If someone were to talk to you about something bad that has been happening to them, and you felt like someone should know, but that person insists that you not tell anyone and that she's okay with it this way and that she doesn't want you to get involved, what do you do? How do you fix it?
2007-11-17 15:10:11 · 30 answers · asked by zbbasktbal82092 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I want to be able to talk to one of my best friends for advice, but I'm afraid this could be even worse than telling an adult.
2007-11-17 15:13:00 · update #1
If I was answering a question like this, i would pretty much say what you guys are saying. But this is real for me, and its much harder to do it than talk about it.
My friend has talked about being depressed for a while, and i think she's getting help for this. How do I know if this is even true?
I know what the right thing is to do... but I just don't know if its right under these circumstances.
2007-11-17 15:16:47 · update #2
How do you guys feel about me telling a friend I trust about it first and making this decision together?
2007-11-17 15:25:53 · update #3
The question is still vague. It depends on if this is a bad thing that is self inflicted, how old she is etc. If she is an adult, then you are limited as to what you can do. If it is really serious, then you have to look at whether her life is in jeopardy and if it is, then that bears a lot of weight in your decision making, right?
Without knowing more than that, the best thing you can do is be there for her to talk to and to share your feelings on the problem, so that if she is not capable of thinking straight because of stress or drugs then at least she has someone feeding her some logical solutions and at least she has some place she feels she can go to. Depending on her situation, and the seriousness of it, you may want to start documenting it, so that you can provide facts later on, if required.
It seems easy to report it, but if you do that, she may go into hiding, or cut off ties to you because you betrayed her.
UPDATE TO YOUR UPDATE: I would take this to a counselor, or if you can't afford this, then go to a church in your area and talk to a parishioner. Instead of bringing another friend into this, talk to an adult because they have the life experience to deal with it, whereas your friend does not. Ask your friend to go with you to meet with this adult person but speak to them in private out of respect for your friend in need. If your friend is being open with you, then she might be inclined to divulge who her doctor is, and if she is seeing a doctor about this, then her parents probably already know. You can even talk to a school counselor and without divulging names (until you feel ready,) you can discuss this problem with them and they can help to address this and alleviate some of the pressure that is on you at the moment. (You are obviously a very good friend to her.)
2007-11-17 15:19:06 · answer #1 · answered by Trevor McKinney 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The fact that she told you is a cry for help. She may not want you to get involved with it, but just by telling you she's already involved you. The first thing to do is talk to her about seeking help for herself- beyond that, I know you probably feel like you owe it to your friend not to tell anyone, but if telling someone prevents your friend from being harmed, you also owe it to her to tell someone.
I just read your further details- here's my take:
It sounds like it may be a mental illness/suicide thing. I am an adult now (24 years old) but I tried to kill myself twice when I was a teen. The life I've led since those incidents has made me infinitely grateful for the people who intervened and saved my life. Even if your friend is pissed at you at first, when she's thirty she'll love you more than ever for the extra years you've granted her.
Best wishes,
Emma
2007-11-17 23:27:18 · answer #2 · answered by Emmature 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitely if it is something harmful, illegal or abusive, you need to report it to help your friend. If you are in school, you can go to a counselor for help. If not, there are help lines and police you could call, or someone in your church or community -- it really depends upon your situation and where you live and your culture, but there are people and organizations who can help you and your friend.
Sometimes when people are being hurt they reach out to someone close but are terribly afraid of what will happen if 'authorities' know -- sometimes because they've been threatened, sometimes because the person who is hurting them is supposed to be loving and/or protecting them. You are involved because you know, and you do have a responsibility as a friend to get help for him or her.
good luck, and post again if you need advice on where to get help in your community.
2007-11-17 23:18:10 · answer #3 · answered by abiona 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it is really bad and you care about your friend, you WILL go to an adult and get her help. We may be talking about her life here. I would rather tell someone so my friend could get help, even if she hated me, then to see the friend suffer and possibly die. A good friend and person does the right thing no matter what. Best of luck.
P.S. It would help to know the seriousness of the problem and what it is, to give the best advice possible.
2007-11-17 23:17:39 · answer #4 · answered by luv2seashore1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm guessing that perhaps you found out that someone is being abused? This is a crime. I think you know that this bad thing that is happening to your friend is wrong and should stop. You can make a confidential report to the police and help your friend that way. I'm so sorry that this is happening. Also, talk to your parents to get their advice.
2007-11-17 23:14:04 · answer #5 · answered by drshorty 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sensing that maybe your friend is contemplating suicide and if this is the case you definitely need to tell someone as their are many anti-depressants out there which might well be her lifeline so definitely either get word to her Doctor or mother as soon as possible. This sounds serious and if I am right you are in the position to save a life.
2007-11-18 01:21:07 · answer #6 · answered by veraswanee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's a tough position to be in! But, above all else, the safety of the person is the most important thing. Go to someone you can trust--a pastor, counselor, law enforcement agent (if appropriate)--and advise them of the situation. These people are equipped with training and tools that can help you and your friend.
2007-11-17 23:15:04 · answer #7 · answered by Abby S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If something is happening to your friend that you know is not right or is illegal (child abuse) DEFINITELY tell a trusted adult. Don't let your friend continue to get hurt. They are probably afraid that if the person that's hurting them finds out they told someone that they'll get it worse. Help your friend!
2007-11-17 23:14:16 · answer #8 · answered by Gina 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That person got you involved the instant they told you about the problem ,they might be mad at first, but you will feel worse if something goes from bad to terrible!! Maybe you can convince your friend to tell and let them know you are by their side so they won't be scared or ashamed.
2007-11-17 23:25:10 · answer #9 · answered by juju 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its really easy to say "if its hurting her in any way, report it", but there´s always ppl who even though they´ve been mistreated, abused or on drugs, don´t really want ppl to get involve... and after all, who are we to judge what´s bad for other ppl? we don´t know that person as well as you do, and so my advice on this case is... follow your heart, if you think it would help her go ahead and tell someone trustworth, but if you feel that if by telling it would complicate things more, then don´t.
2007-11-17 23:24:07 · answer #10 · answered by Yuno® 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋