Yet it seems that men of the age I am interested in (40+) usually have at least a child out of their previous marriage. I know for a fact that I am not prepaired to co-exist with a child - let alone one that it is not mine, under the same roof. Though I can be with a man who will take care of his child at his own space and time and will not expect from me to act as a substitute mother. The question is really for single dads:- When you like a woman, would it be ok with you if she does not care to be a mom for your child? Is it ok for if the woman you like needs to keep a distance from your child? Or do all single dads (who are good dads) come with the idea: you like me - you MUST make space for my child in your life as well??
Let me make it easier: It is not that I hate children, I just don't feel like playing mom, or assuming the role of the stepmother, or sharing most of my time with him AND his child instead with him only. I don't care to have ALL of his time.
2007-11-18 11:51:13 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I just want to have ALL of his time when he is with me, even if I get the least of his time compared to his child / children.
2007-11-18 11:52:05 · update #1
Hellen, sometimes you have to persevere and endure hardship and its not all single fathers choose to have kids outside the wed lock or more importantly divorced fathers wished to end there relationships. Some are pure honest in there relationship, they have sense of humor, very sensitive etc and as you develop your relationship, they are confidence to accept you, love you not because you will be a substitute mother but as a companion. You have rights to accept him with his package or don't. It all depends on your love. and caring. If you don't want to accept any responsibility, which am sure it would be very hurting to them, all you have to do is talk to you partner about these issues. If you truely love him, helping him as long as he appreciate, care, respect and loves you, it won't be a big deal. As time goes by you will feel a sense to be involved in one way or another. If they come home to visit there dad and they say hey to you, will you turn them away? If they bring you roses on your birthday, will you tell them that you hate them? It will depend on they way they keep up themselves to accept you, and respect you who you are to there father. So stepping up to help them is optional based on your decision. But, more likely, it will not be aneasy task to love a man with lovable kids for you to deny then and accept their father. In turn, quite obviously in such situation, your partners kids will come first before you and he perhaps won't respect or care for you other than being sex partner with or without or pretending to love you I guarantee you all this unless you found one without kids and make sure you understand his background. Some may tell you not to be involved but who know what tomorrow brings. So a better understandable communication will solve alot between you and your partner.
2007-11-18 12:23:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you do not wish to play the role of mother then DO NOT get into a relationship with a man that has his child living with him. The child will feel as if he/she has to compete with you in order to get the attention that they need from his/her father and that is not fair to the child. The fact that you want nothing to do with the child will send off an unspoken message that the child is not worthy of being loved by you. This message will happen whether you want it to or not. Do not be so selfish as to even harbor the idea of getting with a man that has serious obligations to his child. There are plenty of men out there that have no kids at all . Choose one of these men to be partners with.
2007-11-18 11:59:17 · answer #2 · answered by firemouse23 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
yep u need to only date and commit the men that have no children and i am a woman that is saying that not a man, it would not be good for u either as it wouldnt be long before u got resentful or something and when it comes down to u or his kids it isnt even a close call for a man that loves his kids, and u have to understand, women come and go kids are your kids forever, and a guy with kids is a package deal and u have no right to request otherwise, as no man worth having would put up with anything even resembling this, i realize u dont hate kids and i commend u for realizing this but stay away from any guy that has them as this can cause everyone involved nothing but heartache ps. and this goes for men that dont have custody of their children too as kids always come first and alot of times plans change cause kids do and have things going not on anyones clock but their own
2007-11-18 12:01:37 · answer #3 · answered by Dale T 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There are men in that age range sharing the same sentiments as you- trust me.
My brother is 42. No kids of his own. Best uncle in the world, but he never wants to be a dad. Just keep looking. They're out there.
2007-11-18 11:56:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Fine. This has been a bone of contention recently so I am honored to clear this up for everyone: You would never be asked to be a "substitute" anything to my children...they have a mother; providing for them is my responsibility and I don't defer that to anyone. I decide when and if you're significant enough to ever be introduced to my children, and should that day arrive it'll be your proximity that is strictly regulated, not theirs. You won't be "playing" anything where they're concerned because I don't have time for games. In fact, maybe I don't have room or time for you.
2007-11-18 12:03:20 · answer #5 · answered by Captain S 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I felt the same way and never dated men with children...so it was never an issue. The same could be said of men who do have kids from previous relationship...they would not be interested in a woman who would not accept their kids as part of the deal. Seems simple enough.
2007-11-18 12:10:54 · answer #6 · answered by that judi 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i think it will be difficult to find a man who is ok with this arrangement. if he takes you seriously and wants you in his life, then he will want to SHARE his life with you not just compartmentalize his life to make you happy. he will want you to be involved with his children and for them to have a relationship with you. he may not expect you to mother them, but he will want to be able to do things with you and his children at the same time. like holidays, will he have to spend one day with his children and a different day with you opening presents? wouldn't he prefer to open gifts and create traditions that you all share? perhaps consider dating younger men who are less likely to have children and who may not want a serious commitment anyway. or, look for men who are bachelors. there are plenty of them out there.
2007-11-18 11:57:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would say if this is your view, then men with children would NOT want you in their lives anyway.
To a parent CHILDREN WILL ALWAYS COME FIRST.
You would cause too much trouble for a man who has children.
Stay away from them and find someone who doesnt have or want any kids.
2007-11-18 12:08:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Most want you to be surrogate mom to their kids. So make it clear when you meet a man with kids.
2007-11-18 20:55:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If a woman didn't have a place for my kids I wouldn't have a place for her. Seems like you should find someone like yourself who doesn't have kids or want them.
2007-11-18 11:59:00 · answer #10 · answered by William B music lover 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋