Help! My 16 year old daughter has gone off the rails.?

Question

My 16 year old daughter has been caught shop lifting, she drove my car. She has no licence and no experience with driving. She steals money from my purse and my husbands wallet. We don't know what to do with her, our 9 year old is seeing and hearing all of what she is doing and picking up on her bad habits. We have a 10 month old also and I don't want her to see and hear all of this as well. Can anyone tell me what I can do or where I can turn to for help? Thank you, Karen

Answer 1

she is just testing you guys to see how far she could go, i did the same type of things when i was younger...it all stopped when my mom out did me, every day for like 3 weeks she took me to school then came back at lunch and sat with me then picked me up from school, i had no phone privileges, my bedroom door stood open, i had no privacy plus i had to bring home weekly progress reports...she scared the crap out of me till i broke down...it was then that she sat down with me and explained how worried about me she was, she was scared for my future and that she loved me unconditionally. she made it her goal to know me, really know me, my mom is my best friend, and even though i "hated her" at the time, i love her for being so strong and saving me :) good luck with everything, i know it must be hard on the whole family...but don't be afraid to take control!

Answer 2

well there are several places you can turn to Karen.
1) if you are religious you can always ask the church for help, perhaps they have some sort of teen council type thingy where she can go and be around other teens and learn that what she's doing is wrong and she should stop

2) psychiatric help always does the trick. if she's acting out like this chances are there's something deeper going on that a 16 year old just doesnt feel like talking to her parents about and taking her to therapy may hlep with that

3) her high school counslor can always be a comfort to her. they can usually help when a student is in need of direction or help.

4) if you feel that her behavior is way too out of hand you may want to consider sending her to some sort of boot camp where they can teach her discipline and get her back on track

hope this helps out some

^_^

Answer 3

Do NOT try and 'save her' from the legal troubles she is getting into - make her pay the consequences for her actions. I'm guessing she's also cutting classes & screwing around with a group of friends instead. Alert her school that she is having these problems and you are to be called if she misses ONE CLASS and let her know this is what is going to happen. If she is caught skipping school, she will lose ALL possessions in her room other than her clothes and her bed. She will go to school, and she will come home - period. The door will be removed from her bedroom next if she continues to disrespect and/or steal from you or anyone else in the family. Taking away tv or cell phones is obvious, but the worst blow will be her bedroom door - guaranteed.

Answer 4

Take away all of her privileges, leaving her with only what she needs to eat, sleep, bathe and go to school. In the meanwhile, find a counselor. Insist on family meals, drug test her.

There is obviously something going on that did not begin the day she shoplifted. That is just when you noticed it. It started long before you started noticing changes. You have to be strong and PARENT. If she gets mad at your parenting, your on the right track.

In most cities there are counselors who go by sliding scale if you are limited with funds. You may have to have one of you stay home all the time or take turns being up at night to keep an eye on her. No computer either or she will be running away with strangers next. This is the time to sink or swim. If you aren't ready to get tough and get her and the family help, you might as well pack her bags and get her a no where job and a loser boyfriend to live with and a bottle of Jack, cause that's where she will be headed.

And she is stealing money for a reason. And it isn't for tootsie rolls and dr pepper. You need to cut her off from her so called friends until you know exactly what they are doing in their free time too. She isn't getting into trouble by herself, she is running with others who share her new values. Leader or follower, she doesn't need to hang out with friends, she needs to be reeled in and treated like the child she is. A child with serious issues lashing out.

Answer 5

That must be terrible for you. It's easy for others to offer quick solutions but this is something only you can handle. you know her better than anyone else. It is certain that she needs stern discipline but this needs to be done with love and patience when you're not extremely angry. She probably is not going to "rub off" on your other children if you handle this in a way that you other children can learn from her mistakes. So many people make the mistake of not talking about situations regarding older siblings with younger children because they believe they would not understand. They can understand a great deal and learn from it.
try sitting down with her and listening (really listening) to what she is going through and her reasons for doing what she does. Try to understand her behavior. Explain to her in a loving way why some of her actions are not acceptable and the consequences for them. Be consistent and persistent. Counseling is a great tool that would be very helpful to both of you.

Answer 6

reliable obstacles are a powerful concept. regardless of the shown fact that it rather is relatives to last the barn door after the horse is already out! your loved ones needs intense counseling. Does your daughter have any risk-free practices intercourse sensible. you're conscious which you have some duty for her ingesting and get dressed and behaviour. She continues to be residing at domicile and he or she needs to abide by utilising your regulations as she continues to be residing under your roof. Is she utilising a powerful form of delivery administration and protecting herself sexually as properly as you. Do you have a series a regulations so as and the consequence of not following them. greater useful get a relatives mutually and set regulations. Your regulations. You pay the expenses etc. you are the boss. Be a discern and set a powerful occasion and be in charge as a discern. You so a ways have inspired this habit as you're tolerating the appearing out. you're taking duty for her habit. delivery administration the place is it? From what you describe habit and get dressed, intercourse is a given. reliable success

Answer 7

I would send her to the juvenile hall to live for a while. She is on the wrong path and if you don't do something she might only get worse. It is time for tough love or you will have two children doing this soon. Shop lifting and stealing the car are illegal. Call the cops and let them take her to the juvenile detention center. Soon she will go to jail for doing this instead of calling her parents to come and get her. Do not let her off the hook and do not make excuses for her. Let her pay the consequences.

Answer 8

Wow, what James said is perfect.
And he's right.. it's sink or swim right now. Take away her privelages and let her know you're serious. If this isn't handled now you're going to have real problems down the road.

Good luck. Many adolescents have a bout with rebellion... it's your job to stop her in her tracks before it turns worse.

Answer 9

From all you have told us it sounds very much like she has got a drug problem. The stealing and shoplifting are direct signs of it and you need to have her tested ( making sure you tell her you are doing it not because you dont trust her but because you love her and are concerned about her future) asap. I would suggest contacting a Drug and alcohol abuse center for the urine testers and if she is positive then you need to take in consideration that there are a number of underlying reasons for her to have gone onto drugs. Peer pressure, emotional turmoil , low self esteem or ( and this is the most common cause) she is trying to get your attention as right now with your attention been focused on the little ones she is feeling rejected, unloved and unappreciated. If you have scolded her and dumped on her for these things you have undoubtably caused more damage in regards to her feeling even more rejected and misunderstood. You need to test her and no matter what the outcome you really need to sit down and a have a long and loving talk with her explaining first how much you love and appreciate her and that right now , with the little ones being so demanding you are really battling to try to find time to spend with her. There are many more things you need to say to her and i trust you will know what they are but you can also try to set down one day of the week for her where you can spend the day out shopping or just hanging out together. This way she can open up to you and hopefully you can find the root and cause of the problem and she will feel wanted and supported again. Beyond this i would suggest counselling with you in attendance when required most schools have these but if yours dont childline or social services can refer you. Your daughter is going through her teens wich is an emotional battle for all kids this age and she needs you your support and love more than ever now. Handle her with a loving and understanding attitude and no matter how frustrated or angry you are handle things in a calm and mature way making sure , once again, that she knows how much she is loved and appreciated. Let her know to that she can come to you for anything and that you wont fly off the handle and hit the roof as it is this that makes kids supress their problems and insecurities and find other ways ( like drugs) to release their frustrations. I am sure you are a wonderful mom and love your daughter very much ( otherwise you would not have taken the time to try finding a solution) however it is so easy to get caught up in the demands of the little ones that you begin to push ( unknowingly) the older ones away. I do not have all the answers but as i work in a care centre and deal with many kids that have resorted to drugs i do know that rejection or the feeling of being misunderstood is one of the main reasons in many cases. Good luck and feel free to email me if you need to chat.

Answer 10

Boot Camp