Can an active Drinker coexist with a recovering drinker?

Question

Does this sound like there is a bit of truth to this situation.

I have always known that drinking was a problem for me. I just choose to ignore the problems that go along with it. I was a completely functional drinker and thought I knew what I was doing.

I waited to get married until I was 32, mostly because I could not find anyone that would put up with my secret.

Then I met my wife, a great better half for me, so I thought. I finally found someone I could get drunk with all the time.

Then about five years into the marriage, I was having major health problems because of my drinking, yet this did not stop me from drinking. I was at the point where I did not care about anyone or anything.

One thing that always got me in a lot of arguments with my wife was that she continued to drink and pop prescription meds while I was in a state of jepeoardy.

She still claims to be a ALANON member because of her second husband and that it is OK to drink in front of me. I strongly disagreed with her.

This led us to start filing for a divorce.

While this was happening, something clicked inside of me and I quit drinking.

She has always stated that she wishes that I would quit drinking.

after about 6 months of bieng sober, I could finally see through the fog that I have been living in and I decided to reconcile with my wife and try to make things right.

When I moved back in, I really thought that the absense of my drinking would curtail her drinking. WRONG!!!

She has asked me if drinking in front of me bothers me.. My answer is a sincere no it does not bother me the smell, physical presence, etc..

I told her what does bother me is the Dual personalities that come out when you are drinking.

One big thing I have noticed in this progressive disease is denial and anger.


Well All said here,

We are seperated

This is what I think I have learned about all this:

1. Two drunks meet each other
2. Two drunks get married
3. One drunks tells other drunks that he drinks too much
4. The other drunk becomes sober
5. Now the sober drunk and active drunk have nothing in common


I will continue on a sober road 600+ Days


Does anyone have a similar experience ???

Answer 1

no but first of all congrats on the 600 plus days. secondly...you have to be pretty strong to be recovering and live with a drinker or addict and most people are not. it is even worse..with two recovering..folks.. becuz they rotate turns relapsing. you did not mention having a sponsor and/ or attending meetings? anyway good job.

Answer 2

Oh my there is other men out having the same issues as I have w/alcohol!!! I won't go to the details of my being drunk(functioing), but that the way it was for 20+years, I got sick&tire of being sick&tired, signed my self into rehab, That was in "95", and haven't drank since. When I came home, WIFE was drinking, I told her that if her drinking endangered my soberity, that I'd levae and never be back!! 3 of my dearest friends in the wolrd quit (cold turkey), in support of me!! "THATS A FRIEND", I've worked 2nd shift for a lot of years, never paid much attentionI guess. She drinks 2X as much, and the really good beer $$$, (we drank what ever was on sale when we drank together!! ) I've reminded her before, now I'm out of work for a while, and she really drinks alot, I just don't have much in common with her any more?? I've given my self 90 more days to find a job, maybe relocate (by myself), and let her just keep drinking, theres not much else to do!!!

Answer 3

Firstly allow me to congratulate you on your 600 + days of sobriety "one day at a time." Like yourself I am also a person who is practicing living a life of sobriety. However, my wife does not indulge at present either and tells me that she neither misses drinking or the side effects. Too bad that your wife did not see that alcohol was problematic in her life also, but we all need to hit our own bottom and perhaps eventually she will too give it up. That said however, if she was drinking and not causing upset in your home then it should not be a problem if your partner was to have the odd drink. But if she was burying her head and not realizing what effect drinking was having on her life and relationship then that is too bad, but something I can definitely relate too. Allow yourself some time to grieve the loss of this relationship and trust me when I tell you that you will also meet someone with whom to share your life and sobriety with. Continued good luck and sobriety to you for many more days and years to come.

Answer 4

She loves you, but loves her pills and drinking more.
Seeing she has to choose between you and her drugs and alcohol, she has shown which she loves the most.
Tell her the drugs and alcohol need to go if she wants to stay with you, if she doesn't then they will destroy her life with OR without you.
Stay on the right track.The United Pentecostal church can help you break that addiction for good and it can help her too IF she WANTS help.They have a program for alcoholics and druggies, even if it IS prescription drugs.

Answer 5

I think it would be very difficult....because every day you have to make a choice to NOT pick up a drink, and to have someone 'flaunting' it in your home....OUCH. I do not think I could live peacefully that way.

Answer 6

you are skating on thin ice !!!!!!!!!!!!!!