Are female abusers good at hiding their behaviour..?

Question

Or do gender stereotypes make it so difficult to recognise them?

Answer 1

I think that they may be good at hiding their behavior, mainly because most woman are good at manipulating a situation, especially female abusers.

But I think it is more likely that gender stereotypes disguise them as a probable suspect. Female abusers are more common than people would like to think - generally speaking society sees woman as the damsel in distress rather than the one causing distress.

Both situations play a part in not being able to recognize female abusers, in my opinion the second is the one that is more reaccurent.

Answer 2

Since females are viewed as the nurturing sex, it would be difficult to imagine a mother or a woman being an abuser. But it happens. There are different types of abusers and in women there are times when you can say a woman is an abuser by just looking at them. Other times, they hide it perfectly just like man does.

But to answer your question, yes. It is difficult to identify an abuser specially if that woman has a credibility and an image of being nurturing in nature (example: nuns, teachers). They are often stereotyped as somebody who wouldn't touch a fly, a person who loves kids or in other cases, live their life for them.

Answer 3

It's definitely a gender stereotype issue. Women who abuse boys or men are protected to a large degree by the stigma's associated with "manliness" or whatever. However, this is not the whole story, because this does not explain why women who abuse other women are also "swept under the rug", so to speak. Hmmm, this requires some thinking...

Answer 4

Some abusers are better at hiding it, regardless of gender. This is typical of abusers - on the outside, appear like a great person, when w/ their spouse, they show their true self.

With female abusers however, it goes unnoticed because spousal abuse is typically attributed to men, and women are the weak, opressed gender.

Answer 5

I'd say it's very much a mix of the two. Sexist stereotyping colors our interpretation of behavior, but - whether it's because of the need to appear to conform to those stereotypes or for some other reason - abusive women also tend to be very good at hiding.

Which is not to say that some abusive men aren't quite cunning.

Answer 6

Many abusers are good at hiding thei behaviour, it comes with the territory.

When I was a kid, there was a saying that people were 'street angels, home devils'. These were people who behaved well in public, but tormented their families and those closest to them.

Since that time, we've had revelations about the nature and extent of child sexual abuse and sexual violence in our culture and society that make it clear that a LOT of abuse is masked in one way or another.

Individually, it would be impossible to say what a specific abuser would do, but as a group, I do believe that female abusers would be able to hide their behaviour to the same extent as male abusers would.

Sadly, due to stigma, shame, fear and sometimes age (e.g., children), their victims are often complicit in this deception.

This is something we need to be aware of in dealing with people who in crisis, and those recovering from abuse, as well as abusers themselves.

Cheers :-)

Answer 7

I think an abuser is an abuser, gender is not imortant. An abuser will convince you that you are worthless, that s/he is the only one who will ever love you because you are so useless, s/he will control your every move, and if you leave the home and the abuser doesn't know where you've been, s/he will accuse you of cheating. S/he will try hard to isolate you from family and friends. Domestic abuse is not gender specific.

Answer 8

i think gender stereotypes make it hard to recognize them.

i have witnessed several women slapping their boyfriends and thinking it's somehow acceptable because they are perceived as the "weaker" sex. in my opinion, abuse is abuse. certainly, if one person in a relationship is physically stronger, they may be more dangerous, but the actual act of violence itself, even if it is commited by a 90-pound female, is ultimately disrespectful and unacceptable in basically any circumstance. a woman that hits a man is an abuser. society shouldn't cut them any slack.

Answer 9

I think gender stereotypes of women being virtually incapable of violence do a lot to mask the problem. It is almost as if some people are incapable of taking sound research evidence to the contrary on board. Ideological feminists have done a lot to promote this 'sugar and spice' stereotype of women, sometimes (ironically) with threats of violence http://sg.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071118161428AAec75t&r=w
Why aren't we more willing to take on board the evidence that women are capable of being abusive? I guess its just too difficult for some people.

Answer 10

I think successful abusers in general are good at hiding their behavior, althoiugh I would definitely argue that the perception that women are not capable of abusing men has a good deal to do with 1) the lack of social recognition of this fact and 2) the unwillingness of victims to report it. there is also the sexist sterotype that men who are abused are less "manly" or "weak" which is crap as well.