Is it "OK" if you, personally, have come to the conclusion that the marriage is "no longer working"? Is it "OK" if you feel that your spouse hasn't lived up to your expectations? Is it "OK" if you were going to tell your spouse about it the next day?
What words of wisdom would you impart upon a person who answers "YES" to the three "Is it 'OK'" questions above?
2007-11-17 13:54:43 · 21 answers · asked by ZER0 C00L ••AM••VT•• 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you should talk to your husband about this and consider some kind of counseling. If you are not happy, you should either leave the relationship or try to make it work. Cheating is NEVER the answer. You will not only let him down, but yourself as well!!!
2007-11-17 14:19:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
It has never been nor will it ever be OK to cheat on ones spouse. Basically, I'd tell the person that he or she is a complete coward for not having the courage to tell his or her spouse what the problem was. I can understand a person changing and feeling the marriage is not working out, but having an affair speaks of not having the guts to move on alone but having to have someone new to go to. I think there is a lot more honor in saying there is a problem instead of going out and making the problem worse by cheating.
2007-11-17 14:09:58 · answer #2 · answered by Purdey EP 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only exception I could think of is if the two people were separated (with no intention of reconciling) and one of them wants a divorce but the other person refuses to sign the paperwork just to make their spouses life miserable. I'm not sure if I would call it cheating in that situation; because in that case, effectively the marriage is over save for the legal technicality.
However, in all the three cases you mentioned above in your question, yes I would say it was cheating and is wrong. If one of the people in the marriage decides that its no longer working for them then they ought to have the decency to tell their spouse and ask for a divorce first.
2007-11-17 15:19:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
In the cold light of day it is NEVER okay "to cheat on your spouse if you've agreed to life-long monogamy" BUT it happens 'all the time'.
"What words of wisdom would you impart upon a person who answers "YES" to the three "Is it 'OK'" questions above?"
There are none cos he feels nothing; he will do it again; he seems quite sociopathic about it if he shows no signs of guilt or shame.
All you can do is wait and watch it happen to him - if you both live long enough the tables WILL be turned one day.
Your only revenge is your survival; become better, healthier, stronger, happier, fitter than you've ever been ... or, if you are into instantaneous sense gratification, you can go to revenge.com and find a solution ... but then you gotta live with it.
Sometimes reality doth suck.
Good luck with your emotions - always remember, as Eleanor Roosevelt said: No one can [humiliate you or in any way] make you feel inferior without your consent.
.
2007-11-17 16:44:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe that you have answered your own question...in your question. You stated that you "agreed to life long monogamy", in which case, cheating is not an option. It is also harmful to have expectations for anyone else, it is setting yourself up for failure b/c they will never do exactly what you think/want them to do. That is one of the most beautiful thing about marriage, that it is a choice that we make to unify ourselves as two people with two different personalities, likes, dislikes....etc... It is malicious to cheat if you are going to tell your spouse the next day - very hurtful b/c it says to them that you considered it before doing it, and then didn't think enough of them to come to them before hand and try to deal with the problem you're having.
It is my hope that anyone who answers yes to the questions takes an honest look at their intent, and makes a wise decision based on the FACTS of the situation and not their FEELINGS.
2007-11-17 14:35:10 · answer #5 · answered by Megan K 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's never OK to cheat. What is OK however (if you have come to the realization that your marriage has been a mistake, for whatever reasons) is to get a divorce and THEN find someone you are better suited to and will be happier with.
Cheating is never the answer. It's just adding more problems to the problems that already exist in the relationship. Finish one thing before you start another, that is my advice.
2007-11-17 14:52:55 · answer #6 · answered by Liz 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. it's not ok to cheat on your spouse. Regardless of whether the marriage is no longer working or if you're going to tell your spouse. Cheating on your spouse will be hurtful to your spouse. You would also be violating your own agreement to be monogamous. It's never ok to deliberately do something that would cause hurt to someone just so you can have fun.
2007-11-17 14:16:50 · answer #7 · answered by hachikoheart 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To me it is ok only if the partners agree that they wish an open relationship. Or it is ok if the person has not lived up to the expectations of marriage. Not merely your expectations as in Forgot to take out the trash on Saturday but not met your expectations as in he/she has moved to Florida with the mailman and is refusing to get a divorce by still storing stuff at your house and claiming he/she lives with you.
I don't know the circumstances in any relationship so yes I feel if you have done EVERYTHING possible to make a relationship work. And nothing has worked. You gave it 100% and spent every morning asking yourself what can I do to make my marriage a success today. And it has failed. Then on the day your divorce goes through, you may give up your vow for life-long monogomy.
My words of advice to someone who says Yes. No matter how bad your spouse is, no matter how much of a loser, how abusive, how much the relationship degrades you...why does that make it ok to voluntarily give up the one thing he couldn't take--your integrity. Why is it better to give up your dignity than get a divorce? After all, you can get a divorce but even after the divorce you still have to look in the mirror.
2007-11-17 14:02:16 · answer #8 · answered by phantom_of_valkyrie 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
It is NEVER ok to cheat....If you have come to the conclusion that the marriage is "no longer working" or feel that your spouse "hasn't lived up to your expectations"...and no counseling or therapy is working to get your marriage on track.....GET A DIVORCE!!
2007-11-17 14:00:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
It's never ok to lie to your partner.. and all the examples you have given are just a case of dishonesty.. We owe it to those we love, or have once loved to tell them the truth. Falling out of love with someone is never pleasant, but it happens.. When it does we should have the decency to admit it to ourselves, our partners and end the relationship before seeking to start a new one. Cheating is cowardice at it's worst.. those who cheat are merely too cowardly to face their partners and tell them the truth, that they don't want to be together anymore. Instead they cheat, get caught and don't have to do a thing. As for words of wisdom, these are mine.. "Be honest to yourself, and those you love no matter how painful it may be"
2007-11-17 16:37:33 · answer #10 · answered by Kelly + Eternal Universal Energy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋