What makes it so different? or What makes you love them so much?
2007-11-19 00:33:07 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes. I have a step son that is 13 now. I met him when he was 3. I love him just as much as the kids we have together. He is a part of my husband, he is a good kid, I see a lot of my kids in him as well. They have a lot of the same mannerisms. Sometimes blending a family isn't always easy. Even though I love him, he has just recently started to accept me (I would say in the last 1 1/2 - 2 years). His mother hates me, so for a very long time, he really didn't want to o much to do with me. That made me sad, but I understood. As he has gotten older, and has started to see that some of the things his mother told him aren't true, and , I think, the fact that I am still around 10 years later, has let him know that I really am here to stay, and that I am here for him as well. He has started to open up about his feeling and I'm glad for that. Not only for me, but for him as well. I think all kids should feel loved and accepted by all their parents, step or biological.
2007-11-19 00:42:37 · answer #1 · answered by ♦justme♦ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have been in two relationships where both woman have accepted and loved my children. However, a lot of that depends on the X in the picture. If there is any conflict or hatred among the divorced, then eventually it will affect the children. My X and I decided long ago to keep the kids out of it, so it has made life easier.
I have met a woman with 3 kids, one of which is a teenager who has always gotten her way, works her mother with guilt. Now that I am on the scene, I have introduced tough love. I thank god that I did this to my own children when they where younger so that now that they are teenagers, I have a easier time, note that easier. They are teenagers, so trouble comes with that alone.
I care very much for her children, and yes I have found some very fond moments with each of them. We include all the children in our plans and outings. We have scheduled both set of kids to with us, and the other parent on the same weekend. It gives us a weekend off.
Getting along with the bio parents is a major factor in the success of a blended family.
2007-11-19 00:50:08 · answer #2 · answered by Stephen 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think it will be extremely difficult to forge that same bond with someone that didn't actually come from you. The younger the child when adopted, the easier it will be for sure, but I don't think it will ever be the same thing.
But don't blame yourself for this. It's natural. You can love the child, but its not your fault if you don't love at the same level as your own flesh and blood.
The key is to pretend you do anyways. Whether or not biology allows the same kind of bond that could happen with a natural mother, that child still needs the same unconditional love as any child, and deserves it too. It's perfectly ok to fake it until you make it! In fact I think that's what most stepparents do.
2007-11-19 01:02:45 · answer #3 · answered by Janelle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes! My wife and I have two boys the same age. The hard part isn't loving the step child as your own, the hard part is stopping the favoritism of your own child. To do this you need to focus on the relationship with your spouse and they on the relationship with you. Make decisions together especially about the children. the kids will see a happy loving couple and respond to that and both you and your spouse will ever see a child fathered or mothered by some one else you will see you have great kids!! The favoritism is not just hurtful to another child it hurts your spouse and it hurts your own child.
2007-11-19 01:24:58 · answer #4 · answered by fishinbum 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, as a single parent, I would say that before remarriage became an option I would have to know for sure that the person I am dating loves my child as much as they love me. I can go the rest of my life being single if it means my child is happy, but I will not let my child be put into a relationship where they feel like the third wheel.
2007-11-19 00:38:27 · answer #5 · answered by brian.sands 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was engaged when both my fiance and myself found out he had a 2 yr old daughter. So together, we fell in love with this child and she was our world. Still is our world. And since then, my husband and I have had our own child. I think it's different but it's also very much the same. For our situation, we missed out on so much of my stepdaughter's life so a piece of us doesn't know what it was like with her through her infant years. So it's a different experience with our own child and experiencing his infant years but....the love is just the same!
My stepdaughter will always be my little girl! I never gave birth to her, she's not my biological daughter, but I love her just the same. I changed her diapers, she's thrown up on me, we've had lots of good times together and I treat her as if she were my own.
I think what makes me love her so much is her innocence in all this. She did nothing, didn't ask to have been brought into the world this way, and she's as happy and loving as a little girl can be. And I love her so much because of who she is, her own person, her own personality, she's a sweet, sweet little girl! I love watching her interact with her brother and how helpful she is with him. How much they love each other....
My family consists of myself, my husband, my stepdaughter and my son. That's our family! And boy oh boy do I love and cherish the time I spend with my family! Step or not!
**ADD**
Just to clarify that much more that we can love our stepkids just the same as a biological child....my stepdaughter just arrived to us for the holidays and MAN did I miss her! That sweet smile, her I love you's, the way she plays with her brother (my son) and how much she loves him, the smile on her face when she sees her Daddy....yeah, I love her to pieces! Someone posted about how the parent of that child, or the ex, how that factors in. I agree that it does make a difference on how they behave but only to an extent. Unfortunately, my hubby's ex has made it quite hellish for us but we somehow still get through. It's crappy and I don't like it but is that my stepdaughter's fault? Certainly not. I adore her, she's my little girl, always will be! And I wouldn't trade THAT for the world! :)
2007-11-19 00:48:25 · answer #6 · answered by Momto2inFL 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My husband has raised our daughter as his own and while human beings locate out he isn't the bilogical dad they call him a step-dad and it hurts his emotions. i've got faith in my coronary heart that certainly one of those guy i'm with is a demanding one to locate. i comprehend he treats my daughter as his own and has constantly enjoyed her and he's so mushy and candy to her. i've got faith which you will desire to communicate approximately you and your newborn and in case you meet somebody remarkable do not provide your self a good purchase of obstacles. do merely what feels ideal and constantly have faith your lady's instinct. i comprehend love is horrifying and that i comprehend you adore your newborn yet you sound such as you care approximately your youngster's wellbeing adequate to for the main section shop a undesirable guy away. reliable success have faith your self and according to probability even take excitement in being single for a on an analogous time as.
2016-10-01 23:59:23 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love him at all then why couldn't you grow to love him like he was your own? If you have a bad relationship then that would be a different matter.
2007-11-19 00:59:24 · answer #8 · answered by kitkat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No they can't. They can love the step-child but ultimately it will always be "My wife's son" rather than "My son".
2007-11-19 00:41:33 · answer #9 · answered by Paul M 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
IT'S ALL IN THE MIND OF THE BEHOLDER.
2007-11-19 00:41:09 · answer #10 · answered by reinformer 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋