How can people throw stones at others and fault me for taking alimony?

Question

I was married to a successful physician for 14 years. I never worked, I stayed home for 10 years to care for our children never once pursuing my own dreams & desires. I moved all over the country for the pursuit of his career. When we divorced, we split a substantial amount of money and he agreed to pay me alimony. I did not press the issue but he makes so much money it was a drop in the bucket. Why should I feel guilty for taking what was rightfully mine for 14 years of marriage, baring and raising his two children? I get tired of people faulting me for receiving what's rightfully mine. Why do so many women/men disagree with me?

Answer 1

i dont fault you, i completely agree. one cannot raise a family and have a successful career as such with out "employing" somebody.

Answer 2

You do what you need to in order to survive. In any case, you're on your own now, so start pursuing your dreams and such.

Imo, there's a lot of factors that determine whether you truly deserved the money or not. Raising 1-2 kids doesn't require 16 hours of dedication. So it depends what you did during your free time.

Also, you view raising your children as a chore that required you to be paid for.

I can't really say much tbh. I don't know you, but i'm sure your friends and family have some good reason to say the things they do, whilst the people online on this site, don't know you at all will normally just say the first thing to come to their mind...

Though, it must have been nice to been home taking care of the kids, especially while they were at school and such while your husband was at work taking care of people. Being a physician isn't really a nicest of jobs, not to mention, it's not the most relaxing job to do. Or maybe it is, I don't know, I don't have any experience on the subject.

After more thought and considering ,you lived a carefree life of travel and maybe luxury for 14 years in exchange for raising kids during those 14 years, and then when you got divorced, you "401k" came through, and you got the 50% of the guys money. Is that really fair?

They're your kids too, don't forget, if you felt absolutely no pleasure in raising them, then there is something wrong.

You honestly sound too spoiled form what little knowledge I have of you.

Maybe you're just unaware of the many single mothers out there in this world that have a job, while taking care of their kids. Are they really getting their fair half? No, they aren't, but they're strong. You on the other hand, are not. You clearly made the choice to not pursue your own dreams and desires. My mother, while I was still growing up, raised me while working a job, just like my father at the time. If they were to divorce she wouldn't rob my father of the money he's worked for. A marriage is about equality. There clearly wasn't any equality when you took 50% of the guy's money when you divorced. It was more like 75% to you, while he kept 25%, and I'm talking more than just money.

Answer 3

Most people see it as unfair. For you to have had the opportunity to stay home and care for your children, while most people aren't able to. Also they see you as being selfish, you didn't work so you shouldn't get alimony. They don't think that raising children and taking care of the home is very hard. You rarely get time for yourself and without you staying home, how hard would it have been for your ex-husband to reach his goals. You were the support system. I believe you deserve whatever you are getting. I know this because I have 4 children and I've been working through it all. I've barely had the chance to be able to pursue my career because it's been hard to do both. I'm 36 by the way, better late than never : ) But don't worry about it. You were in the situation and you know better than anyone that you deserve what's coming to you.

Answer 4

i dont know but i can tell you my views..i moved all over the country and even out of the country...i bore two children and worked at a job that although didnt pay alot gave me enough to live on and feed my kids..i walked away with a 7 year old car and a tv when i divorced him we were married over 15 years and he is in the military i signed away everything to his retirement back to him..why did i do it...because although i moved and he was gone alot..it wasnt me sucking rubber 12 hours a day for weeks nor was it me in iraq or korea or anywhere else he went for his little "vacations" ..thats why so many people fault you...you married him for better or worse..there is nothing wrong with you getting up and getting a job..its one thing to take half of what he made while you were married but your ride stopped the day you got divorced..in this country women struggled long years to be treated as equal..so do you know why now?

Answer 5

What, people aren't grateful for your sacrifices and effort into pursuing your husband's life and raising the children? How dare they! You deserve alimony for sacrificing 14 ******* years of your life to raise his children and pursue his career. There isn't anything to feel guilty for anyway, right? You've done a good job, so you deserve alimony. People must be faulted or ****** in the head for not acknowledging the sacrifices you have made. It's not right, you know? You've been very grateful as well for the past 14 years of your life.

Answer 6

I think you should receive support for a time. You should also go out into the world and learn how to earn a living for yourself...it will be good for you. I don't think anyone owes anyone anything for the rest of their lives because they used to love them. However, I am one of the women in this world who owned a business with her ex husband, and when I left I left my job also...started a new career, never took a dime from him and I have a child with him. He sees her when ever he wants, he buys her things he would like to have her have....I am a bit more about not needing someone to take care of me...it is not a good idea.

Answer 7

In my opinion, you deserve the money. Raising kids is a full time job, they dont turn off. You should not feel guilty, just tell the people that say you dont deserve it to back off. Do they know what you went through? Probably not. Besides, you have to think about it, if you sacraficed your possible career, dont you deserve something in return, i mean, like if you did not marry him, who knows what you could have been. And now, since you didn't work you wouldn't have money coming out the wazoo, unlike him, so dont worry about it. I think they disagree with you because a) they haven't been in your situation, so they cannot relate and/or b) they just dont know the full story, so they're jumping to conclusions. Good luck.

Answer 8

I think you shouldn't feel guilty at all. You dedicated yourself to raising a family. Most people work, many at jobs they hate and they are stuck, maybe some of this hostility is envy-induced. Next time someone brings it up tell them to take a hike. Better yet if the discussion of divorce, alimony, jobs etc. comes up, just stop giving people any information. The less you tell people the less they can beat you up with later on.
I think you have no reason to feel bad.

Answer 9

well he was the one that worked for all that money, he was the one that went to school all those years to deserve his title as a successful physician, what does a stay home mom do? nothing! thats why to me i feel like women should be more independent instead of just relying on the man, we have rights now and we should take advantage of that. you never know what could happen to the man, he could die, or divorce you and youre left with nothing but a bunch of kids to figure out how to take care of, i think i would feel sick of half my earnings went to a man who did nothing, this is just my opinion

Answer 10

I do not disagree with you. You should not feel guilty. Although I don't work and am carrying my husband and my first child, I would also expect alimony if we ever got a divorce. People do not understand how hard of work it is being married and raising children for so many years and every body's situation is different.

Answer 11

They are just jealous. You are very much within your rights to accept that money. You deserve it. So you must be running in a crowd that just has no idea what they are saying. Or maybe they haven't been thru a divorced and just don't understand. Either way... it is ignorance or envy that causes them to throw stones. Best wishes to you on this new chapter in your life. Don't focus on what others say. Do what is right for you and all else will fall into place effortlessly.