Can We (me and my husband) ever work it out and get past all the pain?

Question

So much has happen during our marriage and yet I still cant let go, This probably makes no sense. But my heart loves my husband 4 life. He was just remanded thursday for a criminal case (theft). The history of us goes like this in 94 we met we fell in love, he started doing drugs was a drug dealer, had a gf that he told me he had broke up with and of course I believed it because she was gone for months and I went to his moms house and he stayed with me so I had no reason to believe otherwise. He got caught slippin and was getting really weird his drug use got worse he was livin to lives plus the drugs I was pregnant it was hard he would like and lie and I knew it ws guilt that made him so ugly I watched him go down the hill, its hard to watch someone you love loose themselves. Biut he didnt get rid of one of us he tried to manage it, of course he could not. the ***!!! Instead he steals a car goes to prison fo r 6 years. We are married I have the baby 2 days after his bday.

Answer 1

There is help and hope, but not unless you are willing to walk away.

Drugs are an addiction, and an addict cares for nothing as much as he cares for his addiction.

As long as you are willing to stay and put up with his addiction, he has no incentive to change, and will not change.

If you put your foot down and tell him you are leaving unless he takes concrete steps to change (i.e. therapy, no contact with former drug acquaintances, no taking, using, or selling drugs, etc.) and then stick with your guns, he will do one of two things. He will either do everything in his power to keep you, or he will let you go.

If he lets you go, be thankful that he's been honest with you and let you know that drugs are the most important thing in his life. That tells you that he's not worth your time and effort, and you are free to heal, get over him, and make the best life possible for you and your baby.

In the end, you can only control yourself and your own behavior. It's a matter of you having enough love, honor and respect for yourself to decide what you ARE and what you AREN'T willing to live with. And once you make those decisions you have to be willing to follow through and walk away if necessary.

He has no incentive to change as long as he's still getting everything he wants, which is drugs AND you.

Best wishes to you, I hope this helps. In all things, remember that your baby is helpless and depends on you totally. If you can't do the right thing for yourself, please do it for your child.

Answer 2

You are in for one hell of a hard life if you stay with him. What do you mean by, can we (me and my husband) ever work it out and get past all the pain? He is the one who has cause you nothing but pain so why would you even care about what he is going through. My god girl this man is bad news and if you want to bring your child up in a decent home with love and stability you better forget about him.
I have been where you are i married someone just like your husband he cause me nothing but trouble and alot of heart ache. Thank god he did go to jail because i probably would still be with him and have nothing. I remarried have a wonderful husband who spoils me rotten and a great son by him. Sometimes love isn't enough and from the sounds of it your husband wouldn't know the first thing about it because he is to damn selfish to think of anyone else but himself.
I know i am wasting my time trying to put some sense into you but you never know i could get through to you.

Answer 3

First, congratulations on the baby! And on getting married! Unfortunately, your husband has to do the time because he did the crime (and got caught) & especially having to be away from U and the baby. Maybe with counseling help & over time he'll learn to A) grow up; B) learn his lesson; C) realize that being a father is a more important role in life than anything he can choose on his own; D) understand that if he falls backwards, he can lose it all -- his life, his baby, you & his freedom. God bless you & the baby -- I truly wish U only all the best of luck in your family's future!

Answer 4

by the sounds of it he will never be able to change although some people can make that transition form drugs he sounds like he wont do it also because he is in jail its more tahn liekly going to make him a more bitter person, think about your chil is this how you want your child be raised up in, move on and get some help you dont need a loser like him in your life nor and most importantly your childs...are you on drugs too if so stop it will be very hard but its not just you anymore . like they say a leopard cant change its spot!

Answer 5

If you want to put up with that for the rest of your life? Sure. What in the world attracted you to a drug dealing male skank in the first place?? I may sound harsh, but seriously, why bother. There are too many good men in the world for you to have to put up with this. I don;t know. I'd suggest separating and seeing if he can stop all that nonsense, if not divorces are real cheap these days.

Answer 6

If he changes for good then of course both of you can get past the pain together. But if he doesnt then its better that you leave him. Such a dad will be a bad influence to the child. You would not want your kid to be like him right? We parents always want the best for our kids. So we gotta choose the right path so that our kids will get the best out of it.

Answer 7

It all depends on if he can learn to love himself. Seems to me you have worked it out fairly well for your own mind and heart. You know what you want. But he seems to still be a small boy.

I do not know how to help you except to say you are keeping your vows, woman, in good times and in bad.. in sickness and in health. I am proud of you and your mom for teaching you to be so strong. I would bet you probably had no idea you were as strong as you are..

God bless you.

Answer 8

I did not even have to read everything you wrote to know you are doomed to a drama filled relationship and life as long as this guy is a part of your life.

If you love drama, stick around. But don't blame anyone but yourself for the path your life takes.

Answer 9

No. Sorry.