I'm worried sick about my Mum, how do i help her?

Question

They are having problems with my Dad and she shared them with me, so i know what she is going through. She had signs of stroke a while ago and i'm worried the stress she has now might bring it back again and even make it worse.

How do i help her to get thorugh this?

To summarise the problem, it has to do with Infidelity and lack of communication from my Dad. Even when caught he still denies and also he doesnt share some of the bank balances and accounts information with Mum. Its hurting her, and i'm hurting as well.

They have been married for 33years, they started from scratch together and now they have they ever dreamed of and more, the problem is with what Dad is doing now.

Answer 1

You're already helping your mother by being there for her. It's quite a burden on you (I'm not sure if you're an adult or not) that your mother felt a need to share your father's infidelity with you. Do you know if she has any friends or family -- she might feel uncomfortable reaching out to them now -- maybe you could help her to reconnect with them. She should also speak to a therapist (licensed psychologist). That kind of stress, especially in light of her medical vulnerability could bring on the worst. Speaking to a therapist will help her to sort out what is important to her -- might help her to summon up the courage to confront your dad in a more assertive way, or at the least help her decide what she wants to do if he does not change. As to the financial information, if they file joint tax returns, I assume that she has signed the returns in the past (if he signed her name for her, that's a whole other issue). She can go to the IRS and get copies of the tax returns -- or maybe she knows where they are filed in the house -- that will provide her with the bank account information -- the interest will give an idea as to the balances in the accounts. The best of, "all they ever dreamed of" is you -- they're both lucky to have you.

Answer 2

greetings; first off let me express my sorrow for the situation.what you have described is unfortunate, but not hopeless. your folks have fallen into a slump. basically a tired routine that has prompted one of them(your dad in this case) to seek out some excitement. infidelity is heartbreaking. in a normal scenerio infidelity would kill the relationship.but in this case your mom is willing to stand by her man and move forward. that says alot about your mom. sadly your caught in the middle. best thing for you to do is stay out of it. by all means lend your love and support but dont take sides. see to it that your doing all that you can do in being part of the solution and not part of the problem. theres no doubt, your father was wrong and should by all rights be kicked to the curb.but if your mom is willing to forgive and move on then so should you. what your parents need is a change. they have been together for so long they have forgotten how excite one an other.if you want to help get the ball rolling, heres what i would do...pick a night saturday for example..call and reserve a quiet table for two at there favorite resturaunt.once there out of the house, go and bye there favorite desert and prepare it. set a place for two at the dinning room table..candles soft music ect. and make yourself scarce. pre-arrange to stay at a friends for the night. leave a note on the table detailing your agenda and desert in the icebox, see you in the morning have a nice evening...Love daughter I would probably let mom in on your scheme. good luck

Answer 3

well, your Dad need to wake up. as far as your Mom, i'm sorry to hear about all this. best you can do is be there for her. talk to her. talking sometimes can be the best thing. i don't know what else to say. If it's bad, then she may have no choice but try to divorce depending on the situation if her health is at steak. only thing is the process of divorce will cost a lot of money. by the way, divorce should be the last resort. If it gets really bad, have you thought about having her stay with family, you and her?

Answer 4

Treat her to a nice day out, make her a nice meal, buy her flowers and generaly give her strong support whilst showing her how much you love her. Also if it is possible (without causing any additional stress to your mum) have a man to man chat with your father and explain your worries to him. He may be so wrapped up in his infidelity that he is unaware of how much hurt he is causing to both of you.

I'm no marriage guidance councillor but i hope this helps in some small way.

Answer 5

Talk to your dad and make him aware of your mom's health reaction to the way he's acting. I'm sure he won't want her to end up getting sick again, or to have to pay a high doctor's bill. If it affects his money situation, he may change a little.
You keep comforting your mom, this helps her a lot.

Answer 6

Talk to your dad, and tell him that you feel that he is responsible for your mother's poor health. Remind him that he took vows when he got married, "for good or bad, in sickness and in health, until death do you part." If that does not work, help your mother divorce him and take him for everything she can get. He is breaking his vows, so he deserves it. It has been 33years that she gave her life to him.

Answer 7

Although he may not want you to get involved or have this conversation with him, talk to your dad. Tell him what you just told us & see what he says. He may have problems communicating with your mother, but your his child & should want to communicate with you.
Good Luck.

Answer 8

call your dad if u got the gots and tell him whats happening. dont be afraid! hes your dad!