her b/f of 4 years went off to FL from PA a couple of months ago to "comfort" a female friend of his who was getting divorced. he was gone for 2 months. meanwhile, i got to be aquainted with his g/f. i didn't previously know either of them. his g/f and i had a passionate one night stand. now he's back and they live together. but she's always complaining to me about how unhappy she is. she says that he'll never marry her (it's been 4 years) and he doesn't like/want kids. they have little in common or chemistry. she's on the pill & he uses condoms. i sent her romantic poetry to her email and roses at work, and she comes over a lot (w/o him knowing). and now she says she has to make a choice. she confessed that she may be pregnant w/ me, but the test showed false alarm. she no longer has sex w/ him and took off this whole week end to "think things over". her b/f knows she's cheating but doesn't know it's me. her desicion will be made today, but she told her b/f she won't be back till tues
2007-11-19
00:39:07
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11 answers
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asked by
Anonymous
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
also, she took the roses and the note home to their house and he saw them. what is the chance that she's just making him jealous? also, could the whole preganacy thing just be to gage my reaction to see how much i cared about her?
2007-11-19
00:40:45 ·
update #1
I'd say, hope for the best but expect the worst. The thing you've got to realize is that right now she's getting the best of both worlds. Even if her relationship with her boyfriend isn't satisfying her need for sex and romance, it's still fulfilling some purpose in her life. She gets something out of it. At the same time, she's getting all the romance she needs from you, she's being emotionally fulfilled by you.
So, to change anything at this point, is a lose/lose situation for her. Doubtless she doesn't like being caught in the middle, but at the same time, any change she might make will only be a loss for her. This might make her drag her feet as far as making a choice. Kind of the "have her cake and eat it too" phenomenon.
At the same time, this is an unsustainable situation for her and it won't last forever. Eventually one or both of you will be out of the picture. Especially if the guy knows she's cheating...no guy will stay around for that forever.
You've basically got to decide what she's worth to you and how much you are willing to tolerate in order for a chance. I guess my suggestion is to let her know clearly how much you love her and are devoted to being with her, that you would offer everything this other guy has given her and then some. Make sure she knows she can trust you to be there for her so that it isn't an entire loss if she leaves him.
But then after that, you've probably got to put some space here. I think once she realizes that to make no decision IS a decision - a decision to lose you - that might encourage her to step up her efforts to do something.
Set a timeline. Make it long. Tell her that you can't wait forever, that if, say, three months have gone by and she's still with him, you are going to have to move on. Stick by it.
2007-11-19 01:09:05
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answer #1
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answered by Janelle 4
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Realize none of the people involved are married. Yes she is living with a man, but he stated he did not want children. You mentioned he wore a condom, and she took the pill, then all of a sudden she thoght she was pregnant? There are many scenarios going on at one time.
First, her boyfriend seems to be a very dominant guy. I do not know of any stable woman who would tolerated haing her boyfriend council a former girlfriend. That would be the last straw for many, and he would be dismissed from the relationship.
Second, the two of you become intimate, which is fine. All of a sudden she thought she was carrying your child? I would air to caution you about this. To make things within this triangle even more interesting is that she brought home the roses to make a statement to her current lover. She is putting him on notice that there is someone else in the wings waiting. Does it feel good knowing you are "on deck," waiting for your chance to bat?
Finally, I do support your efforts in trying to win her heart. I am not down grading you. Too many people who are single, get involved in a relationship, and stay in it as if they were married. Being single means being able to engage or terminate a relationship. If this is what you both desire, proceed, but always leave the back door open for escape in case there is something wrong with this woman. After all she did say she was on the pill, and her current lover wears condoms. This is a point to ponder, especially when she thought she was carrying you child.
2007-11-19 01:12:30
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answer #2
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answered by Leonard S 2
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If you have the same goals as her, like having kids and getting married, then the decision shouldn't be that hard for her to make. But you will have to let her know truthfully that you want to get married and have kids, this will make it easier for her decision if she thinks he'll never marry her. But she might be afraid to lose the 4 years that she had with him and start a new relationship with you and spend another 4 years of her life waiting and wondering. So it's kind of up to you to reassure her that you have intentions of marriage and a family. It kind of sounds like they were on the edge of breaking up anyway, by the way her boyfriend is visiting and comforting a female divorcee and then her having an affair with you. She was probably hoping that she was pregnant with you, so it would be easier for her decision. Just keep reassuring her if this is what you want and she will leave him!!!
2007-11-19 00:56:32
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answer #3
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answered by 24Special 5
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in the previous you're taking him decrease back set up an appointment for marriage counseling. locate out what has made him come to a decision why he loves you at the instant after being aside for 6 months. What transpired via this era of time that made him comprehend how significant you're in his life now! What precautions and measurements will he take to artwork on the courting? countless communique is mandatory and a proffesional in touch that is purpose with all your themes. Your emotions are at stake here and you desire to ascertain that he's coming decrease back for each and all of the main appropriate motives. on an analogous time as the two certainly one of you get help commence courting lower back and spot the form you the two sense approximately one yet another. do not enable him decrease back untill you're advantageous issues are put in the main appropriate place and understood. Take it gradual and don't be compelled right into a decision you're uncertain of. maximum suitable of success to the the two certainly one of you.
2016-10-01 23:59:34
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answer #4
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answered by ? 4
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Too many issues there! And saying she does leave the b/f, what makes you sooooo special she won't play the same game with you? I don't think that is something you really want to knowingly put yourself through and given all of the circumstances here you reallly need to think it through, don't think the possibility doesn't exist.
2007-11-19 00:49:54
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answer #5
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answered by reneej 3
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You are mixed up with some kind of nut. Get away from her before she makes your life a miserable mess.
2007-11-19 01:10:34
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answer #6
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answered by kitkat 7
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tell her to make a choice . if she still needs time to think, then move on, dont answer her calls, tell her to go on with her life. why should you have to sit around and wait for a answer, or put your life on hold. shes cheating on both of you. this will continue as long as you let it. stand up for yourself, tell her to move on.
2007-11-19 00:55:58
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answer #7
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answered by jstagirl1969 3
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She's having sex with both of you - don't believe a word she says that this isn't true. She is having her cake and eating it and both of you are stupid enough to let her get away with it. If she does this to her current bf she will do it to you - and I hope she does if you are stupid enough to go with her.
2007-11-19 00:47:27
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answer #8
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answered by Paul M 5
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Bang her and dump her. She has too many issues man.
2007-11-19 01:23:43
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answer #9
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answered by Anonymous
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What do you get if you marry a cheater?
2007-11-19 00:59:43
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answer #10
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answered by comeundone4162 3
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