Our baby girl is now 5 months old, two months ago we relocated and we both started new jobs. My husband is a manager at a restaurant. Lateley he is very disintrested in our lives. The restaurnt closes at 11 and he comes home at 1 every night. He is rude to me all the time, and he does not help at all with our baby. Every morning I wake up alone at 5 and look after her while trying to get ready for work, he refuses to get up as he says he is tired. But he is not tired to go out after work, he has every second weekend off and i work from monday to saturday i only have sundays off, he wont even take her for two hours so I can get some rest. I also found porn in his briefcase and cath him at nights watching it on tv, ive shouted cried and pleaded but he keeps going on as if he is the victim. He says he never goes out, but i have never been anywhere since our daugter was born. Does he have a girlfriend?
2007-11-17 17:01:57 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Trust your gut on this. Do some investigating, expect the worse and prepare for it. When I found out my hubby had a mistress (I had a 3 month old at the time and your "red flags" are exactly the same as mine were), I immediately kicked him out. In retrospect, it would have been better to have planned my actions and gotten actual proof to take to court so I could get a quick divorce. Good luck and if the s**t hits the fan, try to remember that no matter what you decide, you WILL be able to get through it if you focus on your baby girl. She needs you.
2007-11-17 18:11:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the first answerer. If he doesn't have a girlfriend then he certainly has someone or something else occupying his time and mind. I would have initially said he was working too much and was just tired, but you mentioned that he goes out after work. He is not treating you right and he is not treating you with respect. YOU JUST HAD HIS CHILD for heaven's sake. He should be doting on you and her and making sure that you are happy, comfortable and content. I tell you what.....If your intuition is telling you that he is doing something wrong then he probably is. Never ever ever underestimate the power of female intuition. If your gut instinct is telling you that he is doing something wrong or feeling a certain way about you and the baby then you are probably right.
If you have family and/or friends in your area then get a sitter and have a girl's night out. It sounds like you are in majoe need of some YOU time. If you aren't the type of person to go out for cocktails and such then have a Sunday dedicated to pampering yourself. Go shopping, take a trip to the salon, get your nails done....do anything for yourself. You deserve. My goodness you deserve it. You're a new mom working 6 days a week. Does this man not realize how lucky he is? If I were you I would attempt to discuss this issue with him. If he is not willing to talk about it or make some changes then I think you should consider moving on. I mean, this man has proven to you that he can be a real heartless, non caring jerk. Ya know? He is not giving you what you need and deserve and thank goodness your baby is too young to realize that her father pays her no attention and would rather spend time away from her than with her. If he does not change leave his @ss! You deserve better. You need to investigate about the other woman scenario as well. I mean do some digging. Spy on him if you have to. I am tellingyou...........the simple fact that you asked the question "does he have a girlfriend?" proves you have your doubts. Talk to him and go from there. Remember though, that you do not have to take any sh*t off of this man. Oh, and do not allow him to play victim and turn this around on you. He is the one who is doing wrong............NOT YOU! Good luck!!!
2007-11-17 17:35:00 · answer #2 · answered by whatshername 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may be having problems at the restaurant he is not telling you about since I can see the restaurant closing at 11:00 and it taking two hours to get all the customers out and do paperwork.
You need to see if he will go to counseling with you to get the marriage back together. Perhaps you can get a baby sitter on the Sundays he has off and the two of you do something together. I doubt that he has a girl friend but may be just not as concerned for you as he should be and perhaps even depressed about how life is going on the new job.
You might even come out and ask him if he wants a divorce and either he will say he does or hopefully will realize that you are not happy and agree to the counseling. If he does say he wants the divorce you may be better off without him considering how he is treating you now and although it may hurt, you will then be able to find someone more concerned with your feelings as well as his own. Good Luck to you!!
2007-11-17 17:38:51 · answer #3 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like he does. sometimes when a person is cheating they'll start resenting the person that they should love the most. He needs to be accountable for where he is after work and why he doesn't come straight home like normal fathers and/or husbands do. by him playing victim that could be him trying to take the spot light off of him and put it on you.
That's horrible for him to be doing but if you don't do something drastically to make him realize what he has and what he'll lose, he wont stop and things will more than likely get worse.
I know it's hard, good luck and god bless
I hope you have family and friends that you can talk to about what's going on. Maybe his family can help you by talking to him about the harm he's causing his family.
2007-11-17 17:14:33 · answer #4 · answered by TM25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave his @$$ you'll be better off with out him. . .it's like you're single already imagine watching your beautiful little girl all on your own (like you already do) and working but now without the STRESS!!! And not to mention a check every month for child support :) I know it's hard but i can tell you from experience that another man IF you choose wisely will love and take care of you and your baby more than the biological father.
2007-11-17 17:23:20 · answer #5 · answered by Sweet.Milf3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IF HE AINT GONNA LOVE YOU, THE WAY YOU SHOULD THEN LET IT GO. That is from Keisha Coles Song. I spent 7yrs, with a man- that I didn't loveno less, for my kids sake. Gets worse everyday. Tried everything, counseling, etc. Your case may be different, but if its that far, it wont get better-for a substantial period of time. Be smart, put away a nest egg, just in case.
2007-11-17 17:14:59 · answer #6 · answered by me 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, your husband has a crappy job, a wife and a baby. he just feels overwhelmed. Men are like a cup of water. NOT DEEP!
Relax, chill out. stop yelling at him like he is a child.
P.S. all men watch porn, it not an reflection on you, it just you are yelling and screaming, and the women in porn are not.
relax, take a deep breath.
P.S.S.
MOST men do NOT help out with their children. forget what he said. He really has no clue what to do with her, but he will not tell you that, he just will not watch her.
I'm serious, just relax if there is one thing a man does not like is a clingy women. I know it hard, but we all have to do it. He will come around.
good luck.
2007-11-17 17:16:16 · answer #7 · answered by lynnn30 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he had a girlfriend he probably wouldn't need the porn.
I think you should try and remind him of what it was like to be in love. Take him out, do things he wants to do. MAKE time just for him. I know it's easier said than done, but it's a must.
2007-11-17 17:15:58 · answer #8 · answered by wxyz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds controlling you should go home! Be around people you can trust and can help you get back on your feet! Or you can follow your heart! If you feel you should stay then stay, if you feel you should go home then go home! If I were you my main concern would be for the babies! I hope this helps and good luck!
2016-05-24 01:28:30 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like it to me.
You need to find a sitter and see what he is doing after work.
Then you have to decide if you two can work things out.
2007-11-17 17:06:03 · answer #10 · answered by James Watkin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋