My husband was a wonderful husband till the business failed, we had some family losses, and other downfalls in our lives. It was followed by a period of time that required us to be separated due to situations. I never stopped loving him and waiting for him to return. Now he's been back for five months, and I've done everything he's ask of me, but he just took great advantage of my willingness to do things for him out of my love for him. He moved in with his sister, telling me that he was done. I told him that he would never find a woman that would love and care for him as deeply as I do, and he replied "I'd like to see." When I married him I told him if it's not forever, don't marry me, but he insisted that he would be with me till the day he died...he's still among the living. I've stuck by him and supported him through the years, and I've never denied him anything. He tell me that since we did not marry in the catholic church that our marriage is disposable, is that right?
2007-11-19 00:00:38 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I too am Catholic and I married a woman who, at one time, was in the exact same situation as you.
My wife stuck through the last half of the 10 year marriage for the children, through "Don's" drinking, drug use (and abuse) and infidelity. It finally came down to Don needing to choose between his wife and 2 children or his girlfriend in Penn. He picked the girlfriend (it didn't last, by the way). There is no way I can fully share or explain the pain that Don put my wife through. While there was no physical pain, there was plenty of mental and emotional pain.
The divorce was simple. The child support and custody arrangements are tough at times. The anullment took about 1 1/2 years to work through. The church ruled that Don didn't enter into the sacrament of marriage with the full intention of being a husband and father. It required long statements from several people who knew both my wife and Don prior and during the relationship. The ruling was founded on these statements. To me, he is to this day still a child; thinking only of himself and how best to serve his own wants and needs.
I love my wife very much and consider our two children to be mine as much as they are my wife's and Don's.
I recommend that you both seek marriage counseling, and yes, you can go alone if your husband refuses to attend. Always speak to your priest. While they are not married, Catholic priests have years of training and are excellent advisors. They are able to see the situation from both a spiritual and emotional point of view. They will also be able to answer your questions about anullment.
If you don't have a Catholic church you attend regularly, find one that you like and speak to the priest there.
Lastly, Tauri, above, may be wrong. You don't tell us whether or not you got permission from the Bishop to be wed outside the Catholic Church. See the link below for more details.
I hope you find peace.
2007-11-19 00:41:04 · answer #1 · answered by mnachazel 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sweetie,
If you are a true practicing Catholic, then you should talk to your priest. If you were not married in a Catholic church, then the church does not recognize your marriage at all. That does NOT however make it disposable.
I applaud your effort to keep the marriage together. But, honestly, if he's not there for you, is it worth it? If he doesn't want to continue the marriage, what use is there? I know you love him and expected him to be there forever, but we can never control another person and if he's decided to leave, he will. If he's decided to try to find another woman, then you have to admit that it's not in your best interest to try to hold him. You will only end up getting hurt when he ultimately leaves you for someone else.
I'm not saying to throw in the towel just yet, but consider all the options and all the possible outcomes.
Something I've found out recently through personal experience is that after years of being married, we are no longer the same person that walked down that aisle so long ago. I was not the same person my husband married, nor was he the same person after 21 years. As we changed along the way, we forgot to get to know each other over again. We grew so far apart that we realized we were almost total strangers and had no desire to really get to know each other again. We are in the midst of a very amicable divorce.
I'm not the 20 year old girl he promised himself to - and that's okay. I don't want now what I wanted then.
You've changed too - embrace that change and see this as an opportunity to get to know yourself better!
Good Luck Sweetie, I hope all works out well for you.
2007-11-19 00:16:11 · answer #2 · answered by Tauri Athena 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
God has nothing to do with marriage so let's get that out the way straight away , in the time jesus of nazareth was on this earth marriage was done by exchanging goats , cow's , wheat , grain , bead's and no vow's out of a man written book was available during the swapping ceremony.According to history jesus's follower's were no different to the cult's of today , a leader preaching a new way of life and lost soul's wanting , believing , needing that guidance to get them out of sad lives , it didnt work then and it doesnt work now , only difference was there was no FBI or CIA to investigate his game.
You BOTH need to push the church out of your marriage and concentrate on the relationship in hand you have NO hope of saving your marriage as long as there is a 3rd party involved (invisible friend's are fine in childhood not in adulthood). If I were you I'd let him go.
2007-11-19 00:42:33 · answer #3 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No relationship is disposable and if a down flip on the life and so marred his spirit, it is really sad. Anyways, don't be a doormat any more. If he continues this, he does not deserve all that you are doing for him. Do not divorce him but try to carve a life for yourself. Perhaps, once he comes out of shock, he will realize how he has abused your generous spirit. Talk to a family member or friend who can intervene. Otherwise, give him a few months alone. A family counselor may help you more.
2007-11-19 00:19:09 · answer #4 · answered by Smriti 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is not using you, he simply doesn't love you any more. However hard you would ever try to fix it he will only push you away further - love can only ever really exist where it is returned. In this case it is not being returned so there is no Real love; there is only your own lack of self confidence and self belief that is making you unnecessarily dependant on someone - and this someone doesn't want you to be dependant on him any more.
Regardless of religion, just accept your marriage is over and get a divorce.
2007-11-19 00:36:08 · answer #5 · answered by Paul M 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
well, if you want to stay with him because of your religious beliefs, then all you can do is give him more time, and try talking with him. it certainly sounds like you have done your part by being as understanding, and as flexible as you can. marriage always has its rocky parts.
tell him how important he is to you, and explain how you feel. try marriage counseling if you can.
personally, if things don't get better, you might consider parting ways. i'm no religious believer though, so it's easier for me to say. it just depends how strongly your faith is. personally i don't think it's worth being miserable forever.
whatever your decision, i wish you luck, and hope it all works out for you.
2007-11-19 00:10:06 · answer #6 · answered by Jesus Quintana 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Being catholic has nothing to do with it. You are legally married to this man, and if he no longer wants to be with you, he has to legally divorce you. It's quite possible that he can find another woman who will love him from the depth of her heart; so stop thinking otherwise. It doesn't sound like he wants to stay married to you. Better plan your future without him.
2007-11-19 00:35:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you were not married in the catholic church, the church does not recognize the marriage, so your off the hook, if you wish to marry again you still could in the catholic church as long as the new spouse is catholic. If you are going to remain a devout catholic i would suggest that you marry another catholic. If your not a devout catholic and dont support all the churces ways denounce it and go on your way and you will and be as happy as you can be.
2007-11-19 02:05:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
life plays a spunk on all of us
you cant tie him to you... if he wants to quit allow him as painful as it might be
be optimistic he's not the only man in the world you will find someone who's gonna love you for all its worth
believe me i've been there too
2007-11-19 00:15:04 · answer #9 · answered by vibe 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am on the otherside. No matter what you do for him he will still not love you. I am sure he may also be seeking to blame someone for the difficulties.
You cannot win anyone like that. Also tell him that all those pretty girls he sees in the street and on the internet dont all fancy him.
2007-11-19 00:11:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋