Is this marriage or slavery?

Question

I've been married 4 years as of October. I want to know your opinion. There is no 'right' or 'wrong' answer, I just want to vent. My husband works all day as I stay at home. I cook, clean, vaccuum, everything except for the cat litter. I'm scared to ask him for any help, because he gets angry easily. What do you think of this marriage? I try to do the litter, but it makes me sick to my stomach. I know that 2 of our 3 cats are mine, but I just can't do it! I've tried to do it, but after each time, I throw up or dry heave. The thing is, I'm scared to ask for ANY help! What do you think of this?

Answer 1

You have chosen the homemaker role, so I don't think it is slavery. Is it just the cat litter? He won't do it, or have you even asked him? What did you do before marriage with those two cats, and what did he do with his one cat, regarding the litter? I think there is something deeper going on here, something like he is controlling and demanding and unappreciative of how much you do. You should never be afraid to talk to your husband or something is wrong. I now bang the "get counseling" drum, for yourself and if possible as a couple.

Answer 2

There is no 'mine and his' in a marriage. That comes after the divorce. Are you afraid because he'll hurt you if he gets mad, or are you just not used to venting so loudly? If he is hurting you, then you need to get out now. Immediately. If he's just loud, well, look at his family. I'll bet they're the same way. The louder he gets, the quieter you need to talk. Not just when he's angry, but all of the time. When he realizes this, (if he's a good man), he'll tone down, and discuss better. They do make automatic cat litter boxes that work pretty good.

Answer 3

If you are sick to your stomach when you think of asking for his help, or even making him angry for that matter, don't you think this marriage is a bit unhealthy? I have 3 cats, and my fiancé cleans the litter because I am allergic to it. Whenever I am overwhelmed, I ask him for help, even though he may be overwhelmed. Asking for help shouldn't trigger anger. When you ask for his help and he gets angry say something like "Honey, I am just asking for help. If you can't help, just say so. Please don't get angry with me." If you fear his anger so much, why not consider some marriage counseling? It benefits every marriage, no matter how healthy it is. Also consider some anxiety counseling for yourself - You sound like you are in an almost constant anxiety.

So no, this is not slavery. It's normal to ask your spouse for help; everyone has to do it every now and then. Besides, the cat box doesn't take that much time. If you do have to do the cat box every now and then, you might consider getting a Rubbermaid container with a lid, one short enough for the cats to get in, and long enough for 3 cats. When you have to do the boxes, take a deep breath and hold it. Put the lid on (You can breathe now) and take it out to a garbage can. Hold your breath again, take the lid off and dump the box. Put the lid back on (breathe) and take it back in. Then fill the box when you get back in. I find that this makes it pretty painless for me.

Best wishes.

Answer 4

First of all be glad that you don't work a full time job and still do all of that by yourself. Why the hell would you be scared to ask him for help. So what if he gets mad. Get mad back. You have to stand up for yourself at some point.
If the litter makes you sick and he will not help then put the cats outside or find new homes for them.

Answer 5

This is the guy you chose to spend your life with. talk to him about the problem your having with the litter box. I work all night and still help my wife with tons of stuff around the house. marriage is a team effort. you shouldn't be scared to ask your husband anything. if he gets mad at you for asking for help then he's not much of a man. I wish all I had to do was work and change a litter box. as far as you over coming your problem try vicks in your nose.

Answer 6

You go to work all day and come home and be exspected to do home chores.Doesn't sound fair does it.I would say deal with the cat litter and be thankful your husband works and can afford for you to stay at home.If you think it is slavory then why are you married?Shouldn't be scared of your husband anyway.And maybe you are scared of asking because you feel a little guilty for wanting him to do stuff as little as that and work all day.

Answer 7

Seeing as you do all the house chores he could at least compromise and clean the litter. It's not like your asking him to cook, clean, watch the kids, and work etc... he needs to help out also. My BF works 60 hours per week and granted he gets a little lazy, but he still helps out, there is no excuse. Good luck!

Answer 8

I think that as your Husband you Should Not be afraid to ASK him anything. And you shouldn't have to do everything, even if you do stay at home. He should help you out. Running a household is no easy task. If you don't feel like you can "talk " to your husb. without him getting ticked, then maybe you aren't with the Right One?! Do some Soul searching !!! Good Luck !!!

Answer 9

Your marriage is not to solid,if you are scared to ask for help.
If your husband wont help with the cat box,maybe you should get rid of the cats.
Tell your husband if he can`t help with the litter box, you will get rid of the cats. Good luck to you.

Answer 10

So, you leave your husband.

You have two cats now not three.

Who changes the cat litter?

Look be mature about this.
You can change the litter so you just flush it all down the loo.
OR
Make your cats poop outside as nature intended.
OR
Rehome your cats.

Don't have kids cos changing nappies is worse than that! Honest!