my husband called me the n word should i stay married to him?

Question

i am a black female and i am married to a white man when he gets mad he calls me the n word he says he say things like that out of angry but when i get mad at a white person i never say racial things

Answer 1

If you divorce over "words" then you need to think about your staying power.

This is an issue, a big one, but you need to discuss, learn, set boundaries, and respect 'em .. that's what marriage is .. the rewards are SO sweet too

Also think if you have kids, it's hard enuff in a biracial marriage, let alone the father one too .. get all this clear and get those boundaries set!

Good Luck!

Answer 2

I'm biracial, my boyfriend of 3 years is white. He's been my best friend for 7 years, and I can honestly say, if he ever calls me a n*gg*r, I'd drop him like a bad habit. I've got friends of different ethnicities and been in arguments with them, and we've never called each other racial names, it's horrible and unacceptable. If he can't get mad at you, without getting racial, he's got a SERIOUS problem. Being mad is no excuse. Being that you are married, I don't know what to say. He knows he's devastating you, and I think it's so sick and wrong. How can a man disrespect the woman he loves? He really should be in counseling, he's got issues.

Answer 3

I wouldn't divorce his white *** straight away lol. Explain how you feel when he calls you that!
It is so WRONG! It makes you people of different races instead of a wife and husband! It's totally unnecessary. Try to explain to him when you are both calm how you feel about it. Request that when he is angry he says "I feel angry..." or "I feel ... " whatever instead of racial insults. He needs to tell you have he feels!! You are totally right for being mad at him!
He needs to know how wrong it is. There is never an excuse for racism. My boyfriend was filipino, but I didn't say "u effing asian" or whatever when I was mad at him! Talk to your husband. Explain how angry you feel when he calls you the n word. And Ask him to stop. If you keep asking, and he keeps doing it, time to melt the snow man.

Answer 4

I am amazed at how perfectly you have chosen your yahoo ID - "confused woman". You truly are. Unfortunately for your husband, your confusion has ruined his life. I hate women like you. I feel very sorry for your husband and in-laws. Why the hell didnt you refuse the marraige in the first place. You tricked your husband by not reveleaing your past with your bf. I can see that your marraige has not worked and from whatever little we know of you, i can guess it never will. So now, just a small request. Dont make this anymore difficult for your husband and in-laws. Just give him a divorce by mutual consent and let him advance in his life. As for you, you are headed for disaster anyways. The lesser the number of people associated with you, the better.

Answer 5

That's just not right! He's NO kind or a real man! How could anyone who says he loves you say something so demeaning? Good for you for not stooping to his level! He should be ashamed of himself! He gives all white people a BAD name! If I was his boss I'd straighten his *** right out quick! My first girlfriend was black and she was a great person, it took the U.S Army to seperate us. If I were you, I would tell him honestly that if he EVER calls you that again, you are filing for a divorce and getting the best lawyer you can get to clean his *** out and find a person who will see you as a wife and partner, not as his frigging whipping post. Give him Hell and Good Luck!!!

Answer 6

Just curious.

Did he ever use the n-word before you were married? If he did, why didn't you resolve it then?

However, one can't go back in time and change that. You have to deal with what you have now. You need to explain to him before you argue that calling you the n-word is unacceptable. If it bothers you that much, then you need to develop a strategy that you need to follow when he does this. (For example, the next time he calls you this, you say, "I'm sorry. I'm not going to stand here and be insulted, especially when I've told you that it bothers me." Then you take the car and leave for a few hours. Maybe when you return, the two of you can discuss things rationally.

I wish you well.

Answer 7

If your response to the words your husband call you are
disturbing because of the particular word, the problem is
with you. If the fact that you and your husband go through
behavior that is negative to your marriage, this is due cause
for marriage counseling.

The only reason for a divorce, is if the intentional actions of
a partner is meant to hurt the other party. "If the party doing
the hurting, does not understand the hurt they are causing,
or believe that the hurt is justified" - then divorce should be
considered.

First step is family counseling!

Answer 8

That is unforgivable! I can't believe he would treat you with such hate! I would never call one of my black friends that just because we were fighting. You need to sit him down & tell him that it is totally unacceptable. There are so many other ways to express anger. Saying the n-word is not one of them. I would have serious issues about being married to someone like that. I can only hope that kids are not involved! If so, I hate to say it, but I would definitely move on. Can you imagine having your kids hear their father call their mother that?? It's unfathomable!!

Answer 9

Wow. You should talk to him about that. No matter how mad he should NOT call you the N word.

When I get angry at African American people I NEVER had called them the N word. Wow.

Answer 10

Wow, I'm married to a black woman and I've never called her that or even entertained the thought of calling her that.