My husband and I split and he admitted cheating on me, and had moved in with the woman. He only lasted about 3 weeks and we reconcilled. He has since moved back with me and comitted himself to me. However, the woman keeps calling. We have changed our phone numbers but she got a hold of his work cell (His work requires him to be on 24 hour call so she could have gotten it from calling his guard shack). This is what he swears must have happened but he keeps his work cell off at home?! Do I trust him? How do I know, How can I find out? I dont want to be lied to again. His sincerity is there, but there are still questions.
2007-11-19 01:15:40 · 14 answers · asked by JennB 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Take the bull by the horns. Call the woman yourself. Tell her your man is back with you now, and that she has to back off for good.
You never know. By talking to her, you might find out something too...
2007-11-19 01:25:36 · answer #1 · answered by helly 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Here's the thing: when you took your husband back, you said, in effect, that you were going to trust him. He cannot control what this woman does, and it's quite possible that she did get the number from calling the guard shack. You've got to work with him, to get this problem solved. Even though you may have questions, let him see you in a positive light. Let him see you being as sincere as he is. Ask him if it's possible to get his work cell number changed. If he can't, he'll have to wait for this woman to get tired of calling.
You must remember that your husband allowed himself to become involved with this woman. He chose to move in with her, knowing he was married. You can't blame her for being hurt, now that he's come back home. It's true that she should not have been with a married man, but we don't know what he told her. We don't know what convinced her to let him into her heart. Give her some time. Once she gets over losing him, she'll probably stop calling. In the meantime, trust that your husband realizes his mistake and let this episode in your marriage die.
2007-11-19 02:00:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to break this off once and for all, so that she and you know he will not be in contact with her. Have him call her or email her or text her with these words - I love my wife and will no longer accept any phone calls, emails, text messages or contact of any type from you. If you do attempt to contact me, I will ignore the calls or emails. It is over and I have started a brand new life with my wife; one without you included in it.
He also needs to be very honest with you; let you know if she tries to contact him and such. But the best thing is for him to get that no contact message to her as soon as possible, and, to follow through with it. She is desperate, at this point and will try anything and everything to get him back in her life. I know this, I've been through it and what worked was his calling her and telling her exactly what I have written above. Not one peep from her,.
Now to the trust issue, he must earn your trust back and that takes a long time; sometimes months, sometimes years. But you two can make it if you are both dedicated to your love and your marriage. No one wants to be lied to; you are afraid and vulnerable, but his actions will show you if he can be trusted and when you know you do believe him again, it will be easy to trust. Look into his face, his eyes and see the love he has for you. You can't change the past, so live in the present and the future; dwelling on what has happened will only bring you pain. Start healing and loving each other.
2007-11-19 01:28:14 · answer #3 · answered by pussycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the question is will you ever be able to trust him again or will you always wonder what he might be doing if hes late or if you cant get a hold of him. Can you live that life? If you can let all of this go and forget tell him hed better put a stop to her calling and hed better do it now! Personally I dont think you will ever be able to trust him anymore, and if thats the case you will live in he__ for the rest of your life.
2007-11-19 01:55:36 · answer #4 · answered by sunshine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard call. If your husband came clean with his employer they can switch out numbers for him and not give information out to the apparent stalker. He can also file a complaint with the police and get a restraining order. This is if he is telling the truth.
You both need marriage counseling and time so trust can come back to the marriage.
Good luck.
2007-11-19 01:25:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i understand what ur goin through even though im not marrierd you should always trust your spouse unless u catch him or u see it so im not saying follow him around but you should be suspicous think of some way to figure out if him and this woman are communicating if he has to work late drop by and take him dinner (wink wink) if hes not there worry he cant lie his way out of that then your free to go expecially if you know where this woman stays u drive by and see his car their but u have to trust him for now try to save your marriage if it was a great thing...
I Hope This Is Helpfull........
2007-11-19 01:28:06 · answer #6 · answered by Missy 09 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For me, I would not have allowed him to move back in while we workd towards a reconciliation. Sounds fishy, sorry :(
I tried a reconciliation with my former spouse after 18 months trial separation, and I knew in a week's time that he could not be trusted again. Listen to your gut.....if he is willing to get into intense counseling and discover what made him cheat in the first place, that would be a good place to start. He has to EARN your trust....don't just give it away, gf.
2007-11-19 01:27:04 · answer #7 · answered by that judi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he would have to do anything or everything to show u that he loves u, begins with trust, this means having his cell phone on becuz then hes kinda showing u that hes hiding something. those qoustions will be there until u decide that u cant do it alone to move on, u need to go see a counselor to help u understand and move on.
2007-11-19 01:22:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
in ur words (His work requires him to be on 24 hour call so she could have gotten it from calling his guard shack). why he turn it off? hes a dog. once a cheat always one. she wouldnt be calling if he didnt give her reason. maybe u need to have lunch with this lady and get some info... sometimes u have to keep ur foes close.
2007-11-19 01:26:26 · answer #9 · answered by kitttkat2001 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Use a voice acitvated recoreder. (FYI-this is illegal)
Put it under his car seat. Listen to it later. If he is in contact with her, he will call her as soon as he gets a chance.
2007-11-19 02:30:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋