I have a close girlfriend who was married about 5 months ago. She is 25. Her husband is 55. About a year ago, she ended a 2-year long relationship with a married guy who is about 35 years older than her. She hasn't stopped talking to him since they broke up and she still tells him she loves him. I've talked to her about this and can't seem to get an answer that makes any sense. That's why I'm posting this question to see what others think. The guy she is married to has tons of money, which he spends on her lavishly, they live in an expensive house, and he treats her well. Quite honestly, I think the fact he is well off played into her decision to marry him because she is very insecure and wanted someone to take care of her. Her ex-boyfriend, although he was in a bad marriage, wouldn't leave his wife to commit to my friend. I think she is playing with fire maintaining strong feelings for the ex. What do others think is going through her mind? I can't figure it out.
2007-11-18 01:59:39 · 17 answers · asked by Tiger 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Maybe she loves them both.
She may have loved her married man but was probably lonely and by marrying someone that can take care of her she can get all the attention when she wants it - but if she still loves her ex then she can still spend time with him.
Seems she is attempting to get the best of both worlds (someone to be with when she is lonely and someone to be with that she loves.)
Though most assuredly it is going to end badly and probably several people are going to be hurt.
And I don't blame you for not understanding her motivation, in my experience if you do not cheat, it is impossible to understand those that do. Its just a completely different way of thinking. I really hope it won't end as bad for your friend as it seems it will.
2007-11-18 02:04:52 · answer #1 · answered by Harley 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your friend is having some issues if she is going for men that are so much older then herself. It can happen and it can be real love. By what your saying, this is not the case.
What was her family life like? Sounds as if she is lacking the support/encouragement we all get when growing up. To marry someone for money only gets you material things and not the deep love she deserves.
She needs some counseling on her current marriage and the man that she is stringing along. It sounds like at the moment it is a recipe for a love- triangle disaster!
2007-11-18 10:06:45 · answer #2 · answered by Ro 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she wants a sugar daddy. that's why she married this 55 year old guy. she wants someone to take care of her but she broke off the relationship with the married guy because he wouldn't leave his wife. playing with fire still maintaining strong feelings for the ex? i don't know. you don't say that she is still seeing him on the sneak, just that she still talks to him and she still loves him. that may be very well so. i give her points for leaving the ex because he wouldn't leave his wife to commit to another woman. but then again, everybody has a motive for what they do. he may not want to leave the marriage because it will cost him something tangible, like half of his assets. what may cause me a little concern is if she is seeing the ex behind her husbands' back and he finds out about it. we don't know what type of guy his is. like, is he the jealous type, prone to violent outbursts, physical manifestations of violence, that kind of thing...in time she'll get over the ex, it's a stage. she knows that he is not going to leave his wife for her and that's helpful. in the end, that's what will move her to the point where she can give up the connection to him. but it can't be denied. she may, though, jeopardize her marriage over her feelings, but like you said, she is insecure and wanted someone to take care of her, that's why she married Mr. Deep Pockets. it's difficult though, because we don't really know the ins and outs of her relationship with Mr. Well Heeled. only time will tell how things will turn out. we shall see if love wins out over money.
2007-11-18 10:22:16 · answer #3 · answered by thecatmama 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that she made her bed by getting marrried to the Grandpa! She is a nasty girl to have ever been involved with a married man the Man will never leave his wife for her she is just a peice that makes him feel good because she is young! I guess she shouls just kick back and continue being a spoiled scandalous hoe buy her "Present Husband" :) She needs to stop having contact with the other man she can destroy two marriages if she doesn't!
2007-11-18 10:45:09 · answer #4 · answered by Amberlyn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do I think? I think this is what happens when fathers walk out on their children, and little girls grow up and become women with MAJOR daddy issues. I think your friend should get a job, stop dating married men, try settling down with somebody her OWN age to live life with, and quit pretending to be something she's not.
2007-11-18 10:06:09 · answer #5 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but your friend is F'd up....don't ever try to figure out what is going through messed up peoples' heads. Just start a hobby or something to take your mind off of it.
2007-11-18 10:04:15 · answer #6 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now you are beginning to understand how guys think. That is a scenario of half of the complaints of women about guys on this forum.
2007-11-18 11:15:28 · answer #7 · answered by bocasbeachbum 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her make her own decisions. She has her daddy to take care of her. He is waaaaaaaaay too old for her. Is she trying to pull an Anna Nicole?
2007-11-19 01:01:34 · answer #8 · answered by Bree 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's a user and needs to be found out about her calls to her ex. Her husband deserves better than her.
2007-11-18 10:11:42 · answer #9 · answered by sassywv 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well it is wrong.. but there isnt much u can say to her to change her ways. maybe one day she will see it on her own. and honestly i know ur trying to be a good friend but be careful cause she may decide u r in her business to much.. and u might lose that friend.
2007-11-18 10:05:57 · answer #10 · answered by lilrebelbabe1986 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋