that he can be trusted.

I hope to heaven that the person who said 80% of men cheat is wrong. How depressing. I can't even think like that.

Take your time....you deserve someone who respects you and is capable of keeping his commitment and right now, this guy hasn't proved that to you....

Good luck...

Answer 4

I recommend couple's counseling and a lot of open honesty. He will have to come clean and show remorse, regret and sincere apology or you won't be able to trust that he knows the gravity of what he's done and he will never do it again. I think the only way that it will work is if he *knows* this for sure -- that he's realized he made the mistake of his life, he's learned from it, and he will never ever do it again because he loves you and he now understands that marriage is a commitment. It depends on the circumstances -- did you catch him or did he stop and confess? If you caught him, there's no guarantee he won't do it again until you find out again. But if he stopped it and came to you and sincerely apologized, then you know he can be honest with you even when it hurts you and him, so there is some hope. Good luck.

Answer 5

My fiance cheated on me, I called off the wedding, kicked him out, and we didn't talk for a couple of weeks. We are in the process of trying to decide if this will work, he is going to counseling, and we have gone as a couple once so far. He is very remorseful, changed his phone number, is working on changing his job hours so that we have a compatible schedule. I really just think time will bring trust back, I forgive him, I believe everyone makes mistakes, I believe everyone deserves a second chance. I'm hurt, but I also have never felt so perfect with anyone before, so I have to decide if this is a chance I am willing to take to get back with him. This is your life, only you live with the decisions you make. Do what makes you happy, even if it turns out to be a bad decision in the long run, at least you can say you gave it your all, you gave your love a chance. Read this and have your man read it, it's Dr. Phil...lol... but seriously, it is good advice on getting through this I think...
http://drphil.com/articles/article/16
I am willing to forgive and in time I am hoping to trust my man again, whether he burns me again, only time will tell, but that is the chance I want to take because I love him... email me if you want to talk about it more!! Good luck! : )

Answer 6

Advice to move on The best advice I can tell you is to Forgive and Forget, You can't bring it up in fights and throw it back in his face and you have to try and learn to trust him again. This is going to take awhile and you have every right to be suspicious but don't let it drive you crazy either. Make him stay home more and also ALWAYS have his phone with him if you need to get a hold of him you will be able to! Hope this helps.

Answer 7

I have to agree, forward is not where you will most likely go.....he cheated and it probly will happen again, I was engaged for 7 years before i married my husband and that was because we had a lot of problems, what i didnt know is we would still have them and lots more when we got married. I would think about finding someone else.

Answer 8

Your going to hear a little of everything from people preaching "leave him he cheated on you before you were married" to the whole other realm of things.

I have answered this type of question before. I am a firm believer in "make a mistake once shame on you, make a mistake twice its shame on me"--that being said- I was cheated on before I got married. It hurts, but I love my husband with ever piece of me. He made a mistake it happens. I learned many years ago to forgive. I forgave my hubby of his mistake, we worked past it and are now married, and very happy.

I am not going to say things are always peachy keen around my house, but we do not fight over what happened before our marriage.

He has not made a move to make that mistake again.

So if you want to move forward, and he is willing to work with you. Go for it!!!!

Answer 9

You forgave him know you are going to have to put it into all you can to trust him becuase if not it is not going to work. But I am going to tell yo this take time before you get married wait a while I forgave ,y husband becuase he cheated on me but it still hurts and I hate him for it to this day I still do not trust him I am with him but I do not trust him it is hard becuase til this day and it has been 5 years later I ask myself why did I forgive so what a think you should do is wait and think before you get married but think Long and hard in your heart because sometimes I am unhappy. Are you really going to forgive him in you heart are you willing to forget infidelty and you are not married yet. Think Think Think.... And good luck.

Answer 10

My advice is that anyone that would cheat after getting engaged is not someone that is ready for commitment. It is a lot harder to be married to someone than it is to be engaged to someone. There will be lots of trials and lots of hard times to go with the good. If he can't be faithful to you while things are essentially in the dating mode, you probably owe it to yourself to get out now, and move forward.... without him.