A dear friend of mine is recently divorced. She has been insulted so much so her self esteem is in shatters. She asked me crying "What is wrong with me?" Do I tell her how to start fixing some of the problems I see? Do I offer to take her shopping or for a girls day at a Spa?
She has the inner beauty, and could possess the outer beauty as well....or am I setting myself up for loosing a friend...This unusual, because most of the time I would just blurt out what the problem is and how to fix it....
This has bothered me....the wanting to help and unsure as to how.
Any ideas....especially from those of my contacts....
Peace.
2007-11-19 03:56:09 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Well...here's what I think... if she is recently divorced...she isn't REALLY wanting to hear what is truly wrong with her. She is asking it outloud..but probably isn't prepared to hear it. You can absolutley take her out and pamper her.. but I would assess when she may be ready to hear what she really can change and is actually strong enough to make those changes. Most of us also have mistaken beliefs about ourselves so you may be suprised what she truly believes about what. Being a "therapist" of course I would love to see her get support from someone who is trained and has had experience in helping women in this position. ok, that's my 2 cents worth..now i'm hungry.. pass the sausage stuffing?
2007-11-19 14:29:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I sure can relate because when I went through my divorce I was a mess too! My husband made me feel like I was a nothing! It sounds like what your friend needs most is for you to be there for her.First of all I needed someone to listen. At this point I think pointing out places where she can improve is premature. Offer her a day at the spa or hair salon at a later time, maybe you could go together so it doesn't look like you are trying to improve her. The last thing she needs is any more dings to her self esteem. She also doesn't need to be set up with any guys. She needs your love and acceptance and your time. Give her that and she will get through this ok. Dont get impatient if this takes awhile. I know my friends got tired of hearing me talk about it, but it really helped me get past it. Then, she starts feeling better, you can gently (so gently) make suggestions. Be careful! Her ego is so fragile!
Be loving in all ways!
Thank you for being such a good, caring friend! YOU ROCK!
2007-11-19 05:30:46 · answer #2 · answered by disturbed 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't give her self esteem. She will gain that herself, gradually, by doing things for herself. It's not an overnight thing and you can't do it for her although you can try and boost her self-image as much as you can. Be positive around her as she'll be feeling very negative at the moment. You can help her by standing by her and supporting her emotionally - listening when she wants to talk etc and being empathetic. The Spa Day sounds a great idea for relaxation and a lift to her spirits. Coax her to join a club or start a college course where she'll meet new people who will see her as she really is - not as how her ex-husband taught her to think of herself. If she's too withdrawn to go by herself, offer to go with her at first. It took a long time to shatter her self-worth so it'll take quite a while for her to regain her confidence.....but it will happen. Don't make the mistake of trying to matchmake for her though. She just needs to gather herself together as an ordinary person first before she sticks her toe back into the dating scene. You sound like a very good friend to her.
2007-11-19 04:13:23 · answer #3 · answered by chris n 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Just continue to be there for her. Divorce can be a traumatic experience just like when a loved one passes away. BUT you can't shoulder her problems on YOUR own. She has to get help from this - rather see a therapist to work on her emotional and mental issues. Or for her to join a support group dealing with divorces.
It is a sensitive issue just be careful not to do anything to make her upset or even you. You can be a support system but dont forget, once in awhile you need a breather as well. (Not a bad thing - you need to look after yourself too).
My consolations to you and your friend. It's not easy to deal with a divorce. It is a life alternating.
Give her time to grive on this - it wont happen overnight. It might take awhile to get her confidence and positive attitude back in shape.
2007-11-19 05:14:43 · answer #4 · answered by mitchchan 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
At the moment give her space..i think she will need that. After she has come to terms, try to sort out each problem at a time.Low self esteem is the worst feeling one can have .I am one of them,so i can tell you from experience
2007-11-19 14:25:03 · answer #5 · answered by Kisses an Wishes 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do both--in a subtle way, of course. Try to get her to admit what the problem may be and offer her all your support in trying to improve her self image.
Don't let her get too depressed for the Holidays!!!! Too many people attempt suicide this time of the year!!!
2007-11-19 07:56:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry Sweetie but I have NO idea as I was just in a similar situation & got some excellant support from my friends but none of them pointed out any faults that I had!
2007-11-19 04:04:17 · answer #7 · answered by Harley Mama!! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell her that she needs a girls day out . tell her you will come over to do her hair and make-up and while your doing it suggest a cute cut she could get. then see if she has money for shopping and tell her you will help her find some outfits to make her see her beauty,dont make them slutty. as you two are talking dont say "i think you should " or "i would" do this or that say "what do you think about doing this or that ". leave it up to her that way its her making the choices and she will know how to make them later by herself.
2007-11-19 04:06:10 · answer #8 · answered by marilynfsmgm 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If anyone could help, I am sure you are the one. You possess the ability to radiate hope to your dear friend. Please take her out for the day if you can, and I am sure your connection will help the healing process. If anyone can help her pick up the pieces and continue on, you are the person who can. Good luck.
2007-11-19 04:28:36 · answer #9 · answered by Paulus 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What about if you did a little of both? Go shopping together and stop somewhere for lunch. During lunch, naturally you'll start talking about what's going on with her, and you can gently make suggestions if you think she is ready to hear them.
2007-11-19 04:01:35 · answer #10 · answered by makeloans2 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋