How do you fix it so the intonation does not offend your ear?

Question

It wasn't very large
There was just enough room
to cram the drums
in the corner
over by the Dodge
It was a '54 with a mashed-up door
and a cheesy little amp
with a sign on the front
that said:"Fender Champ"
And a second-hand guitar
it was a Stratocaster with a whammy bar

Answer 1

Try a couple a quarts a beer. That should do the trick!

Answer 2

Joe's Garage/Frank Zappa