From my marriage. I need some time to myself and have made plans to go away for about a year across the country to stay with friends. I plan on coming back to him but feel I have to decide if I want to spend the rest of my life with this guy. We have been married 8yrs, together 9, no kids. Do you think that by being away and re-evalulating will help the marriage? I really, really need this time. He does not listen to me when I tell him whats bothering me and his communication skills are 0. He has no idea that I plan to go, but he loves me so much that I know for a fact he will take me back, when I return.I think our marriage will just end in divorce if I dont go. We've tried everything and this is my last resort. I don't think I will get in touch with him since I need time alone. Maybe he'll appreciate me more too!
Thoughts?
2007-11-18 14:30:04 · 14 answers · asked by Azul 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This has to be drastic, since he is not interested in counselling.
2007-11-18 14:40:52 · update #1
A friend of mine did this and after 8 months of separation her husband took her back, with a few changes ie dif. bank accounts, starting dating process again.
2007-11-18 14:43:27 · update #2
*I like your idea! I am thinking about doing the exact same thing! I am so tired of being ignored! It is as if I no longer exist!
2007-11-26 00:03:26 · answer #1 · answered by Me 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Know what? Guys usually don't listen to their woman .. and the woman does NOT have their guy's attention .. until the woman is walking out the door. At that time - the woman may then get the guy's attention. This is sad - but true, most of the time.
Don't over-estimate your guy. If you leave for a year .. the possibility exists that he might not take you back. A year is a long time .. and so much can happen in a year. A lot could happen to you .. and a lot could happen to him. Each of you could even find someone new.
I completely understand that you need the time away .. and that you need time alone. Sometimes ... time away - does clear a person's head .. and they can eventually think clearly.
Have you considered first trying a shorter separation period? Then .. if your problem is not solved .. go for a longer separation period?
If you are wanting a long separation .. and if you need to decide if you want to live with him the rest of your life ... then problems do exist that definetly needs settleing. If you loved him completely .. there would be nothing to doubt.
Think it over. Do what you have to do. No one but you, knows what you feel .. and what you think. And it is your life.
Before you do this .. consider all the consequences ... even the consequences that you think will never happen.
2007-11-18 22:52:20 · answer #2 · answered by Tara 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello,
You are not a free person like you once were. Once you said I do...you did. I am sorry, maybe not what you wanted to hear. If you disappear 100% and he has no clue where you are and he loves you so much, no matter how bad the communication skills are you are going to kill him with worry. That can't be healthy no matter what happened to your friend.
If you decide to do this you should let him know your plans at least on a last minute and even grant him a divorce, when you find yourself after whatever months it will take you to do it, then you can reunite if both agree. No sense into keeping him attach and looking for you and you are as free as a bird and he is bound. It is not right or even balanced. You are both adults and he and you both have the right to be happy. If any of you is not, then divorce and keep it nice...if you get better, you can always re marry...but either both tied up or both free....
Best of luck to you
2007-11-25 11:07:38 · answer #3 · answered by Ariana 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you really think his communication skills are going to get better in a year away from you? It won't. Sounds like you need some time to decide what you want for yourself in the future but it shouldn't take a year to decide that. Maybe a week would be more realistic. Have you considered counseling for the both of you? He could learn some comm. skills, you could find out what you want for yourself. It sounds as if you've made up your mind already but want to keep him around just in case you don't like being alone. Sorry if I'm being blunt but.... If you've already tried counseling then get a legal separation and see how it goes.
2007-11-18 22:40:55 · answer #4 · answered by thisaintall07 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What if he did this to you? Try again to tell him how you feel. Why go so far away? Maybe just try to stay at a friend's in the area for awhile. Think about what you will do for the entire year. Will you work? How will you support yourself? What if you come back after a year and he's found someone else? What if he doesn't want you back? Why don't you write him a letter. Think before you act. Good luck.
2007-11-18 22:43:31 · answer #5 · answered by Stacysmom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think yo will certainly cause a divorce. You think he looks you so much he would wait till you decide to go back and thins be hunky dunky, I don't think so. If you need time apart to think, then discuss it with him and come to and agreement.
But don't expect anyone to sit and wait for you will you make up your mind for mind for an extreme period of time. That is telling him you sure don't care for him.
Have you tried some marriage counseling, if so go again and maybe get one better.
He he has no communication skills, do you? Have you not been able to get him to understand what your problem is with the marriage.====
2007-11-18 22:48:51 · answer #6 · answered by lana s 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may be in for a surprise, when he divorces you for abandonment. You really think he will stay faithful to someone who has left him? I think NOT! You are too smug and sure of yourself, you ought to think twice about giving up your place. He may just fill it with someone not so controlling as you.
You should look at your own problems in the marriage. You are a controlling person. Maybe you should work on your own short comings. Leaving your husband is not the answer.
2007-11-19 02:24:16 · answer #7 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your plan sounds a little drastic. I don't see what it's going to solve unless you're trying to punish him or give him a taste of what it's going to be like to live the rest of his life without you. Have you tried marriage counseling? Also, don't bet on him waiting for you to return.
2007-11-18 22:34:54 · answer #8 · answered by Emily Dew 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you leave and stay gone for a certain amount of time he can divorce you for abandonment and take everything. Also, he would worry terribly. You don't know how terrible that can be. Your friends and family would worry terribly, If they do know where you go they will have to lie to him for you. That is not fair to them. Tell him to his face you need time and then go. But first, talk to him, he deserves to know the truth.
2007-11-18 22:41:24 · answer #9 · answered by busymomkaren 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think going away is your answer at all. I thing the more away from something the worse it could be. Things happen during separations that are very difficult to work through. If you want to work on your marriage..........you should work on it.
2007-11-18 23:09:09 · answer #10 · answered by Primrose 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats great. good 4 u! just when u leave-leave a note''ill b back,im safe n ill let phone ring once'' so u dont get charged. every month or so let it ring once. by the time u get back ull no who u r,what u want to do n if u want to stay. im havin trouble myself n if i didnt have a kid id leave. ive left b4-''he couldnt stand bein w/out me blablabla. he tried to make it better, it lasted a month. communication is #1. ''hows it feel,thats what u get when u dont put effort into me'' thats what id say.'' good luck!!!
2007-11-19 02:58:36 · answer #11 · answered by J.D. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋