what do you think of the begging of my story i writing for lulu.com?

Question

City Council Experiences

in a dark neighborhood with dyeing trees, wet roads and ugly people crossing the roads.. there is a a steep hill leading to a cave once you go in there you will see a path. witch goes underground to a stoned castle with a flag on top of the last room in top of the castle. witch people say that the castle is owned by a old lady named Ms Walker. How believe in Wicca witch is a nature-based religion found in various countries throughout the world for an old witchcraft religion. the last room on top of the castle was her bedroom. you can always tell when she about to leave the room becouse the door use to creak and the floor boards. the castle also has a long garden with a maze and a pool. ms walker turd the castle into a boarding school with three others teachers living in the castle. mr cleaves the p.e teacher with long thick black with Grey roots hair in a pony tale and short tempered attitude. the theres mrs clock the art teacher who the quietest, shyest and nicest teacher you will ever meet.but the worst teacher is mr clock the history of Paganism teacher and he also mrs clock husband. he so twisted he gives people rows for the slightest reasons. he shouts, yell and basically he dose everything that we hate. but this was not just any school it was a school for witches and Warlocks in england named City Council Experiences becouse its owned by a Council in the u.s.a.

Answer 1

Better than Harry Potter!

Answer 2

You need not only to use a spell check, but also to vastly improve your grammar. And can I give you a tip, as someone who has written short stories? You have crammed more into this little passage than you would in a short story. You need to draw it out more. You are not giving enough information on certain aspects; the ugly people, the steep hill and the path. You say about the path going underground, yet in the same sentence you are talking about a flag on top of the castle. There is not enough information in between. I am not knocking your attempts at writing, I applaud you for it, but you do need to take some basic steps before you try to write it. Having read through all this, I would say that you could have made up at least two chapters from all the stuff you've crammed in there, but as I said already, there is not sufficient information supplied on anything. Should you wish, I'd send you my way of writing this little article by e-mail, though it would be much longer than the piece you wrote. It may help you, or you may think I'm interfering, but you did ask for comments on this beginning. I do wish you all the very best with your story. As for the spell check, if Bella herself is an author, she should take her own advice.

Answer 3

I dont know what lulu.com is but you're not a very good writer. Sorry! Your spelling and grammar are absolutely atrocious! From your writing you seem to be only learning english - if this is the case then you need to master the language before writing english stories.
I reckon this is a pisstake actually! Also I must say that whoever says they're an author and then says your story is good except for a few spelling mistakes is a bit misguided. The idea behind the story may be a good one but if you write like that you'll never make an author.
I don't mean to be cruel but that is my honest opinion.

Answer 4

I am sorry. I read a long bit by somebody else some time back, but I can't read this short one to its conclusion. The spelling, grammar and changes of viewpoint look just like picture of jagged lightning to me.

I'm sure that since you made the effort to write something, you have something to say. I just suggest that you take your time about it. Ease up.
Write each sentence very carefully, paying attention to grammar and spelling. (Remember that a spell-check will not pick up all errors, and a grammar check rarely tells you the best thing to do.)
Then read the sentence out loud, and see what may need changing, and where you may need to put punctuation. Always be willing to rewrite.

Other than that, read a lot. By reading a lot, you will learn more about the art of writing.
All the best...

Answer 5

Sorry to be so blunt, but this isn't very good. The spelling is awful and the writing style is very immature. You don't say how old you are, but if you're quite young, then spend some more time reading and maybe even take up a creative writing class.
Lulu.com is a rip off, they don't care about talent, only making money, please stay away from them.

Answer 6

I knew before I opened it that you couldn't spell.

Consider this: AS A WRITER, your life is in words. As a result, you need to present the most professional image possible because your WORDS will be judged.

Learn to proofread. Learn to spell.

Answer 7

You really need to work on the punctuation and spelling. I'm afraid any editor would just throw this out as it is.

Answer 8

you definitely need to improve your spelling and grammar, your sentence structure is poor and sometimes what you have written doesn't make sense. please don't offence but i personally don't like your writing style or the story so far.

Answer 9

Pretty awful, actually. Sorry, you asked though.

Answer 10

I really like it. I am an author myself and I say your on your way to fame! Just try to make your sentences a little bit more understandalbe by using a spellchecker. Other than that, it's perfect!