My sister inlaw wants to use my girl name for her baby any advice?

Question

I am currently going thoungh fertility. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for 2 years. We have decided if we have a girl someday we will name her after my grandmother who has past away at a young age. Well my sister inlaw is currently pregnant with a girl and is thinking about using my name. I know that I am not pregnant and I am not guarnteed a girl so I feel I can not tell her she can't have it. But I also feel after all our struggles if I have a girl I should be able to have the chance to use my grandmothers name. I am afraid to say anything because if I do and she still uses it how am I going to feel about her them. We already don't have the closest relationship. Do I have a right to feel upset?

The name is lily for those of you who have asked and she is my husbands brothers wife.

Answer 1

you do have a right to be upset if she knew that was your wishes before she was pregnant. tell her how you feel if she didnt know. IF you do have a girl name her what you want. even if your sis already did

Answer 2

That is a tough situation. I'm sorry you've had trouble having a baby.

I hope you can explain you have had your heart set on that name and express your feelings about the situation. Does she know you have been trying for two years and/or that you have that name picked out? Have you spoke with anyone in the family about this? Is the grandmother whose name you have in mind on the same side of the family as this SIL or just a coincidence?

I agree with you that the added difficulty is that you don't even know if you will have a girl. One way to look at it if your SIL still sticks with the name is that if you don't have a girl, at least the name will have been used. I know it won't be what you dreamed about though.... at least you can definitely use it as a middle name.

I think you have a right to be upset but maybe your SIL will be understanding. Better yet, maybe she already changed her mind and plans to go with a different name.

BTW, what is the name?

Answer 3

Is this your brother's sister and they want to name their child after the same grandmother? Or is this your husband's sister and they wouldn't be naming after anyone? Did she know you were set on this name?

I think that it is okay for first cousins to share a first name, especially if they are named after the same person. Also, if everyone knows you want to use the name, you won't be seen as copying when you do use it. Same with if it's a family name.

I think you have a right to feel upset, but I don't think you should let it bother you TOO much. You can always use the name, even if she uses it first. Bringing it up to her is likely to only upset you more, because it is likely to cause additional tension.

One reason to try not to let it upset you too much: stress is not good for your fertility. I know what you are going through is very difficult and I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 4

Regardless of the reasons why, she is having a baby, and you are not. You don't have the right to lay claim to a name in the hopes that you someday have a girl. What if you have all boys? Or what if she does?

Names are fair game. Just because you have your heart set on it doesn't mean you get to control what everyone else in your family does. You can still use Lily as a middle name, should the time come.

Answer 5

Yes you have a right to feel upset. You love that name and you want to use it. You could ask her to use it as a middle name and you could could use it as a first name. If that doesn't work, switch it around. You take it as a middle name and she can have the first name. If THAT doesn't work then maybe if you want to remember your grandmother build a garden or plant a tree in her memory. Or if your grandmother had a favorite animal or flower or living thing, you could name it after her or name a garden with her name but the garden would have her favorite flower or whatever she liked. If she liked an animal like a panda or an eagle, you can't keep them as a pet. Get a stuffed animal and name it after her.

The most important thing is to tell her how you feel. She might understand. She was your grandmother but was also your brother's. So if your brother wants to name the baby after her then take it up with him.

Hope this helps!

Answer 6

First and foremost, you have every right to be upset. It becomes clear to me that you must have some sentimental attachment to the name if you wish to use it. Therefore, in my opinion, you have more right to use this name, especially as your sister in-law had no form of a relationship with your grandmother. I suggest you sit down with her and put forth your feelings, without getting to heated, because she may then use the name simply to spite you (if she is that sort of person). I can see where we are coming from and I honestly believe that you should have some say in this matter, especially as the name means so much to you. Furthermore, after the sturggle you have been through, you deserve to use the name, and if you do not have a daughter at any point (I sincerley hope you do, however), you can simply continue to hold a special place in your heart for your grandmother. I myself one day hope to have a daughter who shall take me grandmother's first name as her middle name: Bridie ELAINE(pronounced A-laine). I've always felt such an attachment to my grandmother that it feels natural to do so, so in that way, I understand where you are coming from. I wish you all the best and hope that this problem sorts itself out A.S.A.P. I also wish that one day you and your husband will be blessed with a child.

Answer 7

I understand your feelings and you do have a right to feel any way you happen to feel, but you're right in that you can't tell her what she can or cannot name her children. Is her husband your brother or is she your husband's sister? Maybe you could talk to your husband or brother (whichever is connected to her) about it and get some more input. They might also be able to let her know of your feelings without you having to confront her. It may be important that she know your feelings to preserve your relationship, but at the same time she needs to be free to decide on a name for herself.

There is no reason why two people cannot have the same name. There are tons of people walking around with the same name as I have (including my sister-in-law), and I don't feel that it's any less mine. It doesn't affect my life one bit.

You have valid feelings and should share them without trying to influence your sister-in-law's decision. It's important for her to know that you are having a rough time and it's important for you to be happy and supportive of her. Save your family relationships and cut the resentment.

Answer 8

Firstly, I'm very sorry that you are dealing with infertility, my heart goes out to you. That alone creates a lot of stress and anxiety for you. The fact that you are upset about your SIL wanting to use the name you would like to name a daughter someday is not surprising.

I wish I could advise something. Unfortunately, your SIL has every right to name her baby whatever she chooses. You could always speak to her and tell her what your plans are, to eventually name your baby girl, if you have one, that name.
There really is nothing wrong with both children having the same name, that happens in many families.

I wish you all the best and hope that you find yourself oneday holding your own little one.

Answer 9

You are going through a very emotional time, you have every reason to be upset. The soulution is simple. Talk to her. Tell her that you are having firtillity issues and that you guys have picked names for your future children, to give you some hope and that is one of the names. Tell her you feel bad asking her to not use it because she is already expecting a girl but let her know. If she dosnt know, and uses that name then finds out later she is going to feel bad, and probibly question why you didnt come to her. As long as you dont attack her it should be fine.

Answer 10

Something similar to this happened to me. My son was already born, though, and my brother's wife was thinking about naming her baby my son's name. I found out through my mother about this, and it really angered me. I saw no reason why in the same family they couldn't be more original. I told my brother I didn't like it because my son's identity was already linked with that name in our family. They did end up choosing another name, but I think they thought I was overreacting.

I would just approach your brother and explain that you had your heart set on using your grandmother's name. Just explain the situation calmly. The ball will be in their court, and then they will either show consideration for your wishes or they'll disregard them. Maybe they weren't aware you were hoping to use that name. If they do use it, there's nothing that says you can't use it, also, or you could maybe use a variation of the name.

I wish you well and hope you get your baby girl soon.

Answer 11

Next time you are with her, and talking about her baby, say something like "Yes, we are trying to have a baby ourselves. WE are really hoping for a girl so we can name her after my grandmother, ______. Let's hope this all works out, because I really want to honor my grandmother after all of my struggle of fertility."

Don't mention how you both want the name, becuase that could lead to an argument. Just tell her that you are looking forward to naming a future daughter after your grandmother.