On an emotional stand point, the decision to divorce my ex-husband to me, was the right thing to do. I wasn't in-love with him any more, he abused our relationship by using drugs, wasting money, he didn't take care of the home, he left us in debt, he courted other women, he would go against me, manipulate and he rode on the coat tails of his parents and I.
I stopped going to college when we got pregnant with our first daughter, I sold the condo I owned before we got married in Miami Beach after we bought our house to avoid paying two taxes and worked hard to invest in our future.
Now that I am alone, with 2 young daughters, working full time, paying a ridiculously high rent ( I live in Ft.Lauderdale) Doing everything, taking out the garbage, going to the It seems that I should have just bit my tongue and deal with it.
Now I wake up in the morning scared of what the future will bring, scared that I won't make enough money to support me and the girls, scared I'll be alone.
2007-11-18 21:06:51 · 22 answers · asked by thinking outside the box 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
From everything that you have described, your marriage was toxic - not only for you and your husband; but also for your two precious daughters.
There is life after divorce. Even if you must relocate into a lower rental unit, do it. Please, do not allow yourself to second guess your actions that you have already taken.
Right now, you are in the frightened stage of post divorce. There are wonderful support groups for women with children who are struggling to survive emotionally after a divorce. Check them out in your area.
You will make it. Trust me. Many of us have and we have also gone on to find hard working, decent and loving men who respect and love us for who we are - not what they want us to be.
Take time to get to know yourself. I know that you will find an awesome Lady just waiting to get out and embrace the world.
Good Luck and please, don't give up!
2007-11-18 21:17:02 · answer #1 · answered by Resident Insomniac 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's normal to feel uncertain and scared about your future after a divorce. I know I felt the same way, and questioned my decision to divorce my husband even though I knew it was the right choice (he had a gambling and drinking problem). I think having children makes the fear and uncertainty worse because you want them to feel safe and secure too. You definitely made the right decision to divorce your husband. His behavior was destructive to you, him, and your kids. If he wasn't willing to change, you needed to leave.
It will take some time, but it will get better. You sound like a mature, responsible adult who knows how to work hard and do what needs to be done to be successful. Therefore, you won't be feeling scared and unsure for long, things will improve...and you most definitely won't be alone forever! Take time to heal after your divorce, and learn from the experience, and then start meeting new people...you'll find someone else.
The first few months after my divorce were tough. I felt alone, scared, and hurt. I was full of resentment, pain, bitterness, fear, and disbelief. Slowly those feelings went away, and happiness returned. The finances got better. I met a wonderful man whom I am VERY happy with. The same things will happen for you too!
Good luck!
2007-11-18 21:56:06 · answer #2 · answered by Nonny0928 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like he totally disrespected you in every way imaginable, betraying your trust, your confidence and used you to the max. You are way too god for that deadbeat, he doesn't deserve you, and your don't need any more problems than you have now.
If you have the room, take in a boarder (someone family friendly and not someone people will assume is your new boyfriend) to help with the rent. If the kids are old enough, get them to help with the chores. Better yet move to a home that you can afford. Move back in with the parents maybe. All it takes is a little organisation and sorting out your priorities. Ok so your home may not be as pristine as you might like it. But the kids are fed, bathed and in bed on time and the house is liveable, and you will have some sanity.
Start talking to your own family, ask for help now and then. You don't have to give up your independence , but I;m sure family and friends will love to help out given the opportunity.
2007-11-18 21:19:31 · answer #3 · answered by cc_of_0z 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, sounds to me like you are progressing normally. The fear is very normal and actually good for you. If you have or had an attorney worth anything you should be getting child support.... if not GET IT! There are a great number of resources for women in your (our situation) and, although not easy to obtain, they are obtainable. First thing to do is call DHS and see what they can do to help you. If he isn't working, a judge can make him work. As time goes on, you will find a routine for yourself and girls that works best for you. Remember, when you think of it... do it, that way things do not pile up on you and you get overwhelmed.
And yes, if you were not in love, not happy and living with a druggie.... you most certainly did the right thing. If not for yourself at least you did for the kids.
You can also go to your local church and they have help they can offer to you as well.
2007-11-18 21:29:19 · answer #4 · answered by FrozenRein 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i really feel for u becos is not easy to take care of children alone, infact u are strong woman and i comment ur effort.
but have u thought about it very well before devorcing ur husband, did u seek advice from family and friends, did u seat ur husband down to talk and find out what went wrong, did u let him know that u don't like what he's doing, have u thought about it very well, becos u can not just wake up onday and say i don't love him anymore and the next step to take is not divorce him by doing that u are giving another woman chance to gain entrace into ur home, secondly u are not considering the life of the children u have for him, i know that u love him very much that was why u decided to have children for him. my advuce for u now is (i.e) if u haven't serve him the divorce letter is to call him to other, let him know that u really loves and chrish ur marriage, tell him what and what u don't like in the relationship, both of u should think about the life of the children u have, call friends who u think is responsible and will beable to help in calling him to other, talk to ur pastor about it and above all u should pray for him too, am sure if u do this things will change.
2007-11-18 21:32:06 · answer #5 · answered by Hazee4uall 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when i look at what your other choice was i say you made the right choice to divorce.
do you want your children growing up with someone like that in their lives on a permanent basis? poisoning their lives and their minds....
it's a hard road to take but its a good one and you will be fine. maybe you need to try and find somewhere cheaper to live or make some changes in other places to ease the pressure a little................being alone is not all bad:)
2007-11-18 21:13:54 · answer #6 · answered by sandiemay01 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh thats rubbish. I don't mean to demean your feelings but it sounds like what you need is a kick up the bum - sort yourself out, work on your self confidence and self esteem and find out who you really are, and learn to be comfortable with that.
Learn your lessons from past mistakes, if you learn from the past you will never regret the past.
It is only when you learn to be comfortable and happy with who you REALLY are do you have a hope of finding someone who will make you happy and find harmony.
While you mope around feeling sorry for yourself you will never find someone nice - and someone ncie will never find you. When it rains do you walk with your head down or do you look up at the sky and smile and feel the drops?!
Oh and a couple of practicalities - Why not live somewhere cheaper? Whats the big deal with taking out the garbage? Your life is changing - it's not what happens to you in your life that counts, it's what you do with what happens in your life tat counts.
2007-11-18 22:06:59 · answer #7 · answered by Paul M 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hun, I believe what you did was correct and the right thing to do. I think that your ex was an assssshole and he deserved to be divorced. But, you should stop thinking about him and should start moving over. Put ur ex husband behind you and move forward and never look back.
2007-11-18 21:33:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok 1st of all it's natural 2 be scared ...who wouldn't ...but I think u definitely made the right choice.....I mean he's using +there's another woman +u r in dept because of him...
NO I don't think u should've bitten ur tongue & put up with this ....& if u didn't divorce him.. believe me he would have done it after he's done using u........
& if you're working full time & paying ridiculous rent ..it's all his fault so I suggest u sew him for child support ...now I know some ppl will say u don't need anything from him but the ******
hurt u ....so let him pay........& let him pay in cash
2007-11-18 21:30:58 · answer #9 · answered by zeido zeido 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-05-19 02:52:12 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋