They have been together almost as long as I've been alive. They are happy together and very much in love with 4 beautifull children(all his) and are best friends, they do everything and go everywhere together. I'm not married but I have a very beautiful companion and I'm not willing to share her.
I've heard people bash this type of lifestyle and I can imagine it has its disadvantages.
Is it possible to remove sex as a divorce causing factor in a relationship?
What's your opinion?
2007-11-19 00:49:42 · 12 answers · asked by Tall Chicky 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
"Is it possible to remove sex as a divorce causing factor in a relationship?"
Yes and no. It greatly depends on the people involved. I know for a fact that it's possible because that's the life I'm living right now. For my husband of 13+ years and I, if anything were to come between us and cause us to divorce, sex would be the last thing on the list. Things are this way between us because we have DECIDED to make them that way between us. No jealousy. No possessiveness. No lies.
This is a very difficult thing to explain, but it is entirely possible if a couple chooses to make it happen. Incidentally, we are swingers. But neither swinging nor monogamy are prerequisites to a jealousy-free relationship; just a shared desire for it.
"When one of your swingers stops swinging, you'll see how much in love they really are!"
Ahem...Been involved in the lifestyle since about 1998 (soft-swinging), went to 'full-swap' swinging in 2003, and were forced back to monogamy about mid-2004 by busy careers, kids, and (non-swinging-related) health issues. We're both still thriving as a couple...monogamously. So much for the "you can never go back" theory. It's true, however, that we both would love to get back to playtime...much like you would yearn to go back to that little villa in the Caribbean.
"...but I think it would take some serious emotional and psychological convincing for someone to firmly make themself believe in their heart and mind that there is no risk to their relationship or their emotional well-being envolved."
No, not really. Not if it's the truth. If it were a lie that I was trying to convince myself of, then I would agree that it would take considerable effort to convince myself of it. But, while the road to realization of one's self is often long and winding, when you get to the end and find the truth, it's very, very easy to believe. We know for a fact that what we do is not a risk to our relationship because through our experience with non-monogamy it has become self-evident. We have proven it to ourselves. Trial by fire, as it were. That little nagging 0.0001% what-if no longer exists because we have asked the scary questions and answered them. And it turns out the bogeyman wasn't under the bed after all.
2007-11-19 11:14:18 · answer #1 · answered by intuition897 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-02 00:01:30 · answer #2 · answered by parson 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yup. you can remove sex as a issue when all babys are born in a lab. Until then ...No.
There is not one type of relationship that has no disadvantages. I noticed that the Japanees have a new doll on the market , very life-like. It is automated, has everything and can do it all, except housework, and some women can't be bribed to do that either. So far it doesn't talk back, thank God. But at 5 grand there won't be that many relationships developing that way yet.
2007-11-19 01:10:04 · answer #3 · answered by reinformer 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Did the swing thing with first husband...was a major contributing factor for our divorce....I seriously doubt that it will ever be possible to remove sex as a divorce causing factor in a relationship....In my case...it wasn't the sex only between us that became an issue...sex became an issue between us and others....
2007-11-19 00:55:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
My opinion of other people is based on my belief that everyone is potentially different with different ways of thinking, different emotional behaviors, and different ways of acting based on the things they desire and fear.
I believe there are emotional, behavioral, and psychological "norms" inherent in people which is why their are large numbers of people who believe one thing (ie. marraige MUST be monogomous) while there are also large numbers of people who believe the other thing (ie. marraige need NOT be monogomous). And of course there are deviations from each norm where people may not commit to any one side of an idea or belief, but may doubt or accept both to some degree.
I don't think it would be possible to removed sex as a cause for divorce because I think that by and large human beings are largely monogomous creatures. There are many creatures on this planet who mate for life, and I believe that we are one of them.
That is not to say that open relationships may not work for some, but I think it would take some serious emotional and psychological convincing for someone to firmly make themself believe in their heart and mind that there is no risk to their relationship or their emotional well-being envolved.
To each his own, but as for myself, I know it would never ever work. I would never in a million years be able to share my wife and I can firmly say that it would be very, very dangerous for any man to ever consider touching my wife -and I can't imagine how any man could ever convince himself its okay for another man to touch his wife.
2007-11-19 01:46:28 · answer #5 · answered by blujello 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A man who truly loves a woman doesn't want to share her with anyone. And a woman who loves her man doesn't want anyone else to touch her. This couple you know may be very compatible in their lifestye. Doesn't mean they love each other at all. Two drug addicts can get along very nicely together. Two drunks can spend a lifetime together. Doesn't mean it's a healthy, relationship, or that they love each other at all. They've just found someone who is as sick as they are. When one of them kicks the habit, their capatibility fades and the relationship falls apart. When one of your swingers stops swinging, you'll see how much in love they really are!
2007-11-19 01:27:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Married couples have their right to do as they please,and should not be judged for doing so.I have friends who swing too,but we don't and i respect their marriage and do not judge them for what they do.Only our father[god]can do the judging.Yes some people bash this and say it is some form of cheating on the marriage,but if both parties are willing and agree then what would be the problem.It is when one just wants to please his or her other half and isn't really into it and they thought they could deal but couldn't.then the problems begin.I know a couple who are married and the husband is aloud other girlfriends and the wife is allowed other boyfriends,and they don't swing together,but have relationships outside of marriage.
2007-11-19 01:14:37 · answer #7 · answered by lollypop 4 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Let me preface with I don't judge people for their particular life choices. That being said, I, personally, do not think that it is possible to remove sex as a factor. I could not imagine sharing my wife with anyone. Not that it would be a jealousy issue so much as I think that monogamous sex is something that we vowed to each other and should find special.
2007-11-19 01:03:34 · answer #8 · answered by MrOrph 6 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Depends on the couple. Most marriages can't survive this type of life style. Some are so unique that they can.
2007-11-19 01:19:19 · answer #9 · answered by kitkat 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Obviously there are people who can handle that lifestyle. I can't and I bet you can't either.
2007-11-19 01:20:02 · answer #10 · answered by misselie1 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋