there's this female who my husband works with, she knows he's married but....?

Question

she is trying to pursue him unofficially. I don't know how to explain it but most females have done this before (i stand to be corrected) like talk to the guy pretending just to be friends so you can get closer to him so his guard would be down and he'll feel more comfortable towards you. So that you can get him to know you first as friends then something else can emerge.

Am i just being distrusting about this single female and in fact all single females who try to be friends with married men?

At the end of the day no one can really prevent anyone from doing what they want to do. You can't be a warden in a relationship, all you can do is be the person who've always been. But i want to know should i be wary of her and her intentions?

Answer 1

I know what you are trying to say, I've been watching it happen all the time in an office environment.

What she does, is spend more time around him, she'll do little things like go out of her way to make sure they run into each other and strike up more conversations with him then any other man in the office.

Am I anywhere close?

Not all single females want a married man. Let's set that record straight first. I am single and do not consider myself ugly in looks. I used to work w/ a married man who was so georgous, all the other women. married and single use to come up to me and say."How do you work with him all day, I'd get nothing done from just sitting and staring at him all day" He use to be a Model and was still in very good form.

But...he was married. I have respect for that and although he told me everything about his marriage how he cheated on her once and now he was facing his best friend trying to pick up his wife, his best friend was rehashing the old affair with his buddies wife to break her trust down again and take advantage of her vunerability. My co-workers best male friend who knew about the affair was re-opening an old wound to get his wife.
He told me everything. But I kept it at that. I never told anyone in the office what we spoke of. I have met his wife and I know the first time we met, she had come in just to see what I looked like. I'm sure he spoke of me at home.

Is your husband talking about this women in his office a lot?

My co worker never tried "to pick me up" nor did I try anything with him. I have to much respect for marriage and I will never be called the homewrecker.

So, I just want you to make sure who is approaching who at work. and to realize that not every single women goes after married men. Hey, a lot of married women go after married men....true? But once his wife met me, and she told me how much he spoke of me (that's why I knew) I talked to her the same way I talked to him. She soon realized she had no fears. I talk a lot but I also listen. He liked my advise from a woman's point of view. That was it and work.

But since I have seen so many women going after men at work, I trust myself, I just don't trust most of them.

I wouldn't ever let my guard down in any type of relationship, and even though some people may say I'm insecure, I think the opposite. I'm very secure with myself, but when you have been cheated on and more than once, it is just as natural to be on your toes at all times just like anything else in this world.
It doesn't mean you assume or accuse them of seeing anyone else. But for some reason a flag has been raised with you and I usually go with my gut.

Talk to your husband about her and ask him does he ever feel uncomfortable around her like she is getting a little to close at times?

Ask him if you have anything to worry about now? That way if she is trying to move in on him and suggests ONE drink after work.....he may decline since he's already aware you are aware of her and our husbands "habits' of what time he comes after work.
If he drinks and comes home smelling like alcohol and stumbles over who he was with. Then you have real reason to start questioning her motives.

Otherwise, talk to him about her, just let him know if you have anything to worry about and see how he reacts. don't lose any sleep over it but don't ever let your guard down either.

Good luck ~

Answer 2

Ask yourself this question...If he does do something with her is it going to be the end of the world? You personally may think so but if you read all the "cheating" questions on here you will soon see you are not the only one.

Currently about 80% of all marriages have one spouce cheating on the other. So it is very common. The real question is How are you going to handle it if and when it happens? You have several choices:

1. You can get very angry and confront him about it. Rant and rave which will not get either of you anywhere.
2. You can file for divorce and be single and if you have childern be a single mom without the help of your husband.
3. You can sit down and talk sincebly about it and try to understand his reasons for doing so without arguing. Forgive him and go on with your life and marriage.
4. Ask him if it would be OK for you to have a male friend and have sex with him. Don't say turn about is fair play either.
5. You and he can decide to have an open marriage (polyamory) and then there is no cheating.

Read each of these 5 things very carefully. Decide very carefully which actually holds the best answer for your situation. It could have been you that did the cheating or potential cheating just as easily.

Look at this reasonably not emotionally. Read this sight as well it will give you some insight into the situation. Is it perfect? No but it may help answer your question.
http://inkaboutit.homestead.com/affairs.html

If you want more help please write to me...my address is on my YA profile. Hope you can make good decisions.

Answer 3

It takes two to tango, unless you're afraid she's going to drug him and rape him.
Not all females are that way but this is how a lot of "I really didn't mean to" affairs start.
But before you start getting hot under the collar about his female associates, what about your guy associates? Reverse the rolls and what would you say and what would your husband say?
I would talk to him. Tell him that you are concerned and ask what "preventative measures" does he do to make sure that it doesn't go from innocence to affair.

My husband has this issue a lot. He gets hit on a lot! He good-looking, drives a Porsche, works from home and loves hanging out with our kids. Divorcee magnet!
He's had women tell him point blank they don't care if he's married, or (my favorite) "well, take my card anyway and call me WHEN things change".
I don't worry though. I'm 14 years younger than my husband and the Porsche is mine. ; )
There hasn't been a gal yet who is can beat me - yeah, I am that confident, but I work my butt off to be sure no one can too.
Just because you're married doesn't mean you should stop "dating" or pursuing your husband. Imagine he wasn't yours, but you want him. What would you change to get him? Then do that and you'll be able to keep him, you should know what he wants better than any other gal- so keep your man.
You can't expect your man not to begin to get interested w/ other women if you don't do anything to keep him interested in you. And I am not talking only about looks- unless he's that shallow.

Answer 4

Hummmm, this one can be tricky because u don't know what her intentions r. I'd say until u have something concrete don't
assume anything, it could be nothing at all. I guess it all goes back to the person ur involved with and the level of trust u have in him. She cant do anything unless he lets her...... so if I
had to question what may happen or suspect something it would be my level of trust in my mate. Hopefully it's nothing....
on the other hand u can sense when things aren't right, monitor
him behavior if things change from the norm and u get an overwhelming feeling that something is wrong its time for action. Until then, I wouldn't be concerned.

Answer 5

As long as it's business, I wouldn't worry. If he's her boss, she may be trying to get him to like her enough to give her a raise in pay.

If he doesn't already have a picture of you and the children on his desk, give him a nicely framed set, large enough to be seen by everyone. This will remind others he is married and give a sense of his devotion to you and your presence in his life.

Get all dolled up when you go to his office and be soooo charming especially to her so she can see she wouldn't stand a chance with him. When you talk to her, ask questions and find out all you can, in case she does cheat with him - things like where she lives, who her relatives, parents, siblings, friends, minister, church is. If they cheat, read Divorce Busters.

Send him flowers and plants to his office for special occasions. Once in awhile (no more than once a month or maybe every 2 or 3 months) pick him up from work to go to lunch or even dinner before a concert or symphony or meeting.

You might consider having a Christmas open house party where you have lots of handsome, single men available for her to meet and take her around to introduce her to each one of them - maybe she'll fall for one of them.

Dear, don't worry too much - in many years of working for one company, I saw very few of these kind of situations. There was a boss who married his secretary and only one that made a big scandal in the office, because most people want to keep their jobs.

If they are having a Christmas office party, go looking positively gorgeous!!!

Joy to you!

Answer 6

Women can be rotten to the core, or perhaps it's self preservation - biologically speaking?

She might be insecure and craves attention. Even if it means getting it from a married man. Or perhaps it's an ego boost, knowing that married men might leave their spouse for her beauty. Either way, it's pretty low being a home wrecka.

Simply have a talk with your man. Ask him, if he has any feelings for her (ex. a crush). Ask him if you should be worried about that tramp. Ha!

Anyways, if you trust your husband you shouldn't have to worry.

Answer 7

I think you should keep an eye on it but that it.
You are probs friends with married men or men with have girlfriends and you have no intention of anything happening, maybe you could get to know her while your husband is there, for example invite her and a few friends over for dinner?

Answer 8

She may possibly just want to be friends with him but if your women's intuition is kicking in, trust it. You are wise to be wary but I'm sure your husband is loyal to you and smart enough to figure out her tricks.

With that said, I'd definitely shoot her some looks to let her know that you're on to her. Nothing to cause a scene of course, just let her know that you're not a fool.

In my experience, these are usually females with low self-esteem and often unattractive and it makes them feel worthy if they can "steal" a man. They are scum.

Answer 9

Females who are skanks will forever be skanks. There is nothing that you can do to prevent it. If your husband loves you and your marriage is great. Then don't worry about it because your husband should stop anything before it happens. And like someone mention before don't even give the skank any power!

Answer 10

Your husband is in control of this situation and, if he is smart, he'll brush off any advances she may make.

You can worry about 'what ifs' your entire life; believe in your husbands love. Think he knows how to handle the situation.