How do I tell my partner his weight is worrying me?

Question

My partner is 18 stone and only 5ft 11in. I am a normal size and I am worried my partner will give himself a heart attack being this size. When I met him 10 years ago he was only 13 stone, but his weight has crept up, and now I just don't find him attractive anymore. This is really making me miserable. Yes I have tried talking to him, but he just loves cooking and loves his food too much. Last time I mentioned it, he just sulked for weeks! He is in early thirties. Any constructive advice welcome.

We are both members of a gym and I go weekly with our kids. I would say I am quite fit and healthy and try to encourage him to be. I can't get him to go to gym, he says its because of his hours at work. There is always a reason why he can't and it make me ill to see him stuff his face in the evening. I am definately not happy, it has been this way for nearly 2 years and our sex life has vanished completely!

Answer 1

be honest to him, dont put him down be postive, just be straight up with him it is the best way. tell him you situation how your not happy anymore and you would like to change some things

Answer 2

I am in the same situation now my b/f is only 21 5ft 4in max and he is 16 stone i have been so worried i have given him targets like if he gets to 14.5 stone he can have that new 32 inch TV he has always wanted and when he has got to 13 stone he can upgrade his computer. This works as its the things he wants the most and he is really working towards his targets, but i do have one condition he has to keep to the weight he cant just gain it again once he has his gear. Why dont you talk to him and she if you could do something like that.

My b/f loves his food but he knows if i am worrying about him in a medical way like that I am serious. Try it theres no harm in trying hun.

Goodluck.......

Answer 3

Just say "look fatty" this is how it is........Just kidding....That is definately a sore spot with people overweight, trying to tell them about it. You may have to leave him and divorce him if it really turns your stomach that much to watch him eat or to look at him and not to have sex with him. You are here on earth for just a little while and to be so unhappy when you don't have to be is ridiculous. He is not going to listen to you, or lose weight, or go to gym or anything but eat himself to death. Do you want to watch that? All these people are trying to give you advise but the truth is what it is. He is a pig and will not stop no matter what you do or say. So do what you want. Either leave and find a new mate or be miserable the rest of your life. (smile)

Answer 4

Sounds like either your husband has a food addiction (possibly connected with sugars) or he is seriously depressed. He could be both. Neither of these conditions will change regardless of what you say to him or what he hears/wants to believe. I'm afraid the only way to reach an addict is to cause them so much pain that they have to reform. The only way to treat depression is to seek professional advice/treatment. All you can do at the moment is set out the options for your husband and allow him to make the choice.
e.g. 1. Continue eating as he does and accept early death or divorce. (Yes I said the options have to be painful).
2. Explain the normal symptoms of depression - say you have noted them in him over the last couple of years. It is now having a detrimental effect on your feelings towards him and your desire to stay. If he acknowledges he has a problem ask that he seeks advice and agree to support him.

Answer 5

Has he been to the doctor lately?

Send him and have him ask about diabetes.

They will be very informative regarding the course he has set for himself.

How about, amputation, blindness, heart disease and circulatory problems? At the least sticking himself with a needle daily.If he enjoys his food I'd bet he also enjoys a touch of the wine as well. THAT all goes a way!
Yet right now it is all avoidable.

I'm 55 at present and have been through this routine. I'm currently on a low carbohydrate, low fat diet in an effort to get my blood chemistry back in order. I'm a lucky one, my doctor turned this around BEFORE the alternatives.

You might go get yourself one of the low carb diet books. Adkins works but South Beach is better. Sit down with your cook and plan a menu FOR YOURSELF and see if he bites.

It may be a situation where you want to do this for yourself and drag him along kicking and screaming anyway.
You will all feel better.

I do know that he will be very upset if you put his attractiveness in terms of his weight. I know why he sulks.
Try to use his health and having him around longer as a good reason.

email if you wish.

Answer 6

Ummmm. I put on weight similar to your story. You may like to tell your partner the following BUT my wife has no issue with my weight. Weight has nothing to do with you finding him attractive that's you ..
Weight is a contributory factor in serious heart problems, blood problems (diabetes), blood clots (embolisms), leukaemia (perhaps more likely if it runs in the family) and a few more .. So yes he should try to lose some weight but it will not be easy, losing weight is like stopping smoking, how do you eat less or eat less tasty food if that what you like.
He needs your support not criticism.
His health will defiantly suffer. Try to get him to get to a doctor for tests now, the doctor (if a good one) will tell him exactly the issues he faces and maybe can also offer some case studies.
We should remember that not all people are wafer thin, naturally bulky they put on weight easily.
Finally I hope that you take care of your weight as well otherwise he may not find you attractive as well.
Best of luck to you both.

Answer 7

He's just big-boned, that's just the way he is naturally. Cut out meat and desserts right away! That's what I do and I'm 6'1" 128 lb. and a size 1, cool huh? And you two can take walks and do fun stuff like walk around the mall for exercise, and substitute junk food with apples and such. Good luck!!! Oh and no soda, drink water or beverages with 0 calories, I do that too.

Answer 8

Don't make it about his weight.
He must know you find him less attractive and this will make him feel bad about himself.
Tell him you are worried he is comfort eating and you both need to be honest about how happy or unhappy you are in the relationship.
Tell him you want to get to know each other again and go for chatty walks away from the house.
Suggest a trip to the GP for you both to get a general check up and see what kind of changes you can make to lead a healthier life.

Answer 9

Ok, you have problems here. Sit him down and tell him everything you've typed above. Don't feel guilty or anything like that if he sulks - you love him and this is for his own good that you're telling him these things. I suspect that deep down, he does realise this himself though. It's not fair on you if your sex life has gone down the pan. You have to tell him how you feel about all this and make it clear that he has to change. I hope you get on ok and things change for the better. x

Answer 10

Dont sit him down or anything. Ask him how would he feel if you got like that. Then mention that you are a couple and as a couple you want to sort it out, maybe joining a gym or something like thatt.I understand how you feel and he feels becauce I started to get fat but I did something about it. Good luck

Answer 11

if talk doesn't work perhaps joint exercise will??
if you ask him to be your personal trainer and exercise with you so you don't give up? tell him you need his support and he'll join you for sure.

take charge of the groceries. Only buy healthy foods and products. he can still cook and eat, but only with the food you supply. if it's all fruit and vege with a LITTLE bit of meat and no carbs, he won't be gaining weight.

good luck mate.