I want to divorce my husband because he committed adultery, but......?

Question

I find it so hard to divorce because we have three small children plus, i am a product of divorce and i rebelled and became primiscuous at a young age and i dont want that happening to my daughters. My husband, on the other hand doesn't want to leave and wants to work things out....but i still want to keep my distance for a while so we could re-evaluate our marraige. What my question is, if we do stay in the same household, but keep our distance work out our schedules to be completely opposite so we dont ever have to really spend time with eachother etc. should i still make him dinner and do the "wifely" duties that im so used to doing? it may sound like a silly question, but at this point i am just really confused as to what choice i want to make since my husband and i technically cannot physically seperate.....please be honest.

Answer 1

I commend you thus far for seeking advice. If you and your husband are both willing to do the work necessary to rebuild your relationship you must give it a try. Infidelity doesn't have to be the end all here. It is a major infraction that can be but doesn't have to be fatal. Your husband must be contrite, repent and seek your forgiveness. He should also demonstrate his desire to go on by ending any relationships, habits or haunts that led him to be unfaithful in the first place. he must be held accountable and given little room for error until he has demonstrated to your satisfaction that this indescretion won't be repeated.
If you are involved in a church, he should seek a mentor to help hold him accountable as well.
Long and short of it, if it was a one night stand and he is repentant, you must choose the direction you both go in next.
Oh, hope he can cook once in awhile at least.

Answer 2

I think your children would absolutely Notice the "difference" in how Mommy & Daddy are acting. As a "product" of a divorce, you know what your children may feel, etc... You can actually be a great assest from your own experience. Your kids won't necessarily DO the things you did. You can go to Family counseling as well. That will help you and the kids. As far as your husband, he should have thought about "working things out" BEFORE he cheated on you !!! I would suggest counseling for All of you. I don't think you should just ""pretend" everything is OK , for the sake of the kids (as in cooking dinner for your husband, etc. ) You are of victim of your husbands actions. It's going to be a very tense environment, if you are both under the same roof, trying to ACT like everything is "normal". You need time and space to heal from the hurt your husband has caused you. Good Luck!!

Answer 3

Ok first the only person who can tell you what to do is you. As far as you kids ... they will know that something is different. By you guys going avoiding each other it is no different then you just moving out of the house. Think back when you were a kid, you knew when mommy and daddy was fighting. Kids are smarter then we give the credit for. You have to be honest with them. By that I don't mean go tell them that their dad cheated, but let them know that mommy and daddy are trying to work somethings out and they may not see each other as much. Make sure you always tell them that you love them and that will never change. If you believe that your husband is sorry and he will not do it again ... then work on it. People do make mistakes, but understand, if he does it again, you need to leave... Seeing their dad treat their mother with disrespect will mess them up more in the long run more than you getting a divorce. I speak from knowing someone going thought this!

Answer 4

I think if you stay with your husband and keep up appearance for the sake of the kids could work as long as the two of you don't start arguing over things he did. Tell him you will stay with him as his friend and you will take care of the things you always have but as far as the bed room you will need more time with that. As long as he doesn't presser you into doing something you don't want to do you will be fine.
My in-laws was married for over 10 years and she started having an affair it went on for years, she ask my father in-law to leave and she wanted a divorce but he wouldn't leave because of his kids. So they lived in the same house they kept up appences and fooled alot of people but the kids. It went on for 5 years living like that not sleeping in the same bed or the same room. They did get back together but my husband remembers how tense it was and unloving she was toward her husband.
Even though my husband was young when it went on he still remembered how bad it was to have a mother who did not show any kind of attention to his dad and when he tried she would push him away. To this day my husband has a problem with women and trusting them. Like you said the kids are the ones who will pay the price in the long run. Remember what you went through as a child growing up in a home that was filled with animosities. If you do this your own children will be affected by you decisions so be very sure this is what you want to do. .

Answer 5

Wow, that's a hard thing to go through. I think you can react how ever you are going to react. If you don't want to make him dinner, he can make it himself. But really that's not a big deal. The real matter is if you guys are able to work it out and through this hard time. If it were me, I would continue being a mother and focus on that more than being a wife right now until you have time to think everything over and sort out your feelings. Then when you know if this is fixable or not you can focus on being a wife again. You need your time and space esp. in this situation. Is he really sorry? If he was he would be kissing your feet. And if this happens again, then you would not be smart to stay! Good Luck and I hope all works out!

Answer 6

Well, what you are asking is should you stay for the money or leave for the principle? Cheating is never a reason for staying. If a guy cheats and you forgive him, it will send the signal that you approved of his actions or at least will not create a big problem from it. My wife came a whiskers length from cheating with my brother at the beginning of our marriage. Had she consummated the relationship, she would not be married to me now, 19 years later. I put down the law, and yes, I will always have this ace in the hole. However, I do have to admit, forgiving her has made me a giant in her eyes. But, I'm a guy. And it was my brother that flirted with her.

Answer 7

Frankly, if that's what he needs, i do no longer see the style you have any selection. It in basic terms takes one better half to tension a divorce. All i can allow you recognize is that for the duration of my constrained adventure with this concern the 2d marriage would not final the two, and the subsequent divorce is plenty greater high priced and adverse. for my area, the rationalization God carved out the adultery exception for divorce is that that's the toughest sin for people to forgive their spouses and the bitterness from the betrayal retains coming back like a virulent disease. additionally, i've got reported that for some unusual reason, adult adult males can cheat yet nevertheless carry their cheating different halves to a much greater to blame standard. do no longer provide up desire, because of fact God continues to be in the heart-replace corporation.

Answer 8

I understand your concerns, but don't raise your children in a fraud marriage. Remember, once a cheat, ALWAYS a cheat.
It doesn't set a good example for your kids, and getting a divorce is the better solution of the two. Just make sure you tell them there are good people out there. Sadly, your husband decided to break that trust. I say, when a husband cheats, he cheats not only on his wife, but his family too.

Answer 9

I guess my question would be: do you work outside the home or is your role currently caregiver and household manager? I think it is fair that if he is paying the bills you take care of the household. This would include all the "wifely" duties except those in the bedroom.

Mind you, I am not downplaying the role of caregiver and household manager. I wish I had one...

However, if you work as well, I think it stinks that you do all the work around the house and work...In that case, maybe you should design a sharing of the household chores amongst the kids, yourself and your "husband".

Answer 10

I think you need to take some time before you make any 'rules.' At the very least, you could try to maintain a platonic friendship, and dinner at night as a 'family' would probably do the children some good. To simply live in the same house like five roommates isn't going to do the trick.