How do you pretend you are not in love with someone you cannot avoid???. WARNING: very sensitive topic?

Question

I have known my brother in law (husband’s bro) for ages. There has always been a cozy, cuddlyfeeling between us; recently for reasons it would be too long to explain, I have fallen in love with him and, I believe, him with me (al-though we have never discussed with, so let’s assume it is just a one-sided thing).
I have tried to hide my feelings for ages now; I know I am not very good at it but I try my best whenever we are together (with our spouses and rest of family).
Now I learn we will spend Xmas together with the rest of the family; spending 2/3 days with BIL sleeping in the next room (alone, because things with his wife are not good) and me sleeping with my husband.
I don’t think I can do this and I am freaking out already.
I know it will be disaster . The pain of knowing he is in the next room at night, wanting each other and having to bottle it all up for whole 3 days …
have thought of telling my husband to go alone, but spending xmas alone and without my kids ???

Answer 1

BAD NEWS
IT WOULD NEVER WORK, WOULD HE DO THAT TO HIS BRO? COULD YOU DO THAT TO YOUR HUSBAND?
IGNORE IT, TRY TO NOT SEE HIM AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE

Answer 2

GC,

I understand your feelings for your brother in law and applaud you for knowing that you can't act on them.

My suggestion to you is to stop and think what it is that is attracting you to BIL. Maybe you see the qualities in him that first attracted you to your husband. As time goes by, things with our spouses become boring and mundane. Perhaps BIL appears exciting to you because he is like his brother in the ways that first attracted you, but he also posesses the qualities of a forbidden love - an excitement, a challenge, a naughtieness that could spice up your life.

Go to Christmas with the family, enjoy your children and try to enjoy being with your husband, try to remember what it was you loved about him. Be cordial but distant from BIL. Don't think about him in the next bedroom, it will only drive you crazy thinking about what could be. If you and BIL were to get together, you would devistate the family in an enormous way.

The fact that you even asked the question shows that you are an intelligent woman. You are beautiful, special, talented and very caring. Remind your husband of these things and give him the chance to excite you as much as BIL does.

Good Luck and Have a Merry Christmas!

Answer 3

Well, it is hard to keep feeling bottled up inside when you like/love someone. Sometimes you have to let them out. But in your situation, I would not let them out.

I know you have thought on this for a long time.
You are married and his is married and he is your husbands brother (of all people). Ask yourself this if you haven't already, where did these feelings come from, how did they really come about, is it lust or something sexual or do I really want to be with him?

The question I want to ask you is if you and your husband are having problems? Like is something going on in the marriage? Have you reached your point with him and you're just with him for the kids? What is it sweetie? If you are unhappy don't stay in this realtionship, unless you really want to work on whats making you feel how you feel. Regardless if your kids are young, they will be ok and you will help them through whatever happens.

I think that you should have a heart to heart and tell your hubby how you feel about your relationship with him. I wish I knew more, to give more info. But talk to him. Thats the number one thing you need to do. Even if you can't hold the conversation, write him a letter and tell him everything and if he asks why you wrote the letter and didn't talk to him, tell him that you couldn't bare to talk to him. Thats what I do sometimes with my boyfriend.

I hope everything works out for you and you know the best thing for you to do. And you'll make the right decision for you. Take care and I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 4

We all have temptations, even when we are married. The mature thing is to avoid them because we love our family. How would you feel if your husband had the same feelings for your sister? Grow up and take your responsibilites like an adult, not a child. You should be thinking of your children and the man you took vows with, your husband.

Answer 5

I feel sorry for you, really. but this is serious. hes family. could you imagine the heartbreak this could cause?I dont have any opinions or solutions for you. Only that maybe you did get the "wrong brother". I'm thinking maybe youre just infactuated with that proverbial forbidden fruit thing. Youre married, kids, the hum-drum of everyday life can make the other side of the fence look pretty exciting. Guess i did have an opionion, huh? Good luck to ya, and dont miss Christmas with your family.

Answer 6

Leave your husband and get away from his brother. Dont split up the whole family.. your kids will suffer.. they will suffer less if they never learn about your feelings for their uncle. Just because you are not in love with your husband doesn't mean u can jump into bed with his bro. I think u should just get the hell away from this situation before you break up the whole family. Sorry :-(

Answer 7

in the first place,why did you marry your husband when you have no love for him?it is so unfair for your husband and your kids.remember why did you marry your husband in the first place.take note of the kids you and your husband they need you.ok,now you are freaking out right?but it is the next thing you have to do,talk to your husband, he might help you learn to eliminate your feelings for your brother in law. i pray you may end this situation without a disaster and you still with your husband and your kids and not the brother in law.i tell you stay with your husband DO NOT GO WITH THE BROTHER IN LAW you still love your husband and he still loves you and do not forget your kids they want dad and not brother in law and would you think you will be able to live with brother in law while your kids and husband away,far away and probably forever?remember the love you still have for your husband the commitment you made should be forever and you must be able to stand all these problems in life.

Answer 8

If you are having feelings about ANYONE else, there is a problem in your relationship with your partner. Your BIL is convenient as he is around. See what you can do to improve things with your husband. Look at what you need with him to make things better for the both of you.

Answer 9

Love is a big word. Its not a crush or any type of feelings. What you are saying is something you are trying to convince yourself with and it is not necessarily true. However, you have to go and try to avoid being with him alone and avoid thinking of what he is doing now in his room. He might be in deep sleep and snoring while you are thinking that he wants to be with you. Get real and don't think it over.

Answer 10

nasty situation your in...

perhaps you need to convince yourself that it is indeed one sided and that he does not desire you? that may help take the tempation out of the equation.

I'd suggest you find/remember why you love your husband and focus on fixing your relationship. Spending 3 days near temptation is not your biggest worry mate. your marriage is the problem and it needs all your energy and focus.

if you can't go to christmas, tell your husband WHY you can't go.
He deserves to know the truth. and you need to face the facts of life.

sorry to be harsh.. but i think you need to do something immediately.

Answer 11

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