Should we elope or what?

Question

I am 17 and my fiance is 20. we have a 2 month old son. Despite what you may think we are mature and responsible parents and our son is everything to us. My fiance lives with his parents right now due to family rules. Hes had a really hard time finding work. Our state is very hard to find a job in which is why alot of people work out of state. he finally got a job 2 weeks ago at walmart. he had a blood and hair drug test last week and the results arent in yet. I know he smokes pot twice in august (before we were back together)and the drug test can detect back that far. So the chance that his test could be possitive is an unfortunate reality. His mom said if its possitive she's kicking him out on the street. I couldn't let him live on the street. We were planning a wedding in May, but my mom says if that happens we should elope. I wouldn't mind but my question is what do you think we should do?

Answer 1

Honestly you're both a bit young for marriage despite having a child together. You should try get a place together first and wait to see if things will work out between you first.

Answer 2

EVERYTHING you have said - the pot (which wouldnt show if it was AUgust) - the walmart job - the son at 17 - the "back together" - the kicking out into the street - and he is 20 and he lives to family rules? Is he a grown man?? ...EVERYTHING tells me you are both not mature and not responsible.

Real life out there is much more difficult than you imagine - if you elope you will be homeless, jobless, and without any support from your families. Is this the right way to raise a 2 month old child?

Face up to it - you have been irresponsible and immature and it's now time to grow up, stay at home, get some decent work, work hard, save up and get a place together. Marriage is an unnecessary expense at the moment so if you MUST get married then do it cheaply - your child needs food more than you need a wedding ring.

Answer 3

its illegal for the doctor to disclose the test results to his mother. I'm not sure if the drs are allowed to outright lie, but the man 20 bloody years old, his mum must be a real control freak.

I'm not sure what your exact circumstances are in your own home, but your mother at least sounds very supportive. Have you considered bringing up the topic of your fiance moving in with your family? I mean you have a child together AND your planning on getting married AND your mother is all for an elopement.

good luck with whatever decision you make, but i really think him moving in with you and your family is the best way to go. You have a 2month old son, and you wouldnt be able to work. It's going to be very tough for you guys with only walmart as the sole income. Maybe you could stay with your parents for a bit, and try to save up for a deposit on your own home?

Good luck

Answer 4

What do you plan on doing after eloping? You are going to need money for a house. Eloping is not going to just make all of your problems going away. It is just going to give you a wedding- that is it. Marriage has nothing to do with your problem and will not solve anything. Why does he have to tell his mother the test is positive? Tell your boyfriend to stop smoking pot, because he now has a child and needs money to provide for him. Tell him to straighten himself out and be responsible. Where are you living? If he does get kicked out, try bringing him in with you TEMPORARILY until he gets on his feet. You got yourself in a tough situation here. You are too young to be dealing with these problems, but since you cannot erase them, you have to overcome them. What do you do? Do you have a job?

Answer 5

OK... family history in my family... no body gets married until they can afford it! They must be out of debt and have a full time job. If you can't afford to live out on your own on only one paycheck don't leave your Mom's house. ALWAYS make your decisions based on one paycheck (yours). Make plans for your career - you are a parent and you are responsible for the health, safety and happiness of your son.

Your boyfriend should be doing he same. Even with a job at Walmart, he needs to get additional training for another well paying job for the future. He's a parent now and that means - no drugs - duh!

Answer 6

If you're 17, are you still in high school? If so, it might be a good idea to finish that up while living with your parents. If your finance wants to go look for a job in another state, he can do that, and when you graduate, you could have that wedding and go join him with the baby.

Answer 7

I think that you all should chill. No offense but you guys don't seem all that responsible.your finace is 20 and still lives with his parents and might fail a drug test since he smokes pot. I think that you should wait until you all get your stuff together. both of you get an apartment, at least one you has a job and can afford to feed the three of you (you, your finace, and baby) and provide for it. then get married.

Answer 8

You two are starting off so wrong. how is he going to support your child or are we because you will be getting State aid? You two need a REAL plan, like schooling and real jobs. Let him get his act together then get married, you will have a much better chance making it if you do. NO MORE CHILDREN UNTIL YOU DO....You are parents now and owe that much to him.

Answer 9

Mature and responsible people don't live with their parents and smoke pot and worry about failing a UA. You need to open your eyes to alot of things.

Answer 10

Elope, use the wedding money for the child. If his parents have a prolem with that then they are a problem themselves. Take your Moms advice and move forward with it.