My fiance and I have been together for over 3 years. We have two daughters (2 and 7 months old) together. We've just gotten engaged about 3 weeks ago. Well I'm ready to set a date, have the wedding and get on with our married lives. Him on the other hand. Well that's a long story. He says he just wants the committment and is not ready to set a date and doesn't foresee a future date that he'll be ready. He got mad because I told my mom, my 3 sisters and his little cuzin. Everybody is extremely excited and happy for us and they want to know if we've set a date. I'm trying to be respectful of him and his feelings because I know that this is a huge step but at the same time I feel like he has a case of the "WHY BUY THE COW WHEN I'VE ALREADY HAD THE MILK" syndrome. And that he's using this engagement to say see I love you and I'll marry u eventually but just not anytime in the next couple of years. And I'm worth more than that. I'm ready to leave him, I didnt get a ring. So what u think?
2007-11-19 02:46:25 · 9 answers · asked by *~*Jon-Jon's Mommy!!*~* 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I dont doubt that he honestly loves me but I'm getting fed up. I can handle being engage but we have to be serious about this. We're not young teenagers. We both have nice jobs, car and a wonderful house. I just think he's content with that and doesn't want to change it and I'm not. I don't want my daughters to grow up thinking that it's okay to "shack up" with the father of your children. I never wanted to be someone's "baby mama" and I wish that I had really done it differentally but hindsight is 20/20. I am just at the end of my rope. It's obvious that we're not ready to set a date so that's not even what I care about. I just want to make sure that he is genuienly wants to get married and actually have an egagement ring or else we need to break up. I'm tired of the emotional rollercoaster.
2007-11-19 02:55:15 · update #1
I think you are spot on with your instinct. What's in it for him? Seriously?
AND if you didn't get the ring, what is the engagement really worth? I'm sorry, it's not all about the amount of money spent, but it IS about the thought put into it, and it doesn't sound like he put much in.
It's really a shame that you didn't put this kind of thought in before you had kids with this man.
2007-11-19 02:51:07 · answer #1 · answered by btpage0630 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
First of all, lets get real, you are not engaged, you are only being pacified in order for him to get you off his back. To be engaged means that the two people who are engaged are announcing to the world and to themselves that they are ready to take that big step into marriage, and they do so by getting a ring and setting a date. Your guy is typical of the men who have no incentive to marry as they are already getting all the benefits, so you are right in your assessment on "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". This is why girls should never set themselves up for this type of living arrangement, as the guy is the one is gets the benefits without the commitment of marriage. You have his children, you have been living together and he still feels he is not ready? How so< he already is doing it, but he just does not want to take that final step towards matrimony. Stop letting him pacify into thinking you are engaged and expect more. This guy is finding excuses and the engagment is one of them.
2007-11-19 03:26:49 · answer #2 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have created that desirable condition for him that he can have the cake and eat it. Its a shame that he doesn't appreciate what he has and wants to make it permanent. He hasn't grown up yet and he is not ready to commit himself. Its sad..after being with him for 3 yrs and have two daughters together. Have a serious talk with him and give him a chance to reconsider his decision. Let him know that if he still wants to wait a few more years, then let your options be open. You need not remain exclusive. Giving him an ultimatum will not get a desirable result as he will feel you are pushing him. Good luck!
2007-11-19 02:58:43 · answer #3 · answered by Didi 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's already living the married life and committed to you, so I think I'd ask him why marriage scares him so much. What is getting in his way of making a permanent committment to you. You two need to talk about this, you don't want to waste another 3 years and then find out he never will be ready to committ.
2007-11-19 02:51:33 · answer #4 · answered by pussycat 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The reality of you situation is the two of you are NOT engaged. Accept it.
Once you get a ring and the date is set, then he will be your fiance.
Trust me. You are a beautiful woman. You deserve better than this.
Good luck.
2007-11-19 02:51:16 · answer #5 · answered by box of rain 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
your question was too long for me but from what I have read, the "cow and milk" excuse is total BS. YOU HAVE 2 KIDS!!!! he is obviously already committed!!!! why the hell would he not want to marry you.....this is something he owes to you for many reasons and most importantly, the kids! you have every right to be frustrated.....give him an exploding offer.....marry in 1 year or get out!
2007-11-19 03:27:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you think that is what it is going to take to show him that he really does want you in his life then I say go for and I hope you get what you want out of it
2007-11-19 02:56:31 · answer #7 · answered by ღKrissyღ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
shouldn't you have thought about all this BEFORE you had children with him? If you are happy why break up your family now? A ring doesn't make or break an engagement......
2007-11-19 02:49:50 · answer #8 · answered by abc 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Tell him set the date or you're calling it quits.
2007-11-19 03:24:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋