my ex , whom i still cant let go of,( married 30 years) is living with one of his co workers(he met her at work while we were still married) after our divorce he moved into her apt, she got him a cell phone, everythings in her name, anyway why do i constantly wonder what she looks like and what i would do if i met her. any body else in the same situation out there?
2007-11-18 11:16:26 · 19 answers · asked by Fran M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your 'curiousity' of her is perfectly normal... the real question you want answered for YOURSELF is.... DID HE MAKE A HUGE MISTAKE? If you can 'see' her then your mind can let you pick her apart and find all the flaws that you think he doesn't see!! That is how people cope with unfaithfullness. That's OK... but my advice is simple... COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS THAT YOU GOT RID OF HIM!! IF HE WOULD CHEAT ON A WOMAN HE WAS MARRIED TO FOR THAT LONG... YOU'RE BETTER OFF TO FIND SOMEONE WHO APPRECIATES YOU! HE DID YOU THE BIGGEST FAVOR OF ALL!! NOW YOU CAN FIND A REAL RELATIONSHIP BASED ON TRUST, RESPECT, AND LOVE! THEY ARE OUT THERE... JUST BE PATIENT- BEING ALONE DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO BE LONELY!!
If you need anymore good news..remember this... What goes around, comes around... even if it take some time!!
2007-11-19 00:37:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No but I have been there. Its a terrible situation. I am sorry you are in it. I would not give him the time of day. Don't give him the satisfaction of making an effort for him that pig. I know it's hard but time will heal. My ex married my best friend..well what is now my ex best friend. Someone better will come and will be better for you. Things happen for a reason. Just hold on and not think about it. Keep busy as much as possible. Join a local womens club or something. I am sorry. I hate it when this happens to people.
2007-11-18 19:22:12 · answer #2 · answered by Neverender 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound anxious, and who can blame you having been married for so long. You feel this way because as you say you cannot let go of... But you need to be able to let go. Easier said than done I'm sure, at best I can only pray for you.
As for trying to make up your mind what you would do if you met her. Like many things in life best deal with it, when and if it ever happens, else you are being robbed of living the happy life you should be living.
Hope you can find a nice friend to talk to about these concerns face to face. And gain a sympathetic ear.
2007-11-18 19:26:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
im just a kid, but my parents got divorced so I know what you are talking about. My mom and dad were married for almost 20 years, and when they got divorced it was a big blow for the entire family. i watched them go through hard times, and i know that the reason you are curious is because even though you may not love your ex anymore, he was a HUGE part of your life. you can't just erase 30 years, nor should you try. you may not want to admit it, but you are still attached to him. my best guess for why you want to know what she looks like is that you want to reassure yourself that you are prettier or more accomplished (or whatever) than her. I think it is normal, and only time will make this easier.
2007-11-18 19:22:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's only natural to wonder what she looks like, etc. I went through the same thing when I was still married to my ex & he cheated on me. I was curious as to what she looked like & what kind of woman he'd choose to have an affair with. Maybe you'll be able to see her from afar when your ex & her are together. That's the only way to satisfy your curiosity. Worked for me.
2007-11-18 19:22:59 · answer #5 · answered by Shortstuff13 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When my (ex)husband cheated on me all I thought about was what she looked like (was she prettier, thinner, etc)... and if I met her what I would say and/or do... now months later I'm just happy to have picked up the pieces in my life and moved on.
Best of luck hun! and know that you are not alone.
2007-11-18 19:20:30 · answer #6 · answered by Scout 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
aww this cant be nice for you to go through, im so sorry a guy did this to you :(
I think its just an insecurity thing, I do this about my ex's new girlfriend (whom he'd met when with me) I constantly worry about her and what she has that I didnt... all the usual worries...
If you met her... you would smile say hello and then inside your head feel sorry for her as if he cheated on you with her... what are the chances that he will do it again....
well thats what i tell myself :)
2007-11-18 19:20:16 · answer #7 · answered by Adri V 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My soon to be ex took my boys and moved in with her "friend". Now my boys are over 18 and out of her life. I could care less what she threw away 17 years for.
2007-11-18 19:20:33 · answer #8 · answered by Jason 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Totally normal behavior! but really and truly...try to not think about it because if she's beautiful you'll feel like inferior. If she looks like she was beaten with the ugly stick you'll wonder why he chose her. The curiosity is natural. It's the "how far you would go to find out" that isn't.
2007-11-18 19:22:59 · answer #9 · answered by CherryBlossom 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you're curious and its normal. HOWEVER, though its normal is still unhealthy if you spend to much time focusing on it. her and him and everything that goes along with it.... Time to start focusing on you because thats who's important. You might want to consider seeking counseling if you're finding it difficult to keep this under control on your own...
All the Best !! And your probably way better off without him (you may not realize it yet, but...trust me you are. And when you do finally realize that you will be much happier with yourself and in Life in General!!
2007-11-18 20:48:57 · answer #10 · answered by busymum 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋