What do I do about a lying husband?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years and since April of 2006, he's been lying to me about things...some of them are random and others are really important. He lies to me about our finances and has actually gotten a past bank account closed due to fraud on his part.
I don't know what to do anymore because I find proof that he's done something to mess up our money again and he lies even when I confront him about it. He lies about working and reasons that he's not at work. I feel like I can't trust him to tell me anything now.
What should I do?

Answer 1

You don't know who your married to,he isn't who you think he is. Anyone that lies about nothing just for the sake of lying isn't good husband material. I know you love him but in the long run the two of you will get a divorce so you might as well get it over with now. Why put off tomorrow what you can do today. He's bad news !!!

Answer 2

Well first thing don't let him get his hands on any of the money bank accounts house papers or anything Else that could put you in debt Then have a talk to him if it doesn't go how you want it to then tell him to go and change all the locks that day might want to think about changing your car as well sounds like this guy has a history of nasty little lies that can sometimes turn in to big lies with a lot of trouble

Answer 3

Your husband has obviously developed a pattern that he feels works for him. We all lie at times, even if it is only that we don't tell the entire truthe. I think your husbands lying is motivated by fear, either that or he has lied so much that it is a reflex (chronic lying). When you bring up the topic with your spouse, it helps to focus on your feelings, not his behavior. For instance, saying the following is not very useful:
I know that you...
Why are you lying to me about.......
Making such accusations almost always leads to a defensive reaction, which only gets in the way of genuine understanding and a resolution of the problem.

Rather than focusing on your partner's use of deception, try to phrase the problem in the least judgmental way possible by focusing on your own feelings. For instance, it helps to start such conversations by saying: Something I discovered is upsetting me. I'm concerned (sad, hurt, frustrated) about... and I want to be able to talk with you about it...

If you focus on your feelings - and discuss your partner's underlying behavior tentatively, in the least judgmental way that you can, you have the best chance of being heard. And being heard (understood) is the ultimate goal when trying to work through problems with a partner.

Of course, this method is far from perfect, and it usually requires that both people have good communication skills. But, this method does work better than simply attacking or blaming a partner for his or her deceptive behavior.

If your husbands behaviour is damaging your financial standing then it has become serious. You may wish to seek counseling, it sounds as if he needs it.

Answer 4

So sorry, but lying about everything and anything is a terrible way to live. He's always going to have you guessing. I lived that way for 10 years and the love just was crushed out of the relationship. Then, he started sleeping with a co worker. He lied about that too, but the emails let me know how much dis trust he created. No going back. Hope you stop him now instead of telling yourself it doesn't mean anything.

Answer 5

Being that I am usually the one in finacial trouble in our relationship, I hope this helps a little. To start, with the lying about little things, I know my boyfriend of 8 years does it to aviod an argument. He used to do it all the time because he thought I would get upset. I explained to him that it upset me more that he would lie about it then just telling me what he was actually doing (like going to the bar with his buddies). I would suggest mentioning that to him about the lying. As for the financing, he may have a serious problem with handling money. I know I do. You need to take control before it is to late! I have literally started to hand over my paychecks to him because if I have it, I will spend it. You need to tell him that you are greatly concerned about your finacial future. He may be stressed (maybe even depressed, which would explain why he dosen't go to work, then lies about it) about the $ situation. You should tell him you want to take some of the stress away from him (and yourself for that matter) by taking over handling the finances. Also look into financial consultants (not debt consultants, they are different) That can help you get things under control and feeling more secure. This is about you and your financial future as much as it is about his, so you need to get more involved and take control before it gets out of control.

Answer 6

Since he lies about the finances and so forth I would get a seperate bank account and would definitely remove my name from a joint bank account before he ruins your credit and gets you into trouble. I would also think strongly about whether or not I could be with a man that lies to me about something as important as money.

Answer 7

You need to try to get him to talk to you about what's going on. There has to be a reason why he's doing this. Maybe he just doesn't want to worry you. It's not good to be with someone that you can't trust or with someone that feels lying is the answer.

Answer 8

I've always been taught (and it always proves true), that liars will do anything....cheat, steal....you name it..So chances are if you husband is lying about things both great and small....there are probably things about him that you would be better off not knowing...and if he committed some type of fraud I suggest you chuck it up to a loss, get rid of him and reclaim your maiden name because when the deal goes down, your stuck making amends for all his wrongdoings b/c on paper, you TWO are ONE

Answer 9

Oh my god you married my ex-husband??? Seriously though, he's not going to change...not now, not ever. The lying doesn't go away, it only gets worse with time. Any relationship needs to be built on trust...

Answer 10

take control over the finances and give him allowance like a little 10 year old child!