My mom says I ruined the birth of her 1st grandchild..?

Question

My mom wanted to be in the room when I gave birth but I only wanted her there when I was in labor. She was pissed and left the hospital and refused to come see us and the baby afterwards. My bf was really hurt by this cause his family was in India and couldn't be there though they wanted too really bad. Here my mom was right down the road and refused to come. He's really mad at her cause of that, and she's mad at him cause he was in the room and apparently she thought she deserved to be there more. She's also extremely mad at me. I feel like I got stuck in the middle and all I was trying to do was survive labor and delivery. I was shocked when after giving birth I realized no one in my family was even there to celebrate. I'm also hurt, but I feel like I need to do something to patch all these relationships. Any advice, suggestions, comments?

Answer 1

you can have anyone you want in the delivery room. your mom needs to grow up and not act like a child. you did nothing wrong. tell her that she has no right being mad it was your decision on who was in the room with you. if she does not want to see the baby that is her problem. because she will miss out on a lot.

Answer 2

You did nothing wrong. You had every right to have this special moment be between just you & the baby's father - it's something only you two created together & a great bonding experiance. Your Mom is being extremely immature & unreasonable. She's throwing a fit like a 2 yr old child. Don't let her make you feel guilty. She should appreciate that she at least got to be in the room w/ you while you were in labor & that she could have seen the baby very shortly after he/she was born - especially knowing that your bfs family could not be there at all - she had the chance to be there for most of it & chose not to be. That's her problem. There's nothing you can really do, she'll just need time to get over it. She's too selfish to understand your reasonings & I bet she'll try to make you feel bad about this for the rest of your life - don't let her, you made the right choice. She'll have plenty of time to bond with her grandchild, she needs to relize that. You can try to talk to your Mom about it, but she's probably stubborn & it'll probably do no good, so just try to avoid this subject with her by changing the topic everytime she brings it up. She's just mad at your bf cuz she's jelous. Use this time to bond w/ your bf & your baby & forget about you're Mom's selfish guilt trips.

Answer 3

I'm sorry about your situatuion. Your mom loves you no matter what. Overall it was your choice, it is your child. Granted it is her first grandchild but it is your body, your family and she had that decision at one time in her life and maybe she did it differently but she's not you. If you want to be the one to patch things up I would suggest doing it in person. Let her know that you understand that she is hurt and that the situation is one which can not be changed. She raised a strong daughter who made a decision that she (you) thought was right at the time. Tell her you love her and need her support now, that labor and delivery is a small amount of time compared to the years ahead when you'll need her love and guidance. Tell her that you are hurt too and that even though you understand why she was upset when you needed her support the most she wasn't there no matter what your wishes were. Hopefully this will open the communication between the both of you and then slowly between all three of you.

Answer 4

Way too much, especially if you feel she doesn't like you. I think you should stress the fact that you don't know exactly when the baby will come. Due dates are just an estimate, and especially with your first baby since they are often late, you really have about a one-month window from 38 to 42 weeks during which you could give birth. That's the angle we're using with my mother-in-law...I REALLY don't want her here for the birth, but I do love her and don't want to hurt her feelings, so we're just playing up the fact that we're not completely sure on the due date and that it makes more sense for her to schedule a visit after the birth instead of possibly hanging out for two weeks waiting for the baby and then having to go home the day after the baby finally decides to make an appearance.

Answer 5

The labor and delivery of a child is a very personal experience. You had every right to lay down the ground rules regarding who could be in the room with you. It is not your job to make sure that everyone else if happy with the decisions that you made while you were in labor. Now that everything is done and over with, it is not your job to repair any relationships. I would wait for your mother to come to her senses and apologize for being so insensitive. You need to concentrate on your new baby, not your selfish mothers attitude. Congratulations and I wish the birth of your child would have been happier.

Answer 6

Your mom is wrong. I have never except once let my family attend any of my births or labors except my sis watched once... My mom always wanted to be in the room and I said NO. She is too worrywart and would of stressed me out. I didnt ask her if she liked it or not because it was my experience and birth and I was doing what would make me comfortable and not trying to hurt anyones feelings. If they took it that way then thats there problem. I have a mom like yours and I dont feed into the drama. If my mom gets pissed and stays away for 3 months or so, oh well, I am a mom myself. I am not going cry over it. Its her loss. When she decides to grow up , I always let her come back over even without an apology. Thats just her personality. Enjoy your baby and let your mom grow up and when she realizes she is missing out on baby she will be back.

Answer 7

Your mother is throwing a temper tantrum. Your bf had every right to be there, and much more right if it is indeed his baby. I'm sorry your Mom is being childish. I have a mom that is very similar... and I feel your hurt, confusion and frustration. You didn't do anything wrong hun, so I would try to just take care of yourself and your baby (and bf, lol) and when your Mom realizes she's been an idiot she'll come around. When she does, let her know her behavior really hurt your feelings... But in the mean time, congrats on your new baby and best of luck to the three of you!

Answer 8

you are now one with your bf, together you made a LIFE. a part of him and a part of YOU. period. she sounds controlling and extremely immature. dont feel bad for her though, she is a big woman and should know better. this was a time for you and the baby's father. she had no right to be there. no matter what she has done for you, she didnt get you pregnant! lol and that is why your bf comes before her. he needs to come before her now. you, your bf and your baby are a family now. that is all that matters. and dont fall into the mistake that you should choose your mom over him. she is not your lover, your mate, the parent of your child. all she is is your mother. and her mothering days are over now. so what she should be is a friend. a respectful friend. and apparently she cant be that right now. congrats on your baby!!

Answer 9

wow!! i cant believe that your mom would be that way. I really dont know what to say. I didnt want my MIL in while i was delivering either...she was there for the labor part and i was having it rough..so hubby was right there beside me helping...so i told her she could stay at the head of the bed to take pics since hubby couldnt do that.

Your mom will get over it...it was a special time for you and your bf...hope she comes to her senses and doesnt miss out on the rest of her grandchilds life.

Congrats and good luck!

Answer 10

Congratulations! I am very understanding of your situation. I did not want my mom in the room when I had my kids. My mom understood and came to see me and the baby afterward. Your mom will come around soon. Just explain why you did not want her in the room at that time and tell her that it hurt you that she was not there later. When she sees her grandbaby's cute little face she will forget about it. Good luck.