Do things ever truly get better?

Question

After finding out that my ex wife was having an affair then splitting up cause she stated that she was unhappy for years and used the old cliche "I love you but not in love with you" does life ever get better? I constantly try and close off what has happened and move on but its always there. I'm in a new relationship now and things are going great but just need to forget the past but can't. Any advise?

Answer 1

First off, I'm sorry you had to go through that. Secondly, try not to think about it too much. I find that when thinking about someone, especially someone you've had some sort of strong relationship with, thinking about them makes it worse as memories of loved ones are always glamourised. You just remind yourself of what was and that's not good if you want to get better and move on. Think positive - don't think about what you could have done better. Think of it this way, it's her loss and now you're moving on to someone who probably does deserve you and wont ever cheat on you. I believe once you can thank her; for teaching you the pain so you can value the love you have with your significant other, then you'll be sure you've gotten through and over it.

Answer 2

Getting over a traumatic event such as you've experienced takes time, but recovery can be made if you'll allow it. Carrying the past around with us like so much unwanted baggage, drags us down and hinders our journey onwards. It's useful to have learned lessons, but only if we use that knowledge to strengthen our wisdom and make us better able to deal with any 'danger' signs that may arise in the future. In other words, the knowledge should be 'filed away' - we shouldn't carry it on our shoulder, making us pessimistic, cynical, and forever fearful. By doing this, we're allowing the partner from the past to taint all future romantic relationships. (In other words, controlling our love life). In addition, your new girl probably has a past of her own that she has had to 'let go' - most of us have! Maybe not a failed marriage, but a failed relationship. Don't hurt her by allowing your past experience to get in the way, because she hasn't done anything to deserve that. If your new girl is making you happy - enjoy, and let her know you're happy. Wishing you luck.

Answer 3

If you have built up a defensive wall against being hurt again it will take time to break that down.
Your new partner is NOT your wife, so don't think of her in the same way.
Through time you will learn to relax and trust again.
Not all women are unfaithful the same as not all men are.

If you don't then you will end up a lonely sad man.
Good luck and enjoy your new relationship for what it is and don't think of what MIGHT happen

Answer 4

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Answer 5

You would probably settle for some stability (at least in the short term). Life after divorce is a bear as you struggle to get back on your feet financially, deal with your trust issues, keep your rage tendencies in check, and attempt to keep baggage to a minimum so you can be "happy" again. I think things do get better eventually, but it's not a quick journey, and it's definitely not automatic. But it would be nearly impossible to get up everyday if I believed I was doomed from this point forward, so I mantain hope for the future. Never give up on yourself. Good luck to you.

Answer 6

hi there mate things do get better it is very important to forget the past or else it is always going to chase after you as i know i feel the same about my past you have a new relationship now and if you are happy you need to forget or go to counselling as i may have to or things will never stay right have you spoke to your partner about how you feel maybe she can help and support you as that is very important good luck mate you deserve to move on and have complete happiness. chin up.

Answer 7

Things will get better .when you realize that your ex is the 1 that screwed up your marriage , it freed you

Now this new realtionship if you do not get over your past it may effect your future , if you think this is the woman you shouldve been with in the 1st place you have to let the past go

Answer 8

Yes, I believe that things get better. I always believed in the saying that if you sow gold, you reap gold. So, if you live your life treating people the way you want to be treated and you don't settle for anything less than you deserve, I believe that it will come back to you.

In your case (like so many others), things may get worse and seem hopeless for awhile, but hang in there, don't lose perspective, focus on the most important things in life (like your health), and you're bound to attract positive things. Remember, there's always a reason for everything. Good luck.

Answer 9

Yes they do get better. I might suggest getting the book, the five love languages, it really sounds like, base on your statements that is what happened in your last relationship. Read this book, as it will help you in your next relationship!

I've personally read this book and it was quite an eye opener!

Answer 10

It will get easier but u wont forget. I'm kinda in the same boat. My bf broke up w/ me and we r still friends but i think hes mkaing it complicated and hes tell me i'm making my own misery. Anyhow the point is even though he makes me happy i know he doesnt feel the same, but i'd still like to hang out w/ him as friends, he feels i'm creepy and it makes him feel weird to hang out. we r both stubborn and wont give up and we get in a lot of fights bc either he doesnt understand, i dont understand or its jsut a lot of miscommunication. its still gonna happen unless we work on it. But will i forget him, no. Just work thru it. Time is supposed to heal all wounds.