my usband and i had been together for 4 years, but her mother and sister still find it hard to accept me in their family, we've moved out of the house just to get away from them but still they haunts me and still is trying to ruin me... they've said bad things about me to their relatives and some of them had confronted me already... i cant seem to understand why especially my sister in law hates me... she do bad things and blames it on me.. and still she becames the victim not me... honestly i dont want revenge on her and haven't tried coz i still believe in karma. i've confronted them already on not to blame things on me instead they took it the wrong way... help me,,, i'm thinking of leaving my husband just to get away from them, my husband helps me with my problem but he ends up in trouble, i dont want to get him hurt again or to turn him against his family...what shall i do to end up this tormentation made by conceited people...
2007-11-18 01:56:33 · 6 answers · asked by zoe 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You just need to do all that you can to keep yourself above reproach from his family so that you continue to receive your husband's support. Make sure that your feelings towards his family are clear so that you don't have to be placed in more situations than absolutely necessary that you have to be involved with them. It is absolutely imperative that you keep your husband's support so that it doesn't create a problem between you 2, but other than that, just live your life for you and him, not his family and don't worry about what they say. It's very hard to do, but it goes back to the thought of "Don't sink to their level."
2007-11-18 02:04:26 · answer #1 · answered by ♀Redheaded Sunshine☼ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The answer to this is that people can only interfere in your lives if you let them. If you set a boundary and a limit with people then they will know the rules and expectations that they should have.
If you for example make it clear that they are not to badmouth you and your husband in your presence or give you unwanted advice and you both stand together and make this clear then they should respect you for your wishes.
If family cannot abide by the rules you have set in your relationship/marriage then these are toxic people and I would remove yourself from them. Life is too short for toxic people.
Now, I know you don't want to cut him off from his family and that is not your place, but if it gets to the point that they interfere then you can sit down and arrange a game plan with your partner about how you will handle things. He may want to visit the family on his own, or if you both go together than you discuss how to back each other up as a UNIT when people are inappropriate.
If a partner is unable to back you up and is weak at expressing his protection of you then you know that this may not be the person for you.
The first thing that you need to do though is set a clear boundary for those outside of your relationship so they know where the line is.
:) good luck.
2007-11-18 02:06:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you leave him that will only add to their joy. Just stick it out and hopefully it will work itself out. I have had some similar issues but things are good now. And on occasion things get a little wonky. BUt once they know that you are there to stay then they will eventually back off. It is good that your husband is supportive. BUt next time tell them is this how you are going to treat me in front of any children that we have? And tell them that if that is the case they will not be seeing them. How long have you been married? And it does take time to get things rolling once you are married. Getting things together and getting used to being married. Hope you have good luck with this in the future.
2007-11-18 02:06:46 · answer #3 · answered by ldygdva757 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My family also had difficulty accepting my wife. She was from the "wrong side of the tracks" in their minds, especially my mother. The snide comments went on for years and did cause difficulty in our marriage. What solved it? Me. I gave my family an ultimatum...I made it clear to them that my wife was my priority and either they accept my wife or I was out of their lives, period. After that, things began improving. Visits remained tense for quite a while, but continued to improve. Now years later, my brother's wife and my mom had a falling out and no longer speak, but my wife and mom have grown to be close friends. Go figure.
Point here is...you making a stand will not have any effect on your in-laws. Your husband has to draw the line with them and enforce it.
2007-11-18 02:12:00 · answer #4 · answered by Scorpio 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Stick with your husband and tell his family to back off and go to hell. Your husband should stand by you even if it means he has to turn against his family. That is what a married couple does. Who pays your bills and stuff? Not his family. Who matters the most to you? Not his family but your husband. It is hard to do, but you have to tell them to stay away from you. (smile)
2007-11-18 02:04:42 · answer #5 · answered by Fergy 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
your "usband" is a she? Confusing!!!!!! And may I suggest using spell check and taking a community course in grammar.
2007-11-18 02:06:46 · answer #6 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋