should i had made a big deal of this ?

Question

my husband is recently laid off from his job so i flip all the bills as well as cook,clean and tend to our kids . i went grocery shopping recently and got out the car with out any bags,once inside i told him he can get the bags out the car now he blew up at me and told me i think im queen sheba or something and i should had took a few bags out i told him since he is not working and bringing any money home he can at least bring in all the bags this was a very heated argument who is right me or him ?

Answer 1

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect him to help out with things around the house, with the groceries, shopping, and the kids while he's around. Regardless of whether he is employed or not, it is his house too, he eats the food, the kids are half his....there is no excuse why he can't help out even more now, as he should have been before, anyway.
If he has any respect or gratitude for you and your hard work, he would be jumping at the chance to help you out a little bit. If he is a gentlemen, and a loving husband, he's WANT to carry those heavy groceries in for you....maybe he has forgotten his husbandly duties in your marriage, and just what he has (you), and he needs to be reminded....
You are right to ask him to help...it's too bad that you even have to ask in the first place.

Answer 2

The reason he got upset isn't really the groceries and it's probably not the reason you got upset, either. Or at least not all of it. Many men get very depressed and angry when they aren't working. They feel as if they aren't doing enough for their family and liable to react very harshly to what they view as criticism. To have to help with the housework and chores you normally do is like a slap in the face to him. Try to remember that.
The truth is, you are right. If he is not doing anything else, he can certainly help around the house. Why should he not have to do ANYTHING? If he gets upset like that again, instead of rubbing it in that he isn't working, you might try saying something like, "Look. I know you're upset that you lost your job. I am, too. But taking it out on me when I didn't do anything to you isn't going to make anything better. I could use a little help around here and I'd really appreciate it if you could help me." Try to remind him that just because he doesn't have a job right now doesn't make him less of a man.
Good luck, this can be hard to get through.
(By the way, my husband works 12 hours a day at least 6 days a week and we go to the grocery store he brings them all in and puts them all away. Chivalry isn't dead. It's just not trendy.)

Answer 3

If being right is the most important thing to both of you in this, then you guys have some issues to sort out. If your husband got laid off through no fault of his own, you cannot hold that against him, unless he is making no efforts to find another job. Did you "tell" him to get the bags out of the car, or did you "ask" him if he could help get the bags out? Don't get me wrong, he should not call you names either, but it is rare when a heated argument is one person's fault. You both have some stuff to sort out.

Answer 4

It sounds like there is a power struggle between the two of you. He has probably had a huge blow to his self esteem since you are paying for everything, even if he doesn't realize it. It isn't so much who is right or wrong, it is the fact that you just weren't very courteous, and neither was he. Marriage isn't "let's make a deal". It's not a ....You didn't do this, so I won't do that, kind of thing.
It would seem a simple matter to help bring in the groceries, and it doesn't have anything to do with who is earning the money at the moment.

Answer 5

Your both wrong!! He was laid off from his job that wasn't his fault. Kinda seems from your question that your blaming him. As for him he should help you with anything and everything, if hes working or not!!! You need to try to pull together during this rough time. If you don't pull in the same direction you may fall apart. Stop throwing in his face that hes not bringing home a paycheck right now. Isn't he getting unemployment? If you are working full time he needs to help you with the cooking, cleaning and tending to your kids, just to lighten your job at home. Talk to him... pull together ... get thru this ... it can make you a stronger family, or rip you to shreds.

Answer 6

Both of you need a bit of attitude adjustment. Personally, I would have walked in with something, then asked nicely if he could help. If you asked him in a rude manner, implying he is obligated to bring in the groceries because he's not doing anything worthwhile, he is justifiably upset. Both of you need to work out the root cause. This is just one incident which brought all the tensions to the surface. You want him to get a job, he's probably depressed from losing one recently. You gotta work together on it. Start now.

Answer 7

WOW what a way to make your husband feel like crap.
How would you feel if you got laid off, and your husband had to work to pay ALL THE BILLS? Now, he is a Man, the person who society says is suppose to provide for his family, and he cannot not.
Dear your husband is depressed. b/c he feels like a little boy waiting for is allowance on Friday.

You were so wrong. He was Laid off, a place where he was working told him they did not want him any more. Do you know how hard it was for him to have to come home and tell you that? Weomen think men do not feel the same way we do, but they do.
Tell your husband you are sorry, buy him his fav beer, or get him something nice.

Answer 8

In a weird way both of you guys were right. I think this is probably a case of since he is not working you guys are having to spend way too much time together and every little thing the other one does is ticking the other person off. He should have gotten off his @ss to get the bags without having to be asked but it would not have hurt for you to grab a few bags as well.....tit for tat. Ya know? He does need to pull his weight around the house if he isn't working. YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING! In fact, since you are the only one working he should be carrying the responsibilities around the house. It is not right for you to work, pay bills and still have to come home to another full time job of housewife and parent when he is home all day. Actually, he really should not have said anything to you when you asked him to get the bags. He should have just gotten them, but since he did say something and a fight erupted it opened up this debate. I don't think you were wrong in getting upset, but I just think that out of common courtesy you could've grabbed a few bags. Anyway, with him not working he is probably feeling really sh*tty about himself and you are building up resentment at having to still do everything that you did while he was working and you guys are finding petty things to have huge fights about. So, I guess to answer your question I THINK that he should have just gotten the bags without having to be asked and without making any derogatory comments to you about anything and you should have just grabbed a couple bags on your way inside, but he was more in the wrong than you were. He also needs to pull his weight around the house and not expect you to do everything. Stay on his @ss about a job and about helping out. Who does he think he is King of Sheba???LOL!

Answer 9

You are both wrong.

You made him feel like a loser with your snotty remarks. Probably because you feel he should be helping more.

He was snotty to you because he probably does feel like a loser. And knows he should have a job. Men get laid off all the time and they get up and spend every daylight hour looking for work until they find it. If they really care about taking care of their family. They don't sit around doing nothing.

Tell him you are sorry and just eat the feelings. Then talk to him and tell him you are going to do everything around the house for the next two weeks so he doesn't have anything to worry about other than getting his sleep at night so he can look for work during the day. If he doesn't put forth any effort, give him a deadline to get a job or get out. You have kids to feed and they are his also and he needs to do his part in the workforce.

Answer 10

Oh yes, it is innocent when made by the great O'Bama but what about the comment Rush made? That wasn't even bad and look how that was blown up. Obama should be in the White House working, not going on comedy shows and telling unpleasant jokes.