Is my daughter a victim of bullying?

Question

My daughter is 15 and hangs around with other teenagers, both girls and boys. For the last month she has been getting excluded from the group, ie. not being invited up town, or to sleepovers. She has been told by a girl within the group that "nobody likes you, just go home" and so my daughter just leaves, upset obviously. She has been called nasty names by her "best friend's" little sister and because of this she has not been invited round to her "best friend's" house because her little sister doesn't like my daughter, but this is where the rest of the gang are hanging out. She has been threatened when she has done nothing wrong. She has had nasty comments left on her bebo account and this morning she received a really nasty text from her "best friend's" little sister putting her down. She has been excluded all this weekend from them. It all gets sorted out, and then two days later it all starts up again. Her "best friend" has told her she is not being bullied?!?

She started her Standard Grade prelims last Friday and I am worried this will affect her marks. I went round to her "friend's" house this morning to speak to her mother about it, but she wasn't in, so I am not sure if this was a good thing to do, but I was so upset about it all, and being a former victim of bullying myself from my school days, it has just brought back all the feelings. Maybe I shouldn't go to see her "friend's" mum because this girl has since said in a text that she wants to be true friends with her now because I have been to her door, but I think she is just afraid of getting in trouble. I feel like a really weak person just now, it sucks, and if I am feeling like this, my daughter must be feeling so much worse. She is my only child and sometimes I feel I interfere too much, asking too many questions.

Answer 1

Bullying is bullying when the action is sustained over a period of time - not just a one off. So yes this does look like bullying. Bullying does not have to involve physical aggresion. The mental bullying your daughter appears to be suffering can be just as bad, if not worse.

Answer 2

She is very clearly a victim of bullying. I think it is time she changed her circle of friends and that she talks to her so called best friend and points out factual information about how she has been treated and how this makes her feel. If her friend is truly a friend she will understand and support her. I do feel it is sad when they get to this age parents really cannot do a lot to help sort this out. As at this stage they are alright set in the type of adult they are going to become. I also think it is wrong that your daughter should have to leave the group. But unless it can be sorted out and the trouble maker be made to stop this which is highly unlikely then she really has no choice but to changer her circle of friends. I know for her this is probably easier said than done. But I am sure there are different groups in local leisure centres or churches which she could start to attend which might help her to make new friends. I hope you get it sorted. I know how heart breaking this can be.

Answer 3

With population increasing there are some social pressures that are making life more difficult for all. Traditionally we see this great land as the home of the brave and the free but more and more young people are becoming mentally ill. Mental illness starts as a social disorder. The best we can do for our children will still be challenged by realities. Some people form secret groups for social power. They have only to have the adults teach them the games people play. Legal bullying has been there forever. Maybe a sit down time to discuss the danger of trying to please the crowd has come. Your daughter is intelligent enough to see this. If she continues to seek membership in the winner's circle will prove depressing. She has to learn this.

Answer 4

Im so sorry to hear this the exact same thing happened to my daughter. Whatever you do dont stop asking questions your not interfering your protecting her.Keep her away from these small minded bullies i know its hard but she will thank you in the end. My daughter started self harming because of this, Thankfully she now as some lovely friends and is happy.Poor girl must really be hurting inside. I wish you all the best with this problem take care. x

Answer 5

It certainly seems so, and you need to get involved before other problems begin to manifest themselves. You can't very well make her peer group behave better towards her, but you can take her places and involve her in activities that give her a better sense of self so that she doesn't internalize the crap she's receiving from this group of people. A person with a strong self-image is very difficult to bully. Bullies thrive on people they perceive as "weaker" than themselves. When that dynamic no longer applies, the bullying vanishes, because being a bully is a cowardly endeavor...they seek out the path of the least resistance. Help your daughter be extremely resistant (without resorting to anti-social behavior). Good luck to you both.

Answer 6

Yes she is and I think that you need to report it.

Its Cyber Bullying and you can report them for the text messages and the bebo account. They can stop them. You can also report it to the police under harrassement. And they can do something about it. I got them involved when it happened to my daughter.

If you do and do not get anywhere email me and I will tell you the steps. Or contact Bullywatch the web address is below.

Tell your daughter she is worth a million of them and they are not worth it. Try and find some new friends.

I hate bullies because they are cowards.

Your daughter deserves better than this and it her so called best friend needs to be told that it is bullying.

Answer 7

Yes she is,bad text and the Bebo comments are there to read, poor thing I went through this with mine and its not nice! I went through all the proper channels and even now 1 year later now and then have to go through things my way as it still kicks off now and then. Chances are your Daughter has or is something they are jealous of, yet you saying this is of no comfort to your Daughter. I'm a strong believer in every worm turns, it gets to a point where the victim has enough and one way or another puts a stop to it! Tell your Daughter to keep her chin up and smile at them dont let them see they are wearing her down!

Answer 8

It's bullying for definate. A similar thing happened to me when I was a teenager. If any of the group are at you daughter's school then getting in touch with a teacher and/or the school's anti-bullying organisation is a step you could take.

Answer 9

It is bullying & it sounds like she needs to get some new friends. I think teens can be the worst kind of bully & often for no reason. I'm sure your daughter is a lovely girl, tell her to stay strong inside & break away from these people, they're not friends at all.

Answer 10

this can put alot of strain on a young person. It is not fair. You need to have a word with her mother. How can her little sister do this? How dare she?!? someone needs to sort out that little rascel. How old is this lil girl? why should she not be included? a girl from the group said that she wasnt liked by no one either? how dare she either!?! she probably the one insecure. I think your daughter needs to find REAL friends. I feel sorry for her. i wish things get better for her.