I am dating this guy but we are not exclusive (just friends). He also has another girl in his life. I also have other friends but I am in love with him. He told me that when he's ready for a relationship and my divorce is final he wants to be with me and that he just sees her as a friend. I've been there for him and helped him out financially. I knew him years before my marriage and believe he'll pay me back because we're friends. I really love him but have a hard time trusting him because of the problems I had with my soon to be ex. I've always loved him but we lost contact and I met my husband. How can I tell if this will mature into something more or if he is stringing me and the girl along?
2007-11-17 13:56:54 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You should concentrate on getting through your divorce. It's probably best that he isn't ready for a relationship because this gives you time to work on you. Use this time to better yourself, learn from the things went wrong in your marriage and grow as a woman. In addition, this will give you enough time to determine where his head is. Don't rush things. If he is meant for you, she does not stand a chance. By the time you have healed from the divorce and are ready to date, you will know if he has been lying about important things and he should have paid you your money by then. If he is truly a friend, you will want to trust him and he will want to be honest with you. Only loan what you can afford to never see again- just in case he never pays you back. Take it one day at a time. Put God first, heal and be ready to love and be loved.
2007-11-17 17:24:59 · answer #1 · answered by lifeLover75 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time will tell. It sounds like you're jumping from the frying pan into the fire. You're not even divorced yet and you're involved with a man who you say you're "just friends" but that you are "in love" with him?? Right now, since you're still technically married, he knows he's safe from having to make a committment to you. Don't kid yourself for one minute and think that once your divorce is final, he's going to be gung-ho for a serious relationship with you, especially since there is another woman in the picture. I wouldn't lend him anymore money. You say you have a hard time trusting him.which doesn't bode well for a long term relationship. As I see it, you're setting yourself up for a big fall. By putting all your eggs in this guy's basket, you're giving away a lot of your own power and control. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I do think he's stringing you along. You can be sure he's sleeping with the other girl. I doubt she's just a friend. He wants you to think she's just a friend because that's convenient for him. If I was you, I would seriously consider ending the relationship with him. Ask yourself this: If after your divorce is final, he cools off towards you, or tells you he doesn't want to take the relationship to the next level, what will you do? How will you feel? Lousy would be my guess.
My advice to you is protect yourself (your heart). As far as I can tell, he hasn't given you any reason to believe he is even considering anything beyond the here and now, where you're concerned.
2007-11-17 22:23:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Babe, you just got through the end of a marriage. Don't you think it's time you took a break from all the men in your life? Maybe not or maybe so, but after that marriage you know what you want most from the man in your life.
Don't rush things, just go slow. You have a long time and you've already had a wedding. There's not much else to experience except being with the right feeling guy.
Do what you think is best. I can't really help or make a decision to a woman who has already been divorced and knows more than I do in what she wants in her life.
If you trust him, he will pay you back. Make sure to document it though. Sometimes, we forget how much we owe and how much is owed.
2007-11-17 23:02:49 · answer #3 · answered by Adam S. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop giving him money. He should be able to take care of himself financially. Do yourself a favor seek counseling before getting into another relationship cause your feelings can be the way they are because of what you going through with your soon to be ex-husband, Take care of you, because your heart is not ready to love again., until you can love your self and let your past be just that your past.....Good luck
2007-11-17 22:04:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you said it, you are just dating.
look, when my husband and i hooked up fro the first time it was just a friends with benefits. he was actually seeing someone else before i jumped him. so i couldn't complain about anything. i even had the audacity to continue dating a guy i had started dating. (ew)
you have a few road blocks. line them up and tackle then one at a time. your divorce being the most important. once that is handled you will be able to veiw your dating life more clearly. and everything else will be solved and fall into place.
don't rush for answers yet. and don't expect things until you have your own stuff set up first.
2007-11-17 22:12:37 · answer #5 · answered by Isabella S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really want a life long relationship with a man, you need to work on yourself.
AFTER your marriage is final, and you have taken time to be alone and heal, then maybe you will be ready.
By jumping in to "relationships" with guys like you do, true love will likely elude you.
Good luck.
2007-11-17 22:01:44 · answer #6 · answered by box of rain 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I can see why this guy wants to hang on to you "my little piggybank" sounds like your a good person lean on when in need. I'm in need of $100 for some Christmas presents for my daughter, here is my address, I promise to pay you back.
Jo McLoser
100 Walkin All Over U Street
Cloud Nine County 90201
2007-11-17 22:22:08 · answer #7 · answered by Time To Go 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The only way your really going to know is after your divorce. Loaning money to ANYONE is risky. Loaning him the money, doesn't mean he's going to be yours forever. What has he done for you distrust him? He told you about the girl and your in no possition to made demands on him.
2007-11-17 22:03:46 · answer #8 · answered by Oppna to tal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should just stay friends...you say you have a hard time trusting him? why is that? .............. cant trust the guy then its time you moved on and found someone without baggage that will treat you with love and respect ...take care hope you work it all out
2007-11-17 22:04:02 · answer #9 · answered by jess 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You got yourself in a fine mess haven't you,it sounds like you will be dammed if you do and dammed if you don't. This is something you are going to have to work out all by yourself.
2007-11-17 22:07:36 · answer #10 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋