Right now I just hate myself and want to die...?

Question

I can't stand this anymore. I hate everyone! I hate them! I hear scream coming out of my house in the streets, and I want to scream at them to SHUT UP! but they probably shot me since they always carry guns! I hate everyone why do I always have to make the wrong mistake. What should I do, I don't want to go to school tomorrow. My therapist is leaving so I might get a new one. We are having our last meeting this tuesday. She has not seen this side of me even though I have been working with her for a year and a half. I have told her I have thought about commiting suicide but I told her that was the past and that I don't think like that no more. NOT I still do and right now more then ever. I feel like crying but I can't I don't have emotions no more. Should I go scream at the gang members outside? They might probably kill me right now and they are just going to do me a favor rather than cause me any harm. but the thing I am scared that they might go after my family. Gosh I hate livinghere

I live in south central! I hate it, I am feeling bad because I just hate myself. I feel that everything I do is bad and that everyone just hates me. Is like I am everyone elses slave. I just hate it! I always have to make someone else happy rather than me

Thank you all!

and thank you "alvaro" I love the music

I have been depress all my life, is just that when I was little I didn't what was happening with me. Is just that I never did have good friends. I guess I depend on people to much and that is what is killing me. I know I need help but I don't know how to approch it.

Answer 1

Screams coming from the next door neighbors? A lot of Americans watch people screaming at one another, fighting and killing one another as entertainment! Just think, what they take pleasure in you have in your backyard! And you hate it; that is commendable and understandable. You say you have been depressed since childhood. So it is probably pretty difficult to remember any thing positive from that period of your life.

If you have a TV and time to watch it find something on it for a start that is positive and entertaining in a positive way; this is to get you some positive feed in to show that the whole world is not like your neighbors. It is something positive to work toward.

Then be honest with your therapist about your suicidal thinking. Suicide would hurt your family even more than if those gang members came after you and them. I have told about you to a poster up the list that oddly said, "I want to live?" She lives in a quieter neighborhood. You both need love and I hope "Lizzy S" answers you. Never give in to hating but forgive those who have abused you from the bottom of your heart. It will help get rid of the hating.

Good health, peace and Love!

Answer 2

I feel the same way you do.
Just a minute ago I locked myself in the bathroom and was crying. I even tried writing a suicide note and researching suicide methods. But then I remembered my dream: to become an actress. I've wanted that more than anything. I haven't had a chance to become a star yet, and I know I certainly won't if I kill myself. Now there must be something YOU like doing that cheers you up or some goal you want to accomplish. Or some person you care about. Well you'll never reach that goal or get to see that person again if you kill yourself. I'm really sad you feel that way but remember suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Pray, do things that make you happy, take a bath or shower, sleep, watch a funny movie, listen to music, dance, do anything to make yourself happy. PLEASE DON'T KILL YOURSELF! CALL 1 800 SUICIDE if you still feel depressed. Bless You and I will keep you in my prayers.

Answer 3

Life often sucks. There is a lot of pressure on young people, and a lot of stress. Depression is one of the ways our brains deal with stress when it seems like too much to handle. When I was young, I painted my whole room black. The ceilings, the floor and all the walls & doors -everything! What worked for me was a few things. First - when I told my therapist that I was thinking about killing myself, she got me some medication which really helped. Sometimes our brains get so much negative input that we just kinda overload. The meds helped stop that feeling of just want to scream at everyone "Shut the **** up and leave me alone!!!"

Then -much to my astonishment - the next thing that helped was exercise! I got out and like walked, rode my bike, swam -stuff like that.

Then, I actually went places where I was with other people. That was hard for me, because I wanted to isolate myself, BUT when I finally went places like the park, or wherever -I started to feel like, less crushed by the daily grind. And, believe me, it was a GRIND! I learned to "Act As If" I was OK. I still felt crappy for a while on the inside, but acting "normal" made people stop treating me like a freak.
After a while. A long while. I found that I wasn't acting any more, and I was able to stop the meds. I finished school, and got a job.

What made the difference for me, and I think for you too was being totally up front with my therapist.

Hope this helps. You ain't alone. Be good to you.

Answer 4

Inner city life is tough. I can feel for you. I hate being cooped up and not having the freedom to just go outside and sit under at tree and listen to just the wind blowing. It is really stressing you out. I would ask to go live with some relatives in a smaller town if you have any. Or opt to go to a boarding school just to get out of the city. Yeah the noise and people are sometimes just a little too much. Hang in there sweetie. Something will change here for you. Just be patient.

Answer 5

You need to pray and ask God to free your mind, let me tell you a stroy, Ethan felt like there was no point going on with life. Things had been tough since his mom died. His dad was working two jobs and seemed frazzled and angry most of the time. Whenever he and Ethan talked, it usually ended in yelling.

Ethan had just found out he’d failed a math test, and he was afraid of how mad and disappointed his dad would be. In the past, he always talked things over with his girlfriend — the only person who seemed to understand. But they’d broken up the week before, and now Ethan felt he had nowhere to turn.

Ethan knew where his dad kept his guns. But as he was unlocking the cabinet, he heard his kid sister arriving home from school. He didn’t want Grace to be the person to find him, so he put the gun back and went to watch TV with her instead. Later, when he realized how close he’d come to ending his life, Ethan was terrified. He summoned the courage to talk to his dad. After a long conversation, he realized how much his dad cared. All he could think of was how he’d almost thrown it all away.
God's plan is for life, not death. The Bible teaches that both physical and spiritual death are the result of our sin and disobedience to God, but eternal life is a gift to those who receive it.

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 6:23).
Jesus taught that death and destruction are the work of “the thief” (Satan). He said,

The thief comes only to steal and destroy (John 10:10).
John 8:44 says that Satan is a “murderer” and the “father of lies.” The feelings of despair that lead to suicide are caused by some of his lies.

Jesus wants us to have life. He said:

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full (John 10:10).
Life belongs to God. It is never our place to take our own life or someone else's life.

Answer 6

Suicide is not the way out. It's only for quitters. I know how you feel, I personally have nothing against gangs except that they terrify people. Don't listen and give in to the pressure they cause. Try to listen to music-soothing Spanish music. It always cheers me up. Don't give in to their pressure.If living life in Southall is bad, move in with someone who you think understands you and calm down. If its possible, take a holiday in the countryside. The calm and happy atmosphere will cheer you up. They might not know who you are and who your family is. Worrying about these things will give them pleasure to know they are terrifying you. Try to tell your family how you feel and they might move if it's ok. But try to stay calm and try to show everyone that you have a winning side too.

Answer 7

Everything is worse at night, in the dark. Try to sleep and think about all these bad things in the morning. Everything looks better in the light of day. I know that is easier said than done, but by writing out your problem for people to read we love you and want you to live. When you wake up call your counselor right away!! You don't HATE everyone, that is just your anger,coming out,needing LOVE, and care. Please don't through yourself away. I CARE. We all care. Peace.

Answer 8

There are no more barriers to cross, all you have in common with the uncontrollable is seeing the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem they have caused and your uttering difference towards it, you have now surpassed. Your pain is constant and sharp and you do not hope for a better world for anyone, in fact you want your pain to be inflicted on others, you want no one to escape, but even after admitting all this, there is no catharsis, your punishment continues to elude you and you gain no deeper knowledge of yourself, no new knowledge can be extracted from your telling..... your confession has meant nothing.

Answer 9

Suicide in not the answer. Where do you live? Somewhere bad. I dont want to say Im sorry because I dont want you to think I feel sorry for you. If you have it bad, just think, there is always someone that has it worse! I dont know what your problems are exactly, but chin up kid. That grass can always be greener. You just got to help it get greener.

Answer 10

i could tell you that it will be ok but you wouldn't believe me. i've had so many things go on in my life that made me feel the same way. find a new therapist and or a friend to confide in. also art helps get the feelings out especially music it works wonders but the one that will help more than any is just leave it all to God and he'll take care of you but you have to want him to help and exert some effort... in Christ --dustin