She's confused and needs some advice. !!!?

Question

My daughter asked me to post this:She's a christian woman who's been together with her husband for 6years. They have a son and custody of another boy at stake in their relationship. She feels torn because she doesn't feel her husband responds to her as a wife and lover. She feels trapped as a caretaker of two children and a live-in friend that's only there to pay the bills. Recently he accused her of cheating on him because she picked up a few friends to talk to that ARE men about the situation. This in mind, she has found another person that she cares alot about and now is thinking about leaving her marriage for this "other" person. She feels torn because she KNOWS it's wrong and sinful to feel this way but at the same time she doesn't feel her husband treats her as a wife. Communication is a key but talking to her husband has only made him more suspicious and not understand her even more. The friend she talks to alot says he cares for her alot but we all know how that can play out. She is really confused about the whole situations that are present and can't really think about much anymore....she goes through life and through the motions but her heart is not there and she feels like a failure.

Answer 1

Did your daughter vow to "for better or for worse" with this man?

Tell your daughter that ultimately she will be judged not on the commitments she made, but rather the commitments she kept.

Good luck to her.

Answer 2

Many things here. First off, I generally would encourage any couple to try and work it out, especially if they have kids. The rare except would be cheating or abuse. It is obvious you love him very much. Any man would be lucky to find such love in this life. But since he has repeatedly broken your trust by doing one of the very worst things a spouse can do, I think divorce might be the way to go. Now please contextualize this advice. I don't believe in separating because a spouse is unhappy, because there is too much argument, because there is not enough communication, because they've grown apart, because they married too young, or any of those types of reasons. I think the marriage vows are sacred and should be defended. Marriage should be defended and couples should fight hard for their marriage to work through issues. With that said, adultery is different. It's almost like murder in that you are destroying the most sacred and intimate bond humans can make. In your case it's a repeated thing which is all the more reason to really consider divorcing. Also, you mentioned that it's not about what the kids want, but about what you want. I don't buy that. It is about what the kids want. A marriage isn't merely between a husband and a wife when there are kids. The kids are just as important a piece of this as you are to each other. They can feel all the hurt and pain you can. However, in your case, since he has cheated, he is the one who has destroyed the family, not you by divorcing him. With all that said, I am truly sorry for what you're going through.

Answer 3

The friend is certainly no friend. If he were, he would walk away. Any man who comes between a husband and wife is not acting in a very friendly manner.

If your daughter is truly a Christian woman, then she needs to look at what the Bible says about divorce. God hates divorce. (Malachi 2:16) He didn't create the covenant of marriage for us to treat it rashly. It's a commitment that your daughter and her husband made to each other and to God.

Please advise them to seek Christian counseling. If it's not offered through their church, their pastor will be able to direct them where to go.

In the meantime, she needs to stop talking to other men about her issues with her husband and start talking to her husband. You say her heart is not there, but she is in control of her heart. She needs to put her heart back into her home and her family. If he's not meeting her needs, maybe she's not meeting his. They need to talk to each other, do special things for each other and remember the vows they made six years ago that were forever.

Answer 4

As a christian, Divorce is the last resort, If he accused her of cheating then more an likely he is cheating, she needs to look in to this. In a marriage is not normal at all to feel trapped you should feel loved and as one. She should get over this other person and try to rekindle her marriage if communication is the problem. Start communicating. Sometimes its hard to get yourself be vulnerable in the marriage and just let your guard down but you have to. Her heart will be there if she tries and if not then i suppose then she needs to stop fearing the worst get a divorce and get on with her life. She needs to pray as well and the Lord will lead her.

Answer 5

I wouldn't listen to Robert H. on this one. But i would strongly try and seek a marriage counselor on this matter if they are both willing to work on their relationship. Especially as a Christian you have to take your vows seriously as well as your faith, they go hand in hand. But in contrast to this if it is found that the husband doesn't want to improve on his relationship and he has been unfaithful. Then divorce maybe the best option. Put in some good prayers before making such a big decision and may God bless you.

Answer 6

Has she actually talked about this with him? Picking up a group of men AT ALL is a red flag the size of the moon to begin with. Even if she's not doing anything, she;s not setting a good track record for trust. Why does she have to talk to every person in the world about it except him just because he won't respond in seconds? If they need a therapist, advise them to go to one, it sounds like they do. How do you think my fiancee would feel if I picked up three women and none of you jackballs start in on any "its different for men" BS. Get them in some counseling to deal with his lack of trust in her (she's not exactly being trustworthy now is she?) and her lack of consideration for him.

And this other guys needs to get lost right now.

Answer 7

If she doesnt love him anymore then i suggest ending it,but if she still loves him then she should do everything in her power for the marriage.To me she already is cheating on him by having a man on the side to leave to.The children need to know that their mother and father both tried their best.It takes time but they both mutually have to come to conclusion if the marriage is worth saving or not.

Answer 8

screw what other say about divorce. if she isn't happy now, she WON'T get happy later on. it is apparent that there is a VOID in her marriage that will NOT EVER be filled without disolving it with DIVORCE. DIVORCE is NOT a sin if she is being melted away. GOD DOES NOT want her to be miserable for the rest of her life!!! THINK ABOUT IT!!! GOD's will is to learn and to grow. if she stays in her marriage she will DIE inside!!! She needs to be strong and to grow. She needs to be happy. At the same time, she needs to resolve things with her husband and try to keep things sane, for the kids' sake. It WILL be painfull at first, but she MUST choose, being not happy, or trying a new life. Happiness is not promised, but she must strive for her happiness, or keep herself locked up in her marriage... for ALL the wrong reasons!!!
GOD wants us all to be happy. There is ALWAYS a price for HAPPINESS!!!

Answer 9

good news. She is christian. Not catholic. That means that a divorce will not send her to eternal doom. Tell her to talk to her pastor, preacher, minister, whomever it is that leads her church. He/She will council them and let them figure out if their marriage is meant to be.

Answer 10

she has only one life to live and she must follow her heart if she want's to be happy