I just got separated from my husband, and we will probably start divorce procedures early next year.?

Question

We have 2 kids together. I am a little worried about Christmas, should my kids give gifts to my in-laws or should my husband worry about that? How do other people in my situation share the kids during the holidays and other special situations? Thanks!

Answer 1

No matter what your feelings are about the in-laws, they will always be involved in the children's lives as grandparents. You are responsible to help nurture good relationships and teach your children the same. They should be involved with all family traditions, on both sides. The kids aren't divorcing anyone, you and your hubby are. The grandparents aren't divorcing the kids and I'm sure would want to continue a relationship with them until the children can decide for themselves or unless they are not good for the children.

Answer 2

I have been there and I still am. There is no fun way to deal with this. Just make it as fair and respectful as possible. You both want to be with your kids and your kids shouldn't have to be taken from traditions. I spend the holidays with my kids and my ex. These are easy sacrifices to make for the kids. They need to know that mom and dad may not be together like they were but you are still a family. The only other way is to flip a quarter. A judge does not know whats going on. He/she just throws out his opinion kids are not balls to be bounced around all day when ever a holiday comes around. As the years pass so will traditions. No mater what has happened between mom and dad you need to be mature enough to be a family.

Answer 3

Wow, you are worried about Christmas and not worried about how your 2 kids are feeling right now with their father out of the picture?? How sad. Can't you see that you and him have ruined their lives with the way you two acted? And you are worried about who should do what on Christmas.....your kids are another statistic because two people couldn't take their marriage vows seriously and make it work. Instead, they take the easy way out with divorce. Kids get hurt and suffer. Hope it was for a really good reason to want to divorce their father.

Answer 4

Normally let him worry abbout his side of the "family". BUT... if he is a jerk or just plain dumb about those things, he may not and then the kids feel bad..., so you might want to ask if they are giving Grandma . If they say nothing, ask him about it or help the kids out.

We split Chistmas into Christmas Eve and Christmas day. Every year we alternated who got which day. Other holidays were simply alternated.

Answer 5

If money is tight and the kids want to give thier grand parents something help them make a hand made gift for them. Let your hubby buy for them if he wants ... thats not up to you. Try not to let your emotions get in the way of thier Christmas with your hubby and his family, they are after all your childrens grand parents. Share and try to make things go as smoothly as you can. Its not time for any ugliness. I know that your going thru a hard time. Im sorry for you, been there and done that. God Bless

Answer 6

I've been separated from my husband for almost 4 months. A divorce is inevitable. We have 3 children and I have been letting him take charge of handling any family functions on his side involving our children. I suggest you allow your (estranged) husband to handle the purchasing of gifts for his side of the family. After all, a separation is a "trial divorce," so if you were actually divorced, it would be his responsibility to handle any activities involving the children with his side of the family.

Answer 7

If you like your inlaws why would you not want to give something to them from your kids? I would not depend on someone to do something. Share your kids all the time, it doesn't have to be in a piece of paper to do the right thing for your kids. My friend and her exhusband share their kids constantly. It doesn't have to be in a piece of paper for them to give the kid to the other. The kids have not been affected by their divorce because of that kind of relationship. They work with each other to raise their kids even if they are still not married. She buys presents from their kids for her ex inlaws with no questions asked to follow up on the question.

Answer 8

My kids spend Christmas Eve with their dad and his family and Christmas Day with me and my family.

I love his parents and they are great to me. I give gifts from the kids and me.

I did invite their dad over one year for Christmas morning and the kids opened gifts that he contributed to. Then, he left and we did my family activities.

I purchase a gift for their dad and his girlfriend to be given from the kids. Usually it is a gift card ($25 or so).

The first Christmas Eve was very hard for me, but now I have annual activities (candelight church service with my mom and breakfast with my parents and sisters family).

Since you are separated and not divorced you might work out things for the kids with your thought and feeling put aside for the day.

Good luck and God Bless!

Answer 9

I think that their father can handle getting gifts for his side of the family. When I was little and my parents were divorced I spent xmas eve at one side of the families and xmas day at the other then alternated other holidays. I'd go to mom's on thanksgiving and dad's on easter.

Answer 10

Why the divorce? You sound as if you are worried about the wrong things. Has there been unfaithfulness? Does he hit you? Is he a lazy bum? You've got two kids who need their dad and mom together. Go see a counselor or a pastor and let's see if this marriage can't be saved. Many times we let something die that doesn't need to.