How do I get rid of these thoughts?

Question

I met my husband through his ex. They were engaged but she had a self discovery I guess and found out she was lesbian. She actually set us up for our first date. She's still close to my husband and they have a good friendship. anyway we got married and the whole thing and she was there throughout all of it very supportive. we're coming up on our 2nd year anniversary. My problem though is that recently this lesbian broke up with her partner and when that happened I started having sexual dreams about her. And these images stay with me and I can't get rid of them. She's never given me any reason to believe that she likes me or anything and I never had these kinds of thoughts about women before. I've been reading the bible again trying to keep my mind clear of these thoughts but they come back. I can't really discuss it with anyone since my husband is quite paranoid about gay things I think due to his break up. Help please!

Answer 1

I wouldn;t worry about it, as your brain is just worrying at it

Answer 2

Your doing the right thing by reading the bible and trying to stay close to God's word. Satan is the one tempting you. If you were to give in to this temptation...that is, if you had the opportunity, you could, not only ruin your life, but your husbands and possible his ex's as well. I love gay people, some good friends of mine are gay and although I do not support that lifestyle, I love the people. I am a christian and a lot of times satan tempts us with simalar "forbidden temptations" I have had simalar temptations myself. The best thing is just pray that God will clear your thoughts. It's one thing to dream about these matters, you can't control that, but if you catch yourself day dreaming, try to clear your mind. Another thing I heard on a talk show, was that if a woman didn't have a father figure or a close relationship w/ a father or mother they may be attracted to the opposite sex. I don't believe anyone is born gay, but I do think that people are easily and naturally attracted to the same sex...we are tempted with all kinds of forbidden things...the point is to stay strong and try and resist if the opportunity ever arises.

Answer 3

Don't worry about getting rid of the thoughts. If you have never had thoughts of feelings about women before, then I would not worry about it at this time. I think you are putting too much significance on it, and the more you worry about it being significant, the more it will cross your mind. It is kind of like being told not to think of the blue elephant in the corner, so once you are told that, you can't stop thinking about it. So relax, don't worry, it is no big deal, and eventually you won't be thinking about her. It sounds like you are religious and this is really against your beliefs. Because of that it is making the thoughts so upsetting, that it is putting more significance to the thoughts than then they deserve. As I said, the more upset you get about this, the more it is going to bother you, so the more you will think about it. Thinking something and doing something are two different things. For example, for some reason I may think about killing someone, but that does not mean in real life I would ever do it, and that does not mean I should be punished because I might, as it is just a thought. If I got upset about having the thought out of the blue, likely I would start to think about it even more. So please, you will be OK, don't sweat the thoughts. You might find some helpful information in a book about obsessive compulsive disorder. I am not saying that you have it, but what you are describing, having unwanted thoughts, sounds a lot like it (there are different "types" of this disorder, so some descriptions may not click with you), but it responds well to common sense thinking and also medication. I have a son who has having some difficulties with it, and he is doing very well. Good Luck

Answer 4

I have similar issues being an ex-porn addict. Not that I'm equating two mind you, but I see many images in my head every day that I don't want to. Just keep reading that Bible and pray pray pray. It's very natural for even straight women to have feelings for other attractive women, so do not let it trouble you. If you go to church, talk with an older woman at Church, you know, that crazy one that everyone thinks is oozing with common sense (every church has one). I sounds like this troubles you a lot. That alone should make any homophobia your husband has a moot point. I would be holding onto you like white on rice right now, and he should be too. As long as your not doing anything un becoming with her, there's no problem as long as you don't let it become one. Read a little Proverbs 31 and strengthen yourself up with it. I wish there was so clear a passage about how to be a husband somewhere (if there is, I'd love to know where).

Answer 5

You could talk to your pastor and maybe try to get some help thinking about what being a lesbian means in the long run in your life. In the short run, it's just a fantasy that adds some spice to your love life, since it is 'forbidden fruit' and exciting in a pornographic kind of way. You and your husband could try to spice up your sex life in different ways and trying new things in bed, maybe. Or even having sex more often.
The thing is - and this is very important - thinking about women doesn't make you a lesbian. In fact, thinking is never the same as doing. You know what you want to make of your life. I'm pretty sure that you know lesbianism is not a part of it.

Answer 6

Speak to a counsellor if you are concerned and do not feel comfortable speaking to your husband. It is probably a sore topic for your husband.

By the sounds of it, I don't think you are a lesbian. Perhaps at most you may be bisexual but that doesn't mean you are no longer attracted to your husband.

It's just a dream. I have read scientific reports that say most people are bisexual even if it is just mildly.

A few years ago I was quite attracted to one of my female friends and I got over it. I still believe I'm straight.

I think the reason you may be thinking about it is its a forbidden topic. If you were not so against it perhaps it wouldn't play on your mind so much.

I am not entirely sure, but I think it is the actions and not thoughts that are condemned by your religion. You have not done anything wrong.

Answer 7

i don't think you are having an identity crisis if you are gay or not. You are just afraid that since the lesbian and your husband had a history she may attract him again now that she's again single. It is not about you, it's about your husband and her finding solace in eachothers arms especially now that she just broke up with her ex. Share your thoughts with your husband little did you know he can help you clear your mind with this.

Answer 8

I think the first step you might want to try is accepting these thoughts, not necessarily trying to suppress them because suppressing a thought is much harder than dealing with it and in the long run your health would be better for it. You should take the time to explore your dreams and your feeling as to what this could mean to you without relying on some preconceived notion of what other might think. If it really bothers you tis much you might want to find someone else to talk to about this: a friend, a therapist, someone willing to listen and not be judgemental.

Answer 9

It does seem odd for this to happen. Dreams can be strange and very often are dumping grounds for things that are "cluttering" our subconcious, at other times they are meaningless to us. There are dream interpretation websites, but who knows how accurate that is?
Are you sure you aren't attracted to her in some way? I doubt that anyone is completely heterosexual, it's possible to feel a certain amount of attraction for the same sex in certain situations. even though you don't want to have intimate relations. It is also possible that people desire both sexes as I am sure you know. I can't tell you what is going on, but it obviously is bothering you so maybe you should talk to a trained professional to see if they have any insights.

Answer 10

First, religion is not the answer to homosexual thoughts, especially by women. Bible thumpers still believe it's a choice when in fact, it is not. Statistically, almsot all women are capable of being bisexual to some degree and your thoughts are probably nothing more than fantasies. Most women have fantasized about other women at some point. If you know you could never actually act on them, then you are not gay and they are merely your erotic imagination at work. If you think you could act on them, see a therapist to help you determine if you really are gay. There is nothing wrong with being gay or being straight and yet still fantasizing about women.

Answer 11

You are doing the right thing Remember thaat was why Sodom and Gomorrah were destoyed because of the sexual perversion. Look up 1Corithian6:9-11, Ephesian4:17-24,1Timothy 1:9-11 . Hope this helps also dont feed into Satans trap.