My husband says he is obsessed with looking at porn. He admitted to sharing nude photos over the internet with another woman who he talked to over the course of a few months (would you consider that cheating?). He also said that he has a secret obsession with violent sex in which he has complete control over the person he's with (like violent spanking, boot licking...things like that). He has never told me he was in to things like that, he has always been kinda timid. If he goes to counseling can he ever get over this? Has anyone else ever dealt with a situation like this??
2007-11-17 15:02:50 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well i know what u goin threw because i have delt with it with my husband. and yes a marriage can survive a porn addiction.it just takes a little time and true honesty. my husband has been porn free for about 6 months and he has been opening up more and more to me. pluse talking to other women on the net is cheating.
2007-11-17 15:16:28 · answer #1 · answered by Sweet Mama 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-07-19 06:18:03 · answer #2 · answered by Salina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is cheating, infidelity is infidelity be it in person or over the net. As far as the fetish goes... Many "normal" people the world over have fetishes the outside world is unaware or disapproving of. You hubby's interest in either domination/submission or S&M (depending on the degree) isn't all that odd to be honest. If it causes an issue for you then it might be a challenge to navigate. It could be that this is little more than a fantasy situation and were he ever to live it out it might loose some or all of the appeal. Many of the men I have been with thought my inner Dom was kinky until they were put in the role of my Sub. Then they became glaringly aware that it was the idea and not the practise they were drawn to.
Counselling may help you and him get past the cheating but if he truly has a fetish and not just a fantasy it might not even be productive to try and change him. Either accept it and find yourself a good "safe word" or move on.
P.S. have you thought of looking yourself at the type of porn he is interested in. You may find that it is not nearly as revolting as you think. If it is and you really can not stomach it perhaps some erotica would subdue his "addiction" as well as add some spice on your side. There is a vast wealth of porn made for women by women that is not degrading or explicit. Try turning on Showcase on a Friday night and watch a bit together!
2007-11-17 15:12:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
YES HE CAN, and yes it can. He's taken the first step, and he already knows he has a problem. Good for you for being strong enough woman to see a possibility of him getting over it too. He needs counseling. He also needs a filter on that computer, and you both need to get into a good church where he can find a solid group of men to model after. And he's not into that, he just likes looking at it.
Yes unfortunately this is cheating in a very real way. He needs to get away from that machine a few months, so he can detox from it. You might want to check out purelifeministries.com. Great stuff there that helped me get things right and still helps me today. You and he are also welcome to email or IM me through he same id as here.
2007-11-17 18:53:41 · answer #4 · answered by kttphoenix 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes I think the conversations with the women on the net is emotional infidelity and very painful. I am married over 30 years to a sex addict It has been a extremely painful road. I have always love so many other parts of my hubby that have kept me there sharing my life with him. My hubby loves me with all his heart. We have a great sex life but I left my hubby in the early days of my marriage and as I could not accept his addiction to porn and sex.
Over time I realised that my relationship was much more and decided tp played a game with him. I decide if I could not change is mind I would join him.
I told him that I alos wanted to see all the porn and I let it turn me onAt the same time.I stop seeing it as athreat , and the funny thing is the more and more i told him I wanted to see it the less he seemed to . I think he started to feel threaten I started to really develop my own sexuality I think it shock him up a bit
Today we still use nice porn it spices up our sex life I do not feel threaten I just enjoy the lovemaking
2007-11-17 15:40:12 · answer #5 · answered by BeeBee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All I've got is my opinion based on my experience (and the experiences of friends), but hopefully you can get something out of it...
Like anything, it's truly an addiction when it begins to negatively impact other parts of your life. And pornography is most certainly something you can become addicted to. Yes, counseling can help- but like any other form of mental health care, he has to want to change that part of himself.
As for the internet relationship- that is most certainly cheating. Not so much because of the picture swapping, but because of the conversation, the effort that went into it (finding pornography on the internet is easy enough- can be done accidentally, in fact - finding someone to chat with and exchange pictures with takes a bit more effort...).
Best of luck...
2007-11-17 15:12:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES, I'v e been thare with my husband and he coulden't admit it until I would check up on him (computer) and present all the names of the sites and the movie titles rented from the movie store. I almost left him but I knew he had a problem and with help he can over come his addiction and live a normal life now almost a year later sometimes he does mess up but not as bad and I just remind him I consider that cheating and it hurts me because I don't look like the girls in the films , now sometimes we try to spice up our sex life just to keep him interested in me and me only. Good luck you CAN over come this together only if hes willing to change and you know he's going to mess up sometime.
2007-11-17 15:14:42 · answer #7 · answered by Danielle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i feel different "looking" at porn i see nothing wrong with in its self what he did with the woman yeah it could be seen as cheating no doubt the type of porn his looking at could be viewed as inappropriate no doubt but , i think the counseling should be for both of you not him alone maybe he wants to expand your sex life's but does not know how to approach the subject with you *possibility* i think its fantasy and maybe he got confused miss guided or lost the thing is, we don't know how your everyday marriage is how you treat each other this is a difficult situation , and i'm sure anyone that has delt with this could say its more then just a addiction to porn .
2007-11-17 15:58:29 · answer #8 · answered by halicon2000 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes. I caught my husband looking when we first got married. I about left him. I let him know that I thought it was disrespectful to me and women in general. I think it is really unacceptable that he is sending other women his picture. I do consider looking at porn to be cheating. This has hurt our sex life (2 years later... still hardly ever do it) and I will not trust him again with the computer. I am FED UP with guys and porn.
2007-11-17 15:07:55 · answer #9 · answered by Van is due 5/8/08! 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Addiction, any addiction, requires a life-change. It cannot be removed or overcome, only arrested. My husband and I are alcoholics. We've been in AA for years. It almost broke us. Without help, no one I know has been able to maintain a long-term relationship if addicted. Alcohol, drugs, porn-it doesn't matter-addiction is addiction. My personal advice...tell him to get help or kick him out. It hurts, but if you don't take care of yourself, you are the one that's going to suffer most. I wish I could offer you something easier...
2007-11-17 15:15:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋