I have been in a relationship with a married man for almost 2 years, we have a baby, he says he loves me?

Question

i know that its wrong what im doing but i love him, he doesnt want to leave his wife because of everything they have(financially wise) when i got pregnant i told him i was gonna have an abortion but he didnt let me have one,his wife knows about us and i wont leave him,how long can i wait for him to resolve his problems with her or can i even expect something else from him? i dont know what to do anymore please help

Yes he is taking care of me and the baby, he gives me money for the rent and for the baby stuff, more than i would have expected him to do

Answer 1

Good for you I'm in the same situation but I don't have a child by him. I' going to stand by his side no matter what.

Answer 2

To me I am sorry for your baby. Rest all three are not good person.
1. You, because u are having an affair with a married man who is not sure till now if he will go for a divorce. Yes, you would have been a lil better person if you are sure that they are 200% going to get the divorce. But I dont think so in your case. You didn't prove yourself to be right and respected.
2. The wife, poor lady. After knowing everything what is she waiting for. She can see her husband having kids with a outside girl. I would never allow that person to have a little water even in my house. She is also another person who is not handling the situation correctly. But she may in future. She might give both of you a big blow, you never know.
3. The man, the real coward man. Why is he not sorting out what he wants. He can not have two woman and play easily with both of their lives. Think yourself, what you would have thought if one of your friend does that. How can you trust a person with such attitude. Yes, he should give money to you. You know why is he doing that, so that you will be silent and listens what ever he ask for.

Think wisely lady and never try to spoil someone's marriage. That is the lesson to be learnt for you.

Answer 3

Gee, not much information here. Is he caring towards you and the baby? Does he support you financially as well or gives you nothing at all? If the wife knows about you and still hasn't divorced him, then chances are she probably never will...unless she finds someone else as well. But even then, chances are that he probably won't be with you. They just don't leave their wives like that. I think you got the raw end of the deal.

All morality aside, I think you're being cheated out of this. He might really care about you, but not enough to leave his wife. If he really cared about you and not her, then I think he would have found a way out of his financial troubles with her. I'm not judging you...just giving my opinion.

Answer 4

well.....i cant even wrong u 4 who u fall in love with,something must have made u 2 stay together this long,he probably does care about you,the question is how much.i m in the same boat as u but i have no kids,from my view ,i think the bad part is,he verbaly told u that he is not gonna leave his wife,was this after or b4 u got pregnant?,if so then u already new your fait.waiting 4 your man to leave is not gonna happen.just 4 the plain fact that he already informed u of that.if he was telling u wait on him give him a chance he will leave, then i could say there is a chance.u cant b hurt or angry at anyone but yourself now.if u and the wife know about each other then she doesnt care and she is not gonna let you have him,you r not a threat 2 her and neither is your child. the wife probably knows wat she has and she is not gonna let him go.youve played a game where i think that u new u were not gonna win,not even your child gained u any points.people know in their hearts wat they can have and wat they cant.the only thing i could say is,either stay with him and share like u already r,or date other people. us as human beings r so afraid of change,we are so afraid of the what if 's,and that is what your man has said to himself, wat if u and him do not work then he looses everything he build with his wife,he is not ready 4 a change,so instead of being honest with himself he would rather b selfish and get u pregnant because he wants his wife and he also traped u into staying with him by getting u pregnant,but he is not all to blame with that one because as an individual, u chose to accept his greed by letting the pregnacy take place,it is your body and u knew if u dont protect urself u could get pregnant which makes me believe that u wanted the baby as well.he couldnt give u him,. so he left u with a gift "the baby". have u ever heard married men say "its cause of the kids y i not divorcing my wife",well ur pregnant,and not even the baby will make him stay with u, so u know its not about kids at all,its something deeper,if he said its the finances y he stays,then think about this, men associate money with love,so if he feel,js financially responsible 4 his real home then he loves his wife more than u, even if u chose to not stay with him ,do not b angry or hurt or even mad at yourself because the baby is here and it is your gift from god.if u know that he will not leave his wife 4 u then just say 2 him, because i love u so much i allowed u to impregnate me and i will have a beatiful child, and thank him 4 your child because in the end all u will b left with is your baby,be happy with your self and dont hate him or be spiteful to the wife or him, let him b a father,and try not to b too sad about your situation. life always goes on , this will make you stronger. maybe he s not meant 4 u but the baby was.make your choice,stay with him knowing he will not leave his wife or find somene 4 u who will b with u llike he is there 4 his wife,love did not prevail this time because it wasnt strong enough from him to leave. good luck and take good care of your baby .

Answer 5

If we love somebody ... we don't care anymore what will be the consequences lies ahead. He's married.... you got pregnant .... security ..... you forgot all about this... because of ... love.....

Damaged has been done and yet ..... you are still there .... waiting for ..... what?

Are you contented of what you have accomplished .... or what you have now? Up to when? Up to ... when he will leave you? coz... he's fed up of you or if he found somebody else? or he decided to stay with his wife for good?

Make up your mind. There still bright future for you and your baby. You are not alone in this world with that kind of problem. At the end... they got the solution. Don't waste your time too much. It will go nowhere. The fact that he is married .... he belongs to someone else. You have to understand that. He is comfortable living with his wife ... why he will leave her for you? Open your eyes that he is just using you as his ....part time ....for a change??

No matter what advice we'll give you... but ... at the end ... still you are the boss of yourself.... think about your baby.

Be brave.

Answer 6

Why don't you expect more out of life? You deserve a man full time who loves you and so does his wife. Situations can be complicated, although I would put a time frame on your situation improving. If it is still the same or worse in 6 months to a year, I would choose more out of life. Some men want the cake and eat it too because they CAN. Good luck!

Answer 7

NEVER ask him for anything, expect anything good to happen , or think his priority will EVER be YOU. HIS only concern is HIMSELF - always was, and always will be. He is a selfish materialistic egomaniac who has no respect for ANYONE other than himself. WHY should he CHANGE? If he DID, he would look like a fool giving up what he has for someone he just intended to play with - it was never supposed to go this far.

LOVE - you "love" this.... person. What about him is loveable - his selfishness, disrespect for his wife, dishonor of his marriage, the fact that he sleeps with more than one woman at a time and lives with another woman??? Girl!! WAKE UP!!

Sorry, but NEITHER of you has a CLUE what LOVE is. I feel so sad that you both were so careless in bringing a child in to this horrible mess.

Answer 8

"i told him i was gonna have an abortion but he didnt let me have one" What do you mean he didn't "let" you have one? Did he tie you up and hold a gun to your head? IF you were going to have an abortion you could have had one period. You weren't planning on having one. You planned on keeping the baby in hopes of him leaving his wife whom he OBVIOUSLY isn't going to leave and yeah right now while the baby is still a baby he is going to take care of it. But what happens in 18 years when this "baby" needs a college degree? Who is going to be paying then?

Answer 9

Maybe it's just the way you worded it, but you seem rather thankful that he's giving you money. It's his duty to provide for his child.

I'm sure he loves you, but unfortunately he does not love you enough to give up some money to make a total commitment to you and your child.

Two years has been more than long enough for him to figure things out. So far he's made his decision, he's staying with the wife purely for money. You and your child unfortunately mean less to him than his money.

Answer 10

... if he wanted to leave his wife he would of no matter what. his wife is letting him have his cake and eat it too . trust me, when and if she puts her foot down you will be the one left. I am sure of it. I am sorry to tell you that and I am not trying to hurt you at all. IF the wife is stupid enough to let it go on then she is at fault too. I just feel for the children. Take care and good luck!..

Answer 11

He's never going to leave his wife. He's just using you. Insist on child support from him, but do try to find a man who's available to you to have a real relationship with.