Do you think I am insensitive or is he just going overboard?

Question

My husband is a 29 year old only child and is a mama’s boy to the heart. She still treats him like a newborn baby and it disgusts me. He requires a lot of attention and he expects me to treat him like she would. Anytime he has been sick I have been there for him and wait on him hand and foot. But sometimes I feel as if he goes overboard and takes advantage of the situation. He will turn minor symptoms into a huge illness. The congestion and sore throat started on Saturday and he whined all day Saturday and Sunday. He likes to whine about things but doesn’t want to do anything to alleviate the symptoms. He finally took some medicine and when I got home from church yesterday, of course after he had talked to mama (which is what he calls her), he said she suggested he go to the ER. He has had no fever the entire time, he said he didn’t have any body aches or anything. The only thing that was wrong was he had a sore throat and congestion.

He said it hurt to swallow but the funny thing is I bought him some dinner home and he ate all that including dessert, and didn’t seem to have a problem to me. He had been eating all sorts of crap yesterday. So anyway, I asked him if he wanted to go ahead and go to the ER. He kept toying with the idea (as usual) and said he thought he’d be okay. I went and got on the computer and the phone, and here he comes saying he guesses he will go to the ER. He said he felt fine, but he wouldn’t be able to sleep because it felt as if his tonsils were swollen and he wanted to be able to breathe through his nose. Okay, so we go and wait almost 4 hours before going back. They swabbed his tonsils for strep throat. In the meantime, the doctor examines him and says his throat is pretty red. He said he’d let us know the results. My husband actually seemed excited. At one point he said he hopes they found something so the ER visit wouldn’t be a waste.

I had strep and spent the night in the hospital 2 weeks ago, so I guess that’s why he felt he had a chance. Even then, he started to act like he ws coming down with the symptoms. He even got mad because I slept in the guest bedroom for 2 nights to ensure he didn’t get anything. Anyway, the nurse came back about 20 minutes later, handed us a couple sheets of paper and sent us on our way. I had to ask questions because they didn’t even elaborate. I asked if he had strep and she said no, he has a viral infection (associated with the common cold). She suggested he take some Motrin and drink plenty of fluids. Then my husband asked if he can go to work (he’s asking in hopes that they’ll say no). She said yes, you can go to work. The whole time in the car he’s contemplating whether or not he’s going in. Granted he would have only had 4 hours to sleep. But that’s not why he didn’t want to go. He wanted to be severely sick and wanted a legitimate reason to stay at home.

So after all the going back and forth (which is typical with my hsuband) he decided to call in today. He works in production so they are strict about calling in, but I told him he should do whatever he felt he needed to do. He just called me a few minutes ago sounding upbeat and said his mother just called and asked him to lookup a pecan pie recipe on the internet, so that’s what he was doing. Then he went on to say he was okay, but his leg was still hurting (that symptoms started yesterday). I don’t know what to tell him about his leg. I know I probably sound mean, but I get so sick of him taking every little illness (runny nose) and running it in the ground. Then he’ll sit on the phone with mama and she’ll pacify him and that will make him act worse.

I have been hospitalized twice and had several procedures. But most all of my trips to the ER have been legitimate cases (sliced finger open with knife, appendix ruptured, temporary vision loss in left eye, severe toothache). He used to be very insensitive to me until I told him about himself one day. It had gotten to the point to where he didn't want me to go to the ER -- and the time he really got mad about it because it was late in the night, my appendix had ruptured. I am glad that I listened to my first mind.

But after a reality check he is usually very supportive when I am sick, however, I don't require a lot of attention. I am very independent and usually do things for myself -- which irritates him. But that goes to show even though I'm down, I can still function and do for myself.

Answer 1

Sounds like you got yourself a child, not a man there.

Next time he wants to play the dying swan when ill, leave him to it. Don't wait on him, don't cave in to his infantile demands. He is a grown man, and if a simple cold and sore throat is enough to floor him like that and make him go to ER and waste everyone's time, what is he going to be like if he gets genuinely ill?

Let him learn the hard way. You are his wife, not his mother, and he is a grown man, not a little kid. A cold wont kill him, and there is nothing more pathetic than someone who makes a fuss over one. Next time, let him suffer alone.

Answer 2

He is a very spoiled little boy. Tell him so and warn him that if he carries on with this childish behaviour he will have to find another substitute mummy - which incidentally he will find very difficult to do because sooner or later everyone will get fed up of him. Suggest he trins as a medical prfessional and then he will see real suffereing instead on contantly attention seeking like when he was 2 and went crying to his mama (oh puke). Oh and show him this answer. By the way is he podgy as well - most spoiled mummies boys are - it's all part of the overindulgent narcissim of the pathetic losers.

Answer 3

As long as his mother panders to him , he'll try to drag you into his pathetic net. Check him out when a problem comes up, Something like the sore throat problem is nuts. Suggest a treatment and if he doesn't take it ., ignore him. Let him do more on his own. Don't wait 4 hours in the hospital with him next time. Go to the cafateria and stay there for a few hours with a book or go to a movie. Don't enable his problem.

Answer 4

Clearly, you must know that your husband is definitely going overboard.

Why do you play this game? If it were me, I wouldn't even talk to him about whether or not he's going to the ER. I'd say, "Well, if you want to go, then go." I would not wait on him and and foot -- I'd bring him fluids and/or medicine, but that's about it. You don't have to give him the attention he's expecting. Keep everything matter of fact. Example: "I you feel well enough to go to work, go. If not, don't." Period. Getting into these long conversations/debates with him about his illness doesn't do him any good and it only irritates you. So stop it.

Answer 5

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Answer 6

lol i guess some men just like to be pampered, however i would see where it would disgust you when he wants you to be kinda like is mom..but, you did marry him and you had to of known that he was like this before you got married, mama's boys are very easy to define and now you just have to deal with this. You could try questioning his manliness sometimes that makes them snap out of it, or just stop babying him. I can't exactly give you the greatest advice on this because my husband has no attachments like this, although he does act as if he's dying when he gets a cold..lol..most of the time i just agree with him, but when he takes it over board i'm usually like get over yourself..i wish i could be of more help..good luck!

Answer 7

OH my gosh...What a freaking big *ss baby! My hubby would go to work even if he was practically on his death bed....Bet your husband would want to go to the ER if he had a sniffle....If he in fact had Strep Throat...he would be running a fever and would have a stomach ache.....He needs to grow up and his mother needs to let him be a man and stop babying him...

Answer 8

My exhusband was like that...he even called 911 for an ambulance when he had a tooth ache..he cried in bed when he had a bad cold. If you keep babying him and giving in to his weakness, its only gonna get worse. You better start putting your foot down if you want this guy to grow up...i couldnt take it anymore and left--but for other reasons as well.

Answer 9

He is going WAY overboard, it sounds like he's so used to getting all the attention, and also sounds like he's VERY spoiled. He's going way overboard, and honestly you need to put your foot down about it. You need to let him know your not his mom, and that he needs to quit trying to expect you to be his mom.

Answer 10

He's using you and you let him. When he moans just ignore him and stay out of the room. Don;t cook him tea - he's home all day and he can walk - he should be making your tea!